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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think who eats a family meal to themselves?!

588 replies

GimmeTheSnacks · 05/02/2020 23:44

I made a meal this evening ready for tomorrow as the chicken needed cooking. It was cooling down on the side before putting it in the fridge. The next thing I know dp is home from work then walks in with a huge plate of it. It looked like a lot so I asked if he'd reheated the whole thing to which he replied "no I've saved ds (5) some as I know how much he likes it". I explained it was for tea tomorrow and he said I should have told him when he got home.

He has enough common sense to know I will have cooked it for another days meal so this was just so selfish. He can be selfish with food in terms of snacks but he's never done it with a meal before. There were 4 chicken breasts in it ffs!

Aibu to think this was out of order and selfish?

OP posts:
Elbeagle · 06/02/2020 13:23

I'd just make something else the next day. I don't get why this is a big deal

Maybe you’ve missed all the OP’s posts about not having the budget to just ‘make something else the next day’?

BarbaraofSeville · 06/02/2020 13:24

If I'd prepared a meal for the next sat thinking my husband was eating out he could eat it. I'd just make something else the next day. I don't get why this is a big deal

RTFT. At best he's greedy and selfish, at worst he's financially abusive. That's why it's a big deal.

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 06/02/2020 13:24

To be honest the people who keep popping up to say "I don't understand why this is a big deal" or "I don't understand the issue" clearly haven't actually read the thread.

The reasons why it's a big deal (primarily financial, also utter disrespect for the OP's time plus it slowly emerging that this is part of a pattern including taking the lion's share of family money, not just food, for his personal use) are explained.

Original poster
GimmeTheSnacks · 06/02/2020 13:24

Hollywhiskey Do you work and have 3 kids 5 and under including a breastfed baby who you're up with in the night? If yes and you have the energy to do extra cooking then crack on. I'd rather have spent the saved time playing with the children.

OP posts:
PixieDustt · 06/02/2020 13:25

*He's a greedy toad
*
This comment got me and I don't know why. Thanks for the giggle.

But YANBU it was greedy and completely selfish. 🐷

INeedNewShoes · 06/02/2020 13:25

I hope that in all aspects aside from his attitude to food and spending the family's money on main meals as snacks that he is an absolutely wonderful and thoughtful husband as I'd find this side of him really really unpleasant.

ffswhatnext · 06/02/2020 13:25

@Hollywhiskey
So one person eating a families meal is fine?
Why should op have to cook something else for today?
It’s a big deal when you have a budget

WanttogotoParis · 06/02/2020 13:28

How long have you been with him op?

WanttogotoParis · 06/02/2020 13:29

Yanbu btw

kateandme · 06/02/2020 13:32

not having the budget does change things.
my mum often makes a meal intenting it to be for the next day and my dad will eat too much for this to be so.unless she categorically tells him "piss off seconds this is for tea tomorrow as we are both out" whether he is a greedy twit or not she gets over it.and it wont ever be 4 chicken breasts!and she rolls with it.
but if she couldnt then afford to make tea tomorrow because he has jut eaten it this would need discussion.and im thinking,praying he wouldnt because he would too know the situation so would keep off!

Original poster
GimmeTheSnacks · 06/02/2020 13:32

WanttogotoParis A good few years.

He does split everything else with me. I get to see my friends as much as he does.

OP posts:
NormaSnorks · 06/02/2020 13:33

I'd just make something else the next day. I don't get why this is a big deal

  • because it isn't in the budget
  • because she'd already planned ahead/ done the work - perhaps there isn't time the next day?
  • because just f*cking well WHY should she, when her pig of a (D)H has selfishly created the situation!
DishingOutDone · 06/02/2020 13:34

Big Man comes from Big Work, eats all the food, poor hungry soul, clearly not looked after properly - there's never excuse for denying a man food.

Woman eats biscuit - we need to know how much she weighs, dress size etc., and debate it, decide whether or not she is slim, then tell her if she is stuffing herself with biscuits she won't be slim for much longer.

Anyway, just need to write that. Ignore me.

garbagegirl · 06/02/2020 13:39

If my husband did this (or rather when he does this...) I make it clear that he is responsible for making food appear magically at dinnertime.. which is absolutely ok with because if he eats something intended for a meal its never on purpose, just because hes being a greedy prat.

