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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think who eats a family meal to themselves?!

588 replies

GimmeTheSnacks · 05/02/2020 23:44

I made a meal this evening ready for tomorrow as the chicken needed cooking. It was cooling down on the side before putting it in the fridge. The next thing I know dp is home from work then walks in with a huge plate of it. It looked like a lot so I asked if he'd reheated the whole thing to which he replied "no I've saved ds (5) some as I know how much he likes it". I explained it was for tea tomorrow and he said I should have told him when he got home.

He has enough common sense to know I will have cooked it for another days meal so this was just so selfish. He can be selfish with food in terms of snacks but he's never done it with a meal before. There were 4 chicken breasts in it ffs!

Aibu to think this was out of order and selfish?

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 06/02/2020 12:50

Maybe they are short of money because the DH eats so much so costs a lot to feed.

Maybe he became overweight before they had money troubles, becoming very overweight doesn't happen overnight.

Maybe he's just greedy and selfish and just takes what he wants and leaves the OP to juggle what's left?

Maybe he eats a lot of cheap junk food?

Waspnest · 06/02/2020 12:51

I have gone without before to ensure my children are fed, luckily it isn't like that now

For Bluntness

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2020 12:51

Op, not sure if you're being deliberately obtuse, but you're telling us your husband is obese, and has seriously disordered eating, he can't control himself round food and yet you ask you don't understand why he felt the need to eat the curry? Surely you also don't understand why he needs to eat a whole bag of chocolate or a pack of jammy dodgers either?

If he can't control himself as you are posting, then being angry with him isn't going to help.

PatellarTendonitis · 06/02/2020 12:53

Where's all the money coming from to buy the amount of food it will take to keep him very overweight?

Plenty of cheap junk food out there.

flirtygirl · 06/02/2020 12:53

Bluntness when you are already overweight, it doesn't take a lot to keep you big. You could be eating normally but without exercise and a larger calorie deficit, you would not lose much weight.

And the op said that it was not as bad as that anymore. He probably continued to eat the same, even when the op saw a need to cut back on food for herself due to the budget.

Blackandgreenteas · 06/02/2020 12:53

^^I was gojng to ask about the Tupperware OP! So completely obvious it was something you were saving.

So you work full time, you are breastfeeding and have coeliac? You had cooked something you were able to eat with that disease, but now he’s left you without any, but scratching around with things that probably aren’t suitable? Nice!

And what are you and your younger (female?) child going to do? Watch ds eat the lovely curry while eating beans on toast?

Original poster
GimmeTheSnacks · 06/02/2020 12:54

How's he so very over weight if there is so little money for food and you sometimes have to go without to feed the kids op? The man gets one chicken breast, half a packet of rice and some veg for his dinner and portions are tightly controlled. Where's all the money coming from to buy the amount of food it will take to keep him very overweight Because he uses his own money for things like McDonalds etc when he's at work. That's on top of normal meals. We both pay into the joint account for rent and bills. I've asked him to please think about the family food budget but he wastes it all on this crap so I have to budget and meal plan with what's left of my wages.

OP posts:
MimiLaRue · 06/02/2020 12:54

So you work full time, you are breastfeeding and have coeliac?

wow- he just gets more and more of an arse the more details come out doesnt he? what an absolute fckwit

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2020 12:55

The cost of cheap food, if you eat enoug adds up. And of course it takes a lot to keep you big. It's basic science,

And if a man had posted about his obese wife who couldn't control herself round food and did this, I'm fairly sure people wouldn't be hurling abuse at her and calling her a greedy selfish pig and dreaming up punishments.

Blackandgreenteas · 06/02/2020 12:56

Did you consider just taking it off him when you saw him come in and just risking the double the heating? Or did he already have a germy spoon/ fork in there?

MimiLaRue · 06/02/2020 12:56

Because he uses his own money for things like McDonalds etc when he's at work

If he can afford to buy mcdonalds on a regular basis, he can certainly reach into his pocket to get you all a takeaway tonight. He cant claim to be broke whilst doing this crap

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2020 12:58

Then you need to adjust the money going into the joint account if you can't afford to feed your kids and go without yourself. Whilst he spends up on Mac Donald's every day.

