Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

Just saddened that we still seem to be in the 1950s with the little woman sitting next to the driving man.

Of course we aren’t.

You just don’t want to listen to sensible reasons why some women can’t currently learn to drive.

Plenty of us already drive ourselves and our husbands around.

Aren't you just a winner OP

I agree, but only in the situation it would make life easier, there's already a car and driving partner, no medical reasons and it's affordable. It would drive me mad if I was dependent on a partner to get around, or if they were choosing to be dependent on me.

Completely disagree about spatial awareness. Most people can improve it, but like anything else there's a wide range of natural ability too. One dc is like me, has always had naturally good spatial awareness. The other is more average and had to work at it more.

You're also way off with your assumptions about affordability. It cost nothing more than diesel to have both far beyond test level before they were/ are old enough for a provisional.
Perhaps I should tell everyone to just use an old defender followed by a range of vehicles on private land as we did/do, it's just as unrealistic as your assumption everyone has £20 a month spare and the time and ability to teach their dc.

And fwiw, it cost a shit load more than £20 a month to add dsd to the defender insurance, let alone my cars insurance when she was old enough to drive in public. The cost of adding her as a driver was one of the deciding factors in buying her a car of her own.

Op you seem to think you're special because you're a woman who can drive!!! So bizarre!? Most women can. I can but if I didn't I wouldn't care less why people like you think. Try worrying about something that actually matters.

I'm sure there are things us poor non-driving women can do that you can't OP.

I, for example, can lick my own elbow.

So hah.

I don’t drive because my confidence was destroyed by various people when I was in my 20’s who all told me I should never drive for different reasons -

-Colleagues thought that I’d be an ‘absolutely hilarious’ driver, one to keep away from if you value your life. One was an ex-police officer and he said I’d be one of the dangerous drivers he’d stopped many times. They took the mickey out of me all the time, and thought they were so funny
-DF said ‘what do you want a license for’, in a derogatory and demeaning way
-DStep-father said new drivers wreck the gearbox on cars so no way should DM let me practice in her car (and she believed him so I didn’t)

Twenty years on and I can’t shake the comments from years ago, and I have no idea why I was told these things. I’m an ordinary, law-abiding person, and certainly not reckless or a risk-taker.

Also, DF always drove old bangers which frequently stalled or broke down at the traffic lights and I developed a real fear of this as a child and teenager. Even now the thought of driving and this happening to me is terrifying.

So, I have always relied on public transport and never accept lifts from anyone (lest I be seen as the CF mumsnet loves to hate), and if I can’t get somewhere under my own steam then I don’t go. Exceptions is weekends or holidays when DH drives but he reckons he loves driving, plus he never lets anyone drive his expensive car.

So no medical reason but I guess a psychological fear

I don't get why you as a couple would end up living in a setup that requires you to go everywhere by car if one of you doesn't drive and never has, honestly.

That’s assuming both parties have equal say in the choice of where to live.
That the woman has the money for driving lessons, a car, insurance and running costs, and isn’t told it’s a waste.
That her partner is prepared to look after their children while she learns.
That she’s in a relationship with someone who isn’t actively or passively trying to limit her independence.

I’m massively pro walking/cycling/public transport, but you have to see that for some women, it’s not just a case of learning to drive.

I don't want to. I know I wouldn't be any good at it. The thought of it scares me.

I cant afford to learn. Neither can DP. So we rely on public transport.

It's never something that's crossed my mind to do. My parents don't so that probably has some bearing on it.

My OH drives and my daughter is about to turn 17 and wants to learn. Maybe I will one day when I've got spare money.

Give it another decade or so and people will look back in horror at a time when it was considered wrong and selfish for anyone to abstain from driving. Yes, some people have to drive. Those of us who don't have to and don't do it shouldn't be going round apologising.

Because there are too many cars on the road as it is, driving lessons are an expense we can't afford, I have access to fabulous public transport and some of us are just made to be chauffeured

Driving is not a legal requirement, I prefer walking and using public transport and I do not want to drive.

