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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think who eats a family meal to themselves?!

588 replies

GimmeTheSnacks · 05/02/2020 23:44

I made a meal this evening ready for tomorrow as the chicken needed cooking. It was cooling down on the side before putting it in the fridge. The next thing I know dp is home from work then walks in with a huge plate of it. It looked like a lot so I asked if he'd reheated the whole thing to which he replied "no I've saved ds (5) some as I know how much he likes it". I explained it was for tea tomorrow and he said I should have told him when he got home.

He has enough common sense to know I will have cooked it for another days meal so this was just so selfish. He can be selfish with food in terms of snacks but he's never done it with a meal before. There were 4 chicken breasts in it ffs!

Aibu to think this was out of order and selfish?

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 06/02/2020 11:56

The cool wives are out in force here. And JammieCodger is spot on about how the responses would be totally different if it was a woman eating the curry.

^This.

He knows she regularly cooks a day beforehand, he doesn't do the cooking himself. She works full time with three small children. She has a budget.

There is no scenario where its reasonable or justifiable for anyone in this situation to come in and scoff a family meal as a late night snack.

More to the point, I've never come across anyone doing this who isn't equally selfish in other ways. He also needs to learn to cook, just as any semi competent parent should do.

WooMaWang · 06/02/2020 11:57

Tbh I dont think we get a full story here - 3 children below 5, a baby, OP is working....... like how?

And now the OP must be lying about having small children and working too.

And also about how she's ended up with all the cooking because of a kind of strategic culinary incompetence that is remarkably common among British men.

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 06/02/2020 12:00

Hmm although GimmeTheSnacks is a brand new name ... Chosen for a thread about eating a family size pot of curry as a snack...

pandora101 · 06/02/2020 12:01

This reply has been deleted

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sweeneytoddsrazor · 06/02/2020 12:01

Why is everyone assuming he was eating2 hrs after a previous meal. OP says he had tea at work. She doesn't say what he had or what time so might have been a sandwich at 5pm. He worked until 8 when he went to a friends then came home at 10.

ffswhatnext · 06/02/2020 12:02

Ikr the op could be in America for example with 6 week maternity, or other countries with little maternity leave. Although even in the U.K. not everyone takes the full amount, otherwise there wouldn’t be childcare available from 4 months.

OlaEliza · 06/02/2020 12:04

He left none for op who made it. Or his other child.

Because he thought/assumed they had already had theirs and it was left over. Ten bloody pages and no one has understood this.

No he didn't. He saw it and felt entitled to it, and fuck the op who might want some and fuck his children that will go without tomorrow. Fuck his wife who will have to waste time tomorrow to cook again.

He's a cunt. Only a cunt would take food out of his children's mouths.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/02/2020 12:06

MN when a man eats family sized meal after already having had his tea/dinner: Oh the poor starved man, no wonder he eats like that. Works all day and his lazy wife can't even be arsed to have dinner on the table ready for when the Bread Winner™️ gets home from seeing a mate whilst his wife is sat at jome with her thumb up her arse cooking and looking after 3 DC under 5.

Also MN when a woman has a lettuce leaf all day or two small roast potatoes for Christmas dinner : Oh I don't know how you manage to pack that all in, I ate last year and I'm still stuffed.

mummmy2017 · 06/02/2020 12:06

Ok is there a single female on this thread who would walk in, and within mins of being home, do this?

Original poster
GimmeTheSnacks · 06/02/2020 12:07

GrumpyHoonMain we keep it in for what's supposed to be a back up. Usually I cook rice normally.

PlanDeRaccordement I'm not angry. You're making yourself look silly with your "not a moment sooner" rubbish.

PlanDeRaccordement I don't know exactly how much he weighs but is definitely very overweight.

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/02/2020 12:07

altough in like 10-15 years, the OP will be bewildered what teenagers can eat smile will she punish them? will she call them selfish?

I was thinking the same especially as she will have 3 teenagers at the same time.

I honestly think if I wrote here what my ds 14 consumes in a day it would possibly cause a mass MN heart attack.

OlaEliza · 06/02/2020 12:07

And even if it was leftovers, who eats that amount, and especially when they are on a budget. If it was leftovers, that amount would be another days food for the family. Saying he thought it was leftovers doesn't make it ok.

IntermittentParps · 06/02/2020 12:08

I don’t like the “greedy pig” posts. He was hungry and he ate food in his own home.
He ate a massive portion of food, after having eaten already.
I mean, I have a hearty appetite and when I cook for others, they often say I make big portions. But even I would say that eating a family curry after having eaten a meal already is greedy.