That's a much bigger issue.

Original poster
GimmeTheSnacks · 06/02/2020 12:59

pandora101 if you're implying something please just say.

Maybe they are short of money because the DH eats so much so costs a lot to feed. This.

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 06/02/2020 13:04

"Call the curry another 300, and it’s not a lot for an evening meal for an adult male"

"If you’re generally a bit tight with portion sizes, I could see why he would be hungry."

Noone, even with a penis to feed, needs a curry containing FOUR chicken breasts

That's sheer gluttony and selfishness, especially when the family - like most in the country - are on a budget

Original poster
GimmeTheSnacks · 06/02/2020 13:06

So you work full time, you are breastfeeding and have coeliac? not quite full time yet but I'm working my way back up to full time from mat leave.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 06/02/2020 13:08

GimmeTheSnacks
99% of us feel your hurt at a partner who is selfish.
Four chicken breasts, veg and potatoes as a family meal would easily fill a medium size pan to the brim, you say he added rice as well, his plate must have been so full, to hold that amount of food.
If I had been you he would have been wearing it.

To think who eats a family meal to themselves?!
Lockheart · 06/02/2020 13:09

YANBU at all.

I know I've said it before on these kinds of threads (which crop up far too often) but I think its easy to tell the posters who live with someone like this and those that don't.

In my case it was my father and not a husband or partner.

It totally wears you down. When one person keeps taking food intended for the whole family's dinner, or something you'd set aside to make your lunch for the entire week, or even something where you'd bought 6 yoghurts (for example) with explicit instructions that there were 3 each, and you come home from work to find 5 are gone, you could just cry. On one occasion he polished off my birthday cake (there was at least a third left). It sounds pretty in isolation, and as a one off it would be annoying but not a big deal, but when it's part of a sustained pattern it's soul destroying.

Noone should have to resort to going without or having to hide food in their own home (in my case) simply to ensure there's enough to go around because someone else lacks self control.

It's supremely disrespectful and selfish behaviour. It's not hard to have some consideration for others. And if you're hungry then eat something else which isn't intended to feed 3 or 4 other people as well. Noone should have to go hungry and that works both ways.

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 06/02/2020 13:10

GimmeTheSnacks

After 14 Pages it appears there are very significant problems in your relationship around money, shared resources and his sense of entitlement generally (entitlement to more personal luxury spending money than you and than the family can afford as well as to eat the food for his wife and children -favouring one child who does get to eat if his father chooses- as well as his own food).

It looks as though the problems are in fact deep seated.

How long has he been showing you clearly that he believes he is entitled to more of everything (discretionary spending money as well as food) than you and the children?

Have you had proper conversations about this? Does he acknowledge it and think it's fine? Does he get defensive? Does he refuse to talk about it?

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 06/02/2020 13:12

Does he also feel entitled to more "me time" with his friends away from the family and work than you get?

ffswhatnext · 06/02/2020 13:13

Man or woman I would call her out.
Selfish people are just that regardless of their sex.

safariboot · 06/02/2020 13:15

He should have asked. Since cooking for tomorrow is common in your house, I'd say it's really rude for him to just take. But he could easily have the appetite to eat it all at the end of a long day out especially if his previous meals were light.

So what is he cooking for you all tonight, @GimmeTheSnacks . That's the real test of whether he has any decency in him.

ffswhatnext · 06/02/2020 13:19

I still don’t understand why he’s being defended.
Ok he was hungry.
And what about the hunger of his wife and other child? Does his hunger prioritise others so much that he has to also scoff down their meals?

Hollywhiskey · 06/02/2020 13:19

Wow. He was hungry enough that he needed that much food. In my house food is there to be eaten. If I'd prepared a meal for the next sat thinking my husband was eating out he could eat it. I'd just make something else the next day. I don't get why this is a big deal.

BigChocFrenzy · 06/02/2020 13:22

Noone "needs" 4 chicken breasts
and sounds like they don't have the money to easily replace what he scoffed

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 06/02/2020 13:22

OP this gets worse and worse. He spends money and stuffs himself with food to the point that you have to scrimp to feed the children? Why are you with him, he sounds like an odious man.

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