Pursefirst · 06/02/2020 13:43

I'm genuinely at a loss to understand why some people are defending the DH. He is obviously a greedy pig, not some poor, half-starved, meek little man who is forced to eat scraps Hmm

cakewench · 06/02/2020 13:45

YANBU, OP. I feel as if there are a lot of people with a lot of extra money and time on their hands if they're saying they don't see the problem, just cook an entire new meal tomorrow after you've worked all day.

The family has a food budget, he knows this, he knows you do meal planning, and he didn't give a shit because he was hungry (because apparently according to some in this thread, you're starving the poor mite)

Unfortunately, I have no solution here, because him plowing through an entire family meal as a 10pm snack shows a complete lack of regard for the needs of the rest of the family. My DH snacks constantly but it's on cheese, fruit or biscuits (ie, foods which aren't leftover from dinner, because he knows I often plan those for future meals)

Ideally, he needs to learn to cook, so he can appreciate the situation a bit better. It's not rocket science, but I imagine he CBA and prefers this arrangement.

Blackandgreenteas · 06/02/2020 13:47

The McDonalds buying just confirms what I thought. He’s a selfish entitled shit. He is not entitled to all the food and resources. In your family, he is the person LEAST in need of priority when it comes to food - you are bf and your kids are little and growing. He is LAST in the queue for the “best” food and for having his needs catered for. Yes he has to eat sufficiently - everyone does - but he is not the priority for resources.

I didn’t mean to suggest that if you weren’t full time it was all ok!

Have you told us if your other child is female? It’s not that important (depriving his younger male child would be just as bad!) but if female it puts a slightly different gloss on things!

Blackandgreenteas · 06/02/2020 13:51

My exh had some traits of this but it wasn’t his main issue. He didn’t really understand why anyone needed good nutritious food, and though everyone could survive on the cheapest possible carbs etc.

However if you did share a takeaway with him (say) he would always scrimp on the ordering, and then when it arrives shovel as much as possible down him really quickly before I had the chance to even sit down (say I was getting the cutlery) or knowing I am a slower eater keep on filling his plate etc.

At one point before we were married, with meals I wouldn’t let him have a knife and fork before I sat down (were talking 2 mins tops) as otherwise everything would be gone!

coconutpie · 06/02/2020 13:54

Your husband is a selfish prick. If you left him, your money struggles would be over since you wouldn't be battling him stealing your and your children's food every day.

coconutpie · 06/02/2020 13:56

And I can't believe some people are excusing his greediness. He sounds disgusting. I would be furious if I had cooked dinner for the next day in the evening, had been working all day, looking after young DC to find that the food I had cooked for the next day was gone by a selfish gluttonous prick. His behaviour is completely unacceptable. I would actually refuse to ever cook for him again.

5foot5 · 06/02/2020 13:58

I've asked him to please think about the family food budget but he wastes it all on this crap so I have to budget and meal plan with what's left of my wages.

Wow this gets worse and worse. So you have to spend what should be "your" money to feed the family, including him. He spends "his" money on extra treats and snacks for himself. Can you insist that the amount you both pay in to the joint account is increased to cover food as well?

The more one reads this thread the more obvious it becomes that this isn't just a hungry man who made a simple and honest mistake. He makes a habit of binging on more than his share of the food - all the biscuits, all the chocolate. The fact that this meal had already been packaged up in a storage container should have been a clear sign that it wasn't for eating now. This is a greedy selfish man who stuffs himself on whatever he can and really doesn't give a thought for the rest of his family.

TwentyViginti · 06/02/2020 14:05

There have been many threads on here about greedy bastard husband's eating all the food, do it's not unheard of

I said this upthread, and also asked why these men feel so entitled to hoover up all the family food and snacks.

cavabiensepasser · 06/02/2020 14:10

Don't cook for him OP. Cook for yourself and the kids, he can sort his own food out.

SunshineCake · 06/02/2020 14:14

Roast chicken is a funny thing to have for tea ???!!!

Don't be so unfathomable.

OlaEliza · 06/02/2020 14:14

Don't cook for him OP. Cook for yourself and the kids, he can sort his own food out

What would happen if you did this, op?

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