Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

I started learning to drive when with stbxh had my own car as couldn't drive manual he borrowed it one day and it got stolen when I got it back he sold it and I've not had the money to do it since then I've just recently started again in the car my parents gave me still can't do manual so will be selling to get an automatic then there are no stops until I'm passed

So if dh is teaching the poor little woman to drive, where are the kids? In the back?

SimonJT. Read the OP.. I am asking about those who already have a driving partner AND a car in the household. ..

@Fivetillmidnight, spatial awareness is learned as a child. Some people don't develop it as well as others for a variety of reasons.

Why is there a driving test if anyone can do it?
They should give me a pilots licence, I bet I'd be really good at that.

I am asking about those who already have a driving partner AND a car in the household...

And if the car is a 2l turbo?

Well I’m in the seizure club.. so those buggers just won’t let me.

But dp can’t either, financially it means paying for lessons, tests, insurance and a car.. while still paying out what we do for travel already. Neither of us have began to shit money and it’s not looking likely. He also has issues with anxiety and his vision so isn’t even sure if he could safely drive at night.. might meet the legal requirements but it’s of fuck all use if he doesn’t feel safe and can’t get his arse back. Buses are infinitely cheaper for us too £114pm for unlimited travel over the entire county regardless of how many times we go where.. considering wear n tear, parking (£8 per day x5 min), fuel and insurance for someone with no claims.. we’d never be near that amount.

It can open up some job roles.. but none that apply to us personally (and obviously in my case I’d be a tad fucked if I wanted to be a bus driver)

When I was a single mum, I couldn't really afford to learn, then I met dp and he drove and I was just so used to not driving that I didn't bother for a while. I passed my test about 4 years ago now and it's the best thing I have ever done. I live just knowing I have the freedom to go anywhere and not rely on dp.

Because it’s incredibly expensive to have lessons. Because the insurance while learning as a new driver is huge. Because some people are never going to be safe and competent drivers, and we should be glad that they’re not on the roads. Because there’s many more worthwhile things to spend your money and time on. My three older teens, early 20s DC have no interest in driving either.

anxiety diagnosis.

had full licence at 18 and drove anywhere/everywhere up and down uk but had an awful incident where a haulage HGV drove into me and it changed things. not injured at all but made me not trust me to stay calm, dont trust my judgement or my car even though i got drove into.

dh does get pissed off doing the distance driving and i appreciate it is tiring staying on the ball but i do drive locally around the next town and villages where there are no dual carriage ways, no roundabouts with 4 lanes etc.

i have tried so many times to get back in the saddle but it terrifies me even after refresh driving lessons. at nearly 40, i do wonder if i will ever to be able to drive to scotland or cornwall etc again.

For older people it can be a combination of social conditioning and income difference of men and women.

Then it's a matter of priority. You think learning to drive is a necessary life skill, others don't.

PurpleDaisys .. in school ? . At an after school club ? At brownies/cubs ? With grandparents for an hour. /having tea with friends ?

ANY time you night goes out together for dinner , cinema . It just depends how much you really want to shoulder the burden and be an equal participant in transportation.

My dsil ((38) always talks about wanting to learn to drive. There's a car sitting on the drive as her dh drives a work van. She buses to work. I don't get it. It's not a money thing so obviously not a priority. I also think people like not being able to, for example a different dsil doesn't drive and has no intention, but her dm doesn't drive and my dB drives her everywhere, just like her df drives her dm. When they go out my db can't have a drink but she does. I think it's convenient. Dh and I both drive and take it in turns when there are family events.

I tried in an automatic for 3 years and came to the conclusion I'm not safe. I have the concentration span of a flea.

I mean I could probably have winged it and got there but that wouldn't necessarily mean I'd be safe to be on the road. If more people had my attitude I think the roads would be a damn sight safer tbh

Wow well done you, everyone slow hand clap off the op! I have a licence but I’m not a great driver and DH is do he prefers to drive anyway. I have driven twice in the last 10 years and I detest it. I’m stressed the whole time. If I panic I freeze and that is not good whilst driving as you have to react but I just can’t, I freeze and can’t think or react at all! Do you really want me on the roads with you/your loved ones?

Any parent can teach you? Are you having a laugh, my dad used to scream and shout at me making me nervous and jumpy as a learner so I refused to go out to practice with him as I’d be in angry tears at the end. So although I can drive I don’t and that my choice and had absolutely fuck all to do with anyone else!

You are being totally unrealistic about the lives of most people. An hour child free when the roads are quiet?

@Fivetillmidnight He has a driving partner, me, I have a car, I’m not a driving instructor, my car does not have dual controls, a learner also shouldn’t be allowed behind the wheel of a car with 310 bhp.

You could substitute “drive” for anything. If you’re able bodied and allowed to then why don’t you learn to: play the piano? Play tennis? It sounds arbitrary but driving isn’t a life skill. There are other modes of transport, some much better for the environment. And if someone in the family could drive anyway I’d think it less of an incentive to learn. I don’t think you can criticise those that choose not to learn any more than you can criticise those who chose not to learn other things. It might be top of your priority list but to others it isn’t and that’s ok.

YABU to say that “there’s no excuse”. People don’t have to make excuses for not learning to drive.

FWIW though, I’m currently learning to drive in my 30s after coming out of an abusive relationship that started in my late teens with a man who didn’t want me to have that freedom and constantly made me feel like a failure and selfish for wanting to spend money on something so “frivolous”. I’m glad I’m learning now (although yes, it is expensive!) but there’s no way I would have coped learning before.

Because it still terrifies me to the point I’m a danger

Also FUCK driving in my city , quicker getting the bus!

Live very centrally, always have done.

The cost of insurance alone has always been prohibitive, given both adults would still have to take public transport to work.

You are being very sneery and judgemental @Fivetillmidnight

Quite frankly other people's choice / decision not to drive is not your concern and I don't get why you are so angry about it?

I have ptsd from many car accidents being a passenger in my parents' car as a teenager. They were bad, nervous drivers who learned late (as in mid-40s/50s late). Nothing too serious but they were scary. Once I was holding a bottle of wine which exploded when someone ran into us, they thought it was my blood. Another time the car completely lost control in the snow, spinned around and stopped opposite the traffic. Luckily everyone was driving slowly.

I spent thousands of £££ having driving lessons, and had a special teacher who taught autistic students who was incredibly patient. I passed after 2 years and 6 exams when I was pregnant, then once I had my baby I just couldn't bring myself to drive again. The fear of putting my children in danger (just as my parents did) was too big.

I probably can have some emdr/trauma therapy to sort it out, but can't find the motivation.
I always say to my DH that in an emergency I can and will drive. But on a day to day basis, we live in London and we take Uber, and there is excellent public transport, so it hasn't been an issue.

It took me seven years to learn to drive. I then didn’t get in a car for almost four years after I finally passed my test.

I got a car a year ago and I am confident enough to potter around locally. DH doesn’t drive - he has never been in the driver’s seat in his life. I wouldn’t particularly want him to drive my car but it’s not an issue as he doesn’t care about learning. I don’t care that he can’t drive either 🤷🏻‍♀️

i shouldn't but .