Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

On what planet is everything easily accessible by public transport? In rural Scotland, on a Sunday, you'd wait a long time for a bus. The nearest station is 100 miles or more away. No taxis. Uber doesn't exist. You wouldn't want to ride your bike in the lashing rain or pouring wind.

We'll this is why I choose not to live in rural Scotland or anywhere similar. What an effing weird point to make

On what planet is everything easily accessible by public transport?

Umm.. In certain parts of the world where public transport is the norm.

Plus, did it ever occur to you that some of us non-drivers don’t mind the extra time it may take if we WANT to do something that may be in an area with limited public transport.

People who don't drive don't appreciate that they are restricting themselves

The only restriction is that I'd never live in rural Scotland, or rural anywhere really. Even if I did drive , I would hate to be isolated(and I'm a proper anti social grump) and not to have most things needed within walking distance or easily accessible.

Even in rural Scotland most places aren't anywhere like 100 miles from a train station, come on. Shetland and...?

I do know that it's a pain in the arse if you don't/can't drive sometimes. But people who rely on driving often do hugely overestimate how hard it is to get around without one as well.

Having a car is what makes you dependent. Maintained roads, traffic management, parking schemes, driving licences, car tax, MOTs, insurance, speed cameras, traffic police, motorways... All necessary so that you can hop into your car and spontaneously decide to go to a McDonald's drive-thru for dinner, or go to an out of town retail park.

I have freedom I can walk, then catch a train and go to the seaside quicker than driving (cheap as I have a disabled persons Railcard that is even valid at peak times even cheaper if I buy tickets in advance). I don't have to store/ maintain, drive or fuel the train myself. I don't get travel sick and I can get up walk around, play solitaire, listen to podcasts, read books and go to the loo while I am travelling. How is going by car superior? I have even travelled for many hours by train with a new born a toddler and a 4 year old and found it perfectly manageable. I have had some bad train experiences of course I have but not enough to put me off - after 45 years of non driving, letting the train take the strain I do not feel dependent or juvenile or less than ... I am happy with my situation.

@FlemCandango don't forget parking. How many threads do we have weekly about issues involving parking? At home,at schools,at work,hospitals etc. Trips about visiting places enquiring about parking. Parking disputes, arguments,road rage.
Issues because there's not enough parking,safe parking, close enough parking etc.

My Dh drives because his work paid for his lessons and test as they needed him to drive. I generally walk everywhere I need to go and only need transport once a month if that.

I can't afford to learn to drive. It's not just the cost of lessons or putting me on dh's insurance and him teaching me, it's the cost of adding me to the insurance as a new driver. We can just about run the car as is but to add me as a new driver would add £40 per month to the insurance.

It's not as simple as saying it only cost you £165 for your dd to learn to drive therefore everyone should be able to do the same. How much does it cost to insure your dd as a new driver?

Fwiw I don't rely on others for lifts, not even Dh. If i need to go somewhere I plan, and I'm fully prepared, to get there myself by walking/bus/train. On the rare occasions I need to travel for a work thing (maybe 3 times a year max) sometimes a colleague will offer a lift and I pay for the petrol, if not I get myself there. It's a pita sometimes but costs far less than me driving would.

As I said upthread I do drive and I do find it very useful but if ScotRail would pull the finger out and run a decent reliable train service from where I live I could easily imagine giving it up. I've only been driving a year and a half and that was what drive me to learn. Most mornings the train was at least delayed if not cancelled. I could get 2 buses but by the time I realised the train wasn't running getting the buses still made me late. Since I learned there was only one instance of traffic so bad it made me late.

Plus, did it ever occur to you that some of us non-drivers don’t mind the extra time it may take if we WANT to do something that may be in an area with limited public transport.

This.

Also that for some of us non-drivers being out in the rain or the wind seems a perfectly normal thing to do: it's shutting yourself away from the elements in a metal box that doesn't seem quite so natural.

