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Original poster

Partner and csa payments

543 replies

Justaquery88 · 07/02/2020 16:21

Ok so before I get flamed here is the background

My partner has an 11 year old daughter with ex she has remarried she earns 40k and her husband around the same. They holiday three times a year money is not short at all.

We have three kids together and partner has to pay csa £300 a month but we are in a very bad financial state atm. His ex says he only has him one night a fortnight this is not true but without a court order to prove she’s lying csa won’t listen.

We are in debt can’t afford luxuries for our own three no holidays in a few years. If we pretended that we broke up he would have to pay me csa and his payments to her lowered.

Morally yes this is wrong but she is not a nice person to us at all

Legally where do we stand? No we won’t be claiming benefits or anything like that just csa which he will pay me
And I’ll put into the family joint account

OP posts:
HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 18:36

Yep let the that die. Because the OP is nowhere to be seen.

HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 18:37

*thread

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 18:38

Yep lets let it die. Id rather believe people werent so judgemental and rude and frankly vile.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 18:39

Except when youre a step parent this is the reality. You cant ever put your own child first or even equal without being called all the names under the sun.

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 18:46

Nope people said it shouldnt be equal.

HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 18:47

I don't think I've been rude or frankly vile.

I think I was rather fair actually.

Like I said, I've been in both situations. A single parent and a step parent. I know how shìtty it is.

In my opinion, which you probably don't want to "read", you've been rather inflammatory yourself. Lumping all "first wives" together in one horrible little club. When actually some step mothers have disagreed with you too.

I don't think anyone has an issue with a step parent wanting their child to be equal to their siblings Hmm

These debates always cause an argument. People bring their own experiences on board and the waters are muddied. A lot of times step parents can do no wrong, but in this case the step parent came on board with the suggestion of defrauding the system. Not many people are going to say, yeah go ahead with that one!

It didn't get the thread off to a good start did it? Wink

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 18:56

I don't think anyone has an issue with a step parent wanting their child to be equal to their siblings

They do. They want dss to have more than ds in the event of dps death.

Ive been inflammatory perhaps because its been suggested that ds should be made homeless. And that dh is shit and ds is worthless. That would hurt most people funilly enough.

A lot of times step parents can do no wrong

Never seen a thread where this is the case tbh.

Oh and i said i didnt agree with op anyway so...

StormBaby · 09/02/2020 18:58

You dont really pay that much given what you have coming in and the amount of time you have the child.

HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 19:04

That was typo, I meant I agree step parents get a hard time. But sometimes for good reason.

You are putting words in my mouth. I haven't seen any one say your SS should get more than your DS. Nor that your DS should be left homeless. But to avoid that happening your partner should raise his life insurance premiums so all children are provided for in the event of his death. In the current arrangements, his son isn't.

And I really think you should look into it more because I have in the past and I can make a claim to my ex"s estate under the provision for family and dependants act if he does not make provision for him in his will.

And all of that could be avoided if he raised his insurance premiums.

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 19:07

They want dss to have more than ds in the event of dps death.

No they dont.

They think your dss should have provision to be taken care of as CMS would.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 19:30

Yes, but not ds. Unequal. Anyway not having an argument about how awful i am and how ds should be homeless.

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 19:46

For God sake. No one said your son should be homeless or not have provision.

Nowhere even near. The fact that you keep saying that proves that you arenr actually reading peoples posts. Or twisting what they are saying DP you can play the poor put upon SM card

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 19:52

But hey, your DSS can lose his father, his resident family income can go down and he can now be supported solely by one parent while you stay in your house. That's ok isn't it

Whats that then? A figment of my imagination?

Im not a "poor put upon stepmum" - my life is fine lol im just getting abused by morons on the internet for putting my son first. You can deny it as much as you want but thats whats happening here.

Dss wont get maintenance if dh is dead. Neither will ds. Dss will have a roof over his head and 1 parent. So will ds. Its equal. If i die they get half each.

Im not going to apologise for that. Im not going have dh called a shit dad for that.

You can respectfully disagree and thats fine. The issue is it hasnt been respectful. Its been rude, and mean and condescending and its obvious that people think my step child should take precedent over my own child.

Richwitch · 09/02/2020 20:09

It's a disgusting idea. You knew he had a child when you met so I'm afraid you'll have to suck it up.

HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 20:24

You've quoted me there Quattro. But I'm not sure what you're accusing my of. There's been so many accusations thrown around. I have only ever said the children should be tested equally so you've mis-quoted me.

And called me a moron.

Nice.

HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 20:25

*treated equally

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 20:28

That quote doesnt suggest you think the children should be treated equally now does it? no.

I wont be answering you any more since youre just bullshitting about what youve said. Find someone else to attack eh? Or even better if youve nothing nice to say keep your mouth shut.

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 20:32

Whats that then? A figment of my imagination?

No twisting. Which was one of my suggestions.

Life insurance isnt just to pay the mortgage. You choose the pay out amount. No one said you should not pay the mortgage off, make ds homeless etc.

You threw into the converstation 'yes we have insurance but his ex wont benefit'

No one said his ex should. But setting up life insurance should be about making his dependents, financially, ok in the event of his death. It should have enough money so that you, your son AND your dss arent financially impacted by his death.

His ex wouldnt benefit. His son would have things remain, the same, financially. The same as your son should.

If you dont work or dont earn alot, the insurance should have a higher pay out amount. So that neither of his kids loose out financially.

It's not about the ex.

It's not your ds vs dss.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 20:38

The same as your son should

But he wont lol so whats your point?

Anyway im not replying anymore find someone else to pick on Smile

HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 20:39

Oh my goodness. If step parenting threads you go on always end up in arguments, perhaps you should take a look in the mirror.

I have said repeatedly all children should be treated equally. I have biological children and step children. Neither asked to be born into a blended family.

I'm not attacking anyone. I'm responding to your posts.

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 20:40

Lol?

Well that shows the sort of person you are. Oh so funny that the kids eont be looked after, instead of actually thinking about it. That's ok. Its not my kids.

But if you are going to brag about having insurance and planning for the worst, probably best to have decent insurance that actually covers you.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 20:41

They dont? Im specifically being picked on on this one. I havent mentioned any others.

I have said repeatedly all children should be treated equally.

And they are being so please leave me alone now.

You are attacking me so lets not pretend otherwise.

HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 20:43

If you feel attacked, turn off Mumsnet.

I am defending myself from being mis quoted, insulted, called a moron etc etc.

Just because someone disagrees with someone doesn't mean they are attacking them. Hmm

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 20:43

Well that shows the sort of person you are. Oh so funny that the kids eont be looked after, instead of actually thinking about it. That's ok. Its not my kids

So now saying lol makes me a bad parent. I was lolling that you were totally wrong. Both kids would have 1 parent and a home. Theyd both be looked after. You know. The same.

But if you are going to brag about having insurance and planning for the worst, probably best to have decent insurance that actually covers you

How have i bragged? Its like saying i brag that i pay my mortgage. My insurance does cover me thanks Smile

mummmy2017 · 09/02/2020 20:44

Your DH takes home about £2500 a month.
Gives £300 as CS.
If he gave £900 to you for ,3 children he would still have have £1300 to spend on his half of your bills.
No, sorry your being poor just does not wash.
If you added £900 as well from your income, that would cover any child care.
Not sure what your spending on, but you need too look at your spending.