I am an intelligent, professional woman and it has not harmed my career at all!

I cycle to work when I can and am fitter and healthier than many colleagues.

I can’t afford it. I also have 4 children and no help so no one who can watch them whilst I do lessons.

How judgemental, OP! I don't drive because for some reason I am useless at it and therefore I am a danger on the roads. You need to accept it is not for everyone.

It’s not even a about women who can’t learn to drive. Some of us don’t want to learn to drive. I live within walking distance of several bus stops, a National rail station and a London overground station. I can get a bus that takes 7 minutes to reach the nearest tube station if there’s problems with the trains. I take a short bus journey to work or get a train when traffic is bad. We live within 200 metres of a supermarket and my mind boggles when I bump into our NDNs getting out of their SUV in the car park. WTF?! I just don’t think cars are a necessary feature of life where we live.

We have a car AND I have a licence... I’m just terrified of driving and don’t unless absolutely necessary 🤷‍♀️

My spatial awareness is awful. Really struggled with parking and reversing etc. Took me seven tests and a few years but I got there in the end! You can learn and improve, it just takes practice and perseverance.

I barely drive. I don’t like it but will do it for necessary tasks.
If my husband and I go out in the car, he drives. I’m happy for him to drive. I don’t like driving on dual carriageways or motorways. My husband is a back seat driver too.
It works for us fir him to be the main driver.

I drive, DH doesn't. Or at least, he legally can, but hasn't driven since he passed his test at 17, both of us having lived in cities and neither of us needing a car until recently. I drive long distances for work and use the car 7 days a week. He still has no need to drive, despite us now living in a small town, as he commutes via train and his hobbies/interests are walkable. However it does mean that if we need to pick up a big item from a shop, visit family or go on day trips, I'm driving.

By the Ops standards I'm not sure if that makes me a 1950s housewife or my husband's chauffeur.

It means your husband is a 1950s housewife, Threeflyingducks.

Apparently.

You’re very angry and judgemental about this OP!

Can you imagine how much gridlock there would be if EVERYONE could drive? I bet you’d have something to complain about then too.

It’s only recently I’ve been able to afford to learn to drive and have spent well over £1,000 on lessons. Do you realise how expensive it is? Not everyone has someone who can just put them on their insurance. My lessons were £65 every week.

Couldn't afford it at 17, then went to uni in a city, then went to London, so no need. Aim to learn soon now we have DS, but just not a priority before now. Other people make different life choices: what's not to understand? If it doesn't impact others what's the issue?

Ok I give up. Just saddened that we still seem to be in the 1950s with the little woman sitting next to the driving man.
Most of whom seem to have overcome anxiety, spatial awareness, finances and desire to transport themselves

Oh what shit
So you want unsafe people driving? What happens when one hits you and the only reason is anxiety and they got scared? Will you say well hey, least they were driving?

My partners PTSD is actually from unsafe practices on the road, he was a truck driver and saw how just dangerous roads can be. Now due to PTSD anything unsafe on the road, inc people drive him nuts, we live by the saying driving is a privilege, not a right. If you cant safely drive, you have no right to drive.

Quite honestly, i find you attitude disgusting, you dont seem to care if human lives are put at risk cos "everyone must drive, there no excuse"

Wow. Always amazed at the number of people on this site who have never learned to drive (not talking about those with health problems). Be glad that you are in the UK, where distances are small and there are trains and buses most places. ( I really envy your rail system--ours sucks). I live in the U.S. and, outside of some of the larger cities, if you don't drive, you are well and truly fucked. As far as the OP's original question, I know of at least one person who broke up with her long-term partner over his refusal to learn to drive. She got tired of being his taxi service. Also know another person who refused to learn, adding at least an hour travel time to her husband's schedule every day as he had to drive her to work.

Money and health issues.. I would honestly be a hazard on the road.
I walk everywhere unless I have spare change for a bus.