AllHeart1, 'if this was e.g. an unusual for the OP to cook the dinner the night before, she should have mentioned that the food on the side is tomorrow’s dinner.'
The OP says 'He knows I often cook for the next day or extra to freeze'.

IntermittentParps · 06/02/2020 12:09

Ok is there a single female on this thread who would walk in, and within mins of being home, do this?
More to the point, my male DP would walk in, see the food and ASK what it was for/if it was dinner. And I'd like to think that quite a lot of men would.

OlaEliza · 06/02/2020 12:09

So he wanted some supper. What's the issue

Supper would have been a saucer or side plate portion. Not practically the entire pot that should feed 4 and leave (real) leftovers.

pandora101 · 06/02/2020 12:09

*Tbh I dont think we get a full story here - 3 children below 5, a baby, OP is working....... like how?

And now the OP must be lying about having small children and working too.

And also about how she's ended up with all the cooking because of a kind of strategic culinary incompetence that is remarkably common among British men.*

@WooMaWang exactly :)

mantarays · 06/02/2020 12:11

IntermittentParps

Sure, he was probably being greedy when he ate the curry. That doesn’t make him a “pig”.

Fink · 06/02/2020 12:11

@mummmy2017,

I could do this, in that I could put away that amount of food. But I wouldn't, in the circumstances, because I would have had a simple conversation with the other adult in the house about it before digging in. And then I would have realised that it wasn't spare food hanging around, if I had ever been dim enough to make that weird assumption to start with.

NormaSnorks · 06/02/2020 12:13

He wouldn't have eaten it if he wasn't hungry

I wonder if he would have bothered to eat anything if there hadn't been a delicious meal laid out in front of him on the kitchen bench?
I bet he wouldn't.

Hunger, greed and laziness are related I find, based on all the men in our family (DH and teenage sons).

However much I make of something, where it is four decent portions or double, they eat the lot if it is in a dish in front of them. If I make a massive shepherd's pie (12 portion), and ask DS how much he wants, he will always say "as much as I'm allowed". If I say some needs to be saved for tomorrow, but if he's still hungry he can make himself some pasta or eggs or toast he suddenly decides he isn't really hungry after all. If I leave it on the table in front of them, they will just keep eating.

I think your DH is a greedy pig OP.

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 06/02/2020 12:14

pandora101 I've got teens and we do have frequent conversations about switching on your brain and asking before eating anything that might be for a family meal or the last of anything that might be needed for the next day's packed lunch. I would be cross if a teen ate a whole lot of curry, enough for the whole family, at 10pm having already had an evening meal and without checking first, yes.

I do write "this is family dinner food not DC 1. & 2 lunch food!" In fat permanent marker on labels in the fridge sometimes, as dc1 has cooked herself and dc2 half the ingredients for the dinner as their lunch (they come home for lunch and some days DH and I are both at work) meaning that I get in needing to cook immediately in order for the youngest to eat ling enough before bedtime/ one of the older ones to go back out to sport and discover there isn't enough left to feed the whole family if five for dinner.

They've never eaten the lot, annoying as it is to find it's half gone, and they both cook for the family sometimes though. Learning not to take everything for yourself if you live in a group who share resources is part of growing up and should certainly happen before you become a parent yourself!

But you're right it's a wind up thread.

pandora101 · 06/02/2020 12:14

He ate a massive portion of food, after having eaten already.

@IntermittentParps and we know this, because the OP said he eat 4 chicken breasts in one sitting?
sure

it seems all the self-inflicted domestic slaves are here to help the OP to leave the bastard or something?

IntermittentParps · 06/02/2020 12:14

manta, people can use that phrase if they want. Some people do find him a greedy pig. Me included.

Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze · 06/02/2020 12:15

No he didn't. He saw it and felt entitled to it, and fuck the op who might want some and fuck his children that will go without tomorrow. Fuck his wife who will have to waste time tomorrow to cook again.

^^ also this. Entitlement being the word!

(PS I really want a curry now!)

IntermittentParps · 06/02/2020 12:16

pandora101, I'm going to believe the OP until or unless I'm given reason not to.

ffswhatnext · 06/02/2020 12:16

Four teens and I cannot recall any of them eating the families meal. And I certainly don’t recall them stuffing themselves with this amount of food as a snack.

And come on if the guy had a sandwich for his tea, the op would have known about it and left him a portion of something surely?

If he fancied a snack he could have made himself a sandwich, raised the fruit bowl, the junk stash etc.