To think who eats a family meal to themselves?!

[GimmeTheSnacks]

I made a meal this evening ready for tomorrow as the chicken needed cooking. It was cooling down on the side before putting it in the fridge. The next thing I know dp is home from work then walks in with a huge plate of it. It looked like a lot so I asked if he'd reheated the whole thing to which he replied "no I've saved ds (5) some as I know how much he likes it". I explained it was for tea tomorrow and he said I should have told him when he got home.

He has enough common sense to know I will have cooked it for another days meal so this was just so selfish. He can be selfish with food in terms of snacks but he's never done it with a meal before. There were 4 chicken breasts in it ffs!

Aibu to think this was out of order and selfish?

Eating two dinners, one an entire family meal worth consisting of three portions. Is greedy.

JFC I'm amazed at some of these responses. How is the op controlling? How is 4 entire chicken breasts, sauce, veg and 250g of rice a normal snack 2 hours after dinner? I'd go apeshit. I reckon 4 breasts at what, £5ish? Plus all the ingredients. Say £7 on his 'snack'. On top of op coming home from her full time job, looking after 3 under 5, including a small baby, double cooking, I dare say giving them all tea, baths and bed time's, clearing up, collecting them from childcare...while he's out socialising. The utter disregard for her time, energy, budgeting etc is bloody contemptuous. It just is.

You do not see that much curry on the side and think, well, that's all leftovers, surely? Surely 4 breasts worth is intentional leftovers for another day at the least? Or ask what it's for? Surely it's basic manners?

Oh how lovely it must be to waddle into the kitchen and find a whole curry on the side to snack on when you’re feeling a bit peckish.

Wtf is with all of the defenders of this greedy selfish man? As if its ok for anyone to see what is clearly a whole family meal and think it’s ok to help themselves to three quarters of it, whether you’re on a budget or not?

My DH is always scouting around for leftovers after a meal but always asks if the left over portions are earmarked for the kids or lunch the next day, whether I’ve cooked the food or he has. It’s just common courtesy no?

His actions were thoughtless, greedy and inconsiderate, without a doubt, but everything depends on his attitude afterwards, really. He's already tried to blame the OP doing her third shift of the day (childcare, paid work, family cooking, childcare again) for not telling him not to eat everything he saw, so not a good start.

If he is apologetic later, acknowledging the effort and planning and budgeting that went into that meal, and there is no repetition, all is well.

If, however, he maintains his blaming response or worse, complains about plain boiled pasta in passata with a meagre grating of stale cheese (pre-sprinkled so he can't hog the lot) for tonight's dinner, there needs to be a discussion about sharing the load more evenly and respecting each other's contributions, I think.

Of course he was greedy and thoughtless but I'd be more annoyed that he'd had a childfree evening with a friend, screwed up by eating his family's future tea and then BLAMED the OP for the screw up.

In her place had he been mortified and said he would sort tea for the next day I would probably not have been quite as angry (still have thought him an absolute pig though). Was he drunk or something OP because what was the logic of leaving a portion for the 5yo? Was he meant to have curry whilst the rest of you had something else?

He comes back from having had a meal at work and a nice time round his mates house all evening, while the OP has been sorting out the kids and the meal for the next day. He then helps himself to the meal the OP has spent time preparing for the family on top of all of the evening graft with the kids and people are defending this? He’s sounds like a prize knob. YANBU, OP. I’d be fuming too.

NearlyGranny sorry, cross-posted. I agree, I think the attitude afterwards is the important thing.

It also bothers me that he paused to consider one of his children while dishing up, but not the other child and his wife. Why?

I found that strange too- if he didnt know it was for later, then why did he save some for one child? he must have known it was for everyone in that case!

^^

This exactly! He obviously did pause to think!

Also I agree it’s the time as much as the money, although I note you are on a budget. It’s like he thought your time, in making something to save you time the next day, was not important.

I think there are other issues than that
Is it common you cook and he eats all of it or was it a one off?

It seems the problem is that you work and cook, he works and dont cook

honestly, if I came home at 10 pm, see an appetising fresh food on the corner, I would eat it myself

I cant believe you are such a slave, OP... and a martyr, the only one who takes care of the budget and food
if you are both working, one week he cooks, one week you, no brainer

if his cooking is rubbish, it will get better with practice, just let him do it
you sound quite controlling, so why not control the cooking? one week you, one week him - lay down the new rules

Tbh I dont think we get a full story here - 3 children below 5, a baby, OP is working....... like how?

Come clean OP

PS. everyone who is a slave to their household chores should lay down some rules and not play a victim, imho

IMO there’s a communication issue on both sides here.

On the one hand, he should have asked if this food was leftover/ok to eat. But on the other hand, if this was e.g. an unusual for the OP to cook the dinner the night before, she should have mentioned that the food on the side is tomorrow’s dinner.

I don’t mind if people in my house and have what’s in the fridge. The only rule I have is that if you finish something then you tell me and I’ll know to replace it. Similarly, if I have something in the fridge/cupboard which I intend to use for a meal I will make it clear that x in the fridge is for tomorrow’s dinner/dessert etc and not to eat it.

It’s a two way street.

The only fault here is a lack of communication, and the vitriol this man is being subjected to is completely OTT.

On this occasion he ate the curry. Annoying but these things happen and no good can come from dwelling on it.

Next time the OP will hopefully remember to tell him the food on the side is the meal for the next day and if she doesn’t, he will hopefully think to ask.

The posts defending the DH are bizarre.

Even assuming he genuinely thought the curry was leftover and up for grabs, he ate a disgusting amount. Are people honestly suggesting he wouldn't have been able to tell the difference between 1 portion and 3-3.5 portions on his plate? Whatever assumptions you've decided to make about the OPs typical portion sizes, there were four chicken breasts in it, so even without anything else, that's clearly still more than a portion.

As for suggesting it's all the OPs fault for being so controlling of his portion sizes 😂 perhaps she should be though if he thinks that's a reasonable snack.

Not everyone takes months off for maternity leave.
Not everyone is based in the UK.
And considering they are having to budget one both wages, they would be fucked financially. Especially when a families meal is considered as a snack.

Just want to add that 4 chicken breasts in my house wouldn't be enough to feed myself dh and our ds, we aren't greedy or anything it just doesn't look that big when chopped up and thrown in a curry and I know my dh would defo put away 2/3 breasts in a curry or what ever, he wouldn't even realise he was taking that much. So whilst I think he was mean not worrying about whether you have had some, I am thinking portion might have looked small?

Ok so this is inconvenient for you, but people are entitled to eat.

Only if they cooked the food themselves. If someone else cooked, you ask about the intentions for the large pot of curry (that clearly hasn't been served up).

And the OP and the kids are entitled to eat too. Especially when she cooked their dinner for tonight already.

Why is it just 'inconvenient' for the OP to have to produce a whole new dinner and miss out on the one she'd already cooked, but somehow unacceptable for the DH to not be entitled to just come in and eat several people's portions of food as a snack after he'd eaten his dinner earlier?

It's just not controlling to want to eat the food you cooked for your family.

You don't just come in, see a meal that someone else has cooked and decide it's fair game for you to eat it all (barring a tiny bit for a 5 year old). Especially when you know (a) your wife does cook things in advance (so there's a high likelihood that the full pot of curry that obviously hasn't been served up - because you can tell by looking - is tomorrow's dinner for everyone) and (b) there's s right budget (so it's unlikely that a full family sized curry is in fact 'going spare' or 'fair game').

I am thinking portion might have looked small?

Four chicken breasts in a curry sauce with vegetables? Hardly.

Only if they cooked the food themselves. If someone else cooked, you ask about the intentions for the large pot of curry (that clearly hasn't been served up).

I don’t agree with this. My DH doesn’t generally cook but the food is his as much as mine. He does his fair share.

Ok so this is inconvenient for you, but people are entitled to eat.

When they've eaten already that evening, it's greedy at best to expect a full meal - let alone to take most of a meal prepared for three people.

BlancoNita, I see it the opposite way. If we're having for eg. breaded chicken we have a breast each whereas if it's in a curry/ casserole etc. we'd have 2 breasts between 3 of us because the sauce + added veg would make them stretch further.

He wouldn't have eaten it if he wasn't hungry.

That's absolute rubbish. People eat because they're bored, because they're drunk, because they're high, because they enjoy the taste of something, and none of those require hunger.

If you put a pizza in front of me now I could easily scoff the lot because I can eat a lot. I'm not hungry at all, I've had breakfast, lots of water, and a filling mid morning snack of nuts, but I like pizza and would eat it fast enough that I wouldn't feel 'full' until I'd finished most of it. The only reason I wouldn't is I have my greed under control.

A family sized meal two hours after dinner is not a snack and it's not sating hunger. He might not have felt full, but that isn't the same as being hungry.

He wouldn't have eaten it if he wasn't hungry

So people only eat when they are hungry?
What about Picca, bulimia, boredom etc.

If we only ate when actually hungry we wouldn’t eat so many snacks.

Yanbu my DP does this knowing we plan our meals out and are currently on a strict budget. He hates overspending on food but will just help himself to 4 meals worth of food as and when he fancies and I'm always the bad guy if I dare to question it.
I either should have magically known he was in danger of eating all our dinner or I'm just EA for controlling how much he eats and pointing out that it's excessive.

ok
I have a problem with believing this accident

exaggerating, lack of communication, no house-rules

after 3 children its hardly believable (only if you want to play a victim and treat your husband as a child. No Timmy, you cant have another icecream!) :)

Share the bloody cooking!! one week you, one week him

Come clean OP I'm sure the OP is cackling to herself at the froth she's created.

GimmeTheSnacks was he stoned or drunk? He had come home from a couple of hours after work with his mate - do they hit the beers or weed or both?

My DH is 6 ft 4 and well built, and he loves a good curry, but he wouldn't eat a four chicken breast curry with (or without) two portions of rice as an after dinner late night snack...

Surely his behaviour was a bit peculiar, including the rather odd decision to leave a bit for just one of his children but not the other nor his wife, and the defensiveness about it being his wife's fault that he ate tomorrow's family meal as a snack, unless he wasn't anywhere close to sober?

How did he get home from his mate's house?

Jammydodger1981 no need to be so bloody rude or nasty.