Quite a few posts about anxiety over driving. Hypnotherapy really helped me. I was a really nervous and anxious learner(started in my early 30s because I felt reliant on my husband and was lucky enough to be able to afford the lessons) I liked the Joseph Clough hypnosis app and Derren Brown's Fear and Faith is a terrific look at overcoming fears. If you want to

I don't mind the extra time for doing things in an area with limited public transport. Being outside is incredibly natural to me. Unfortunately I can't fit in a full days work and the commute on foot into a 24hr period. Could possibly do it on public transport assuming when I got home I just had a quick shower and set off again for the next day. And I've always been a bit strange about not wanting the dc to do a 3hr journey either end of the school day. Possibly double that as one of the connections is notoriously unreliable.

Making the time for limited public transport is all very well if you're trundling round the countryside on a nice day out. It's not compatible with life and work.

I find it strange that town and city dwellers take public transport for granted. Especially those in London that for the most part are completely oblivious to provision in the rest of the country.

People who don't drive don't appreciate that they are restricting themselves as it would never occur to them to travel somewhere unusual on a Sunday. Or very rurally at any time. They stick to what they know, go places that they can access on public transport. They don't even realise that they are doing this so probably do think they can go anywhere and do anything
If they want to travel on a weekend. I live in a tourist region, come weekends when caravan park fills up, we hibernate. Weekends are for relaxing, not running around

I love being out in the elements, have 2 dogs that I walk every day, a horse that I need to take care off twice a day, I need to transport to get to the yard with my saddle. I couldn’t do that without a car, I also compete so have to transport my horse to different locations, I couldn’t do any of that if I didn’t drive.

I absolutely love driving the freedom and flexibility it brings to life I couldn’t imagine being without it.
I live in a village with an ok bus service to nearest town (every 1.5 hours until
6, couple on a Saturday, no Sunday service at all) but I’d need 3 busses to get to work 9 miles away
I don’t think non drivers can understand The impact on their lives as never know differently I’ve never met a “late” learner who’s regretted it

@gin96 @figgygal
Ok so crack on with your cars, no non driver will say you shouldn't have a car

But I don't have horses and saddles and I live in a city with good transport so I don't need a car.
I'm not lucky, I don't take good public transport for granted, I chose very carefully where I live to fit my life style choices.
My lifestyle choice does not require a car, your does, is it really so hard to understand

I find it strange that town and city dwellers take public transport for granted

I don't think most of us do take it for granted, I grew up in the country and know exactly what it's like. But this is a thread about why people dont drive, so of course its going to be people who dont need to rely on a car.

Not oblivious to it, but it does mean living outside of the reach of the public transport network of the nearest town isn't really an option for me. When I was house hunting when leaving XP I had to discount plenty of otherwise suitable and often more affordable places, because I would have been totally isolated there.

Probably if I'd grown up rurally there would have been more of a need for me to learn at an earlier age.

@Bertiebotts Wow says it all if you don’t drive, it limits you to where you can live.

What about taking children to their hobbies, Birthday parties.

There’s also the time aspect, I can fit so much more in my day.

I like that I can drive, but don't particularly like driving. I have a car because I love hill walking, mountain biking, etc. Unfortunately the places to do these things (in Scotland) often have poor public transport connections. However, DH & I decided to buy a flat from which we can both commute to work by public transport as we much prefer to sit on a train than drive. Day trips aside, we've probably been on more carless holidays than holidays by car.

I like being able to drive and to have that extra bit of flexibility, but don't understand why some PP feel the need to express their seeming superiority over non-drivers. Plus I think those heavily reliant on their car might not always see how that can have its limitations as well (not visiting town centres because the parking is too expensive; setting off for a holiday at 4am to beat the rush hour traffic; not going to the seaside on a Saturday because there's no parking; leaving sports matches or other events early to beat the traffic, etc).

Yes it's great, I just fucking love not feeling like an actual adult or real person according to many

Don't you think most people would drive if they could?

I shouldn't bother posting on these threads, it just brings back the utter humiliation and failure and useless feelings all over again.

One perfectly able person relying on a partner to drive everywhere, in my opinion is selfish, entitled and lazy, (like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory)

Totally agree that if you want to get somewhere by car, you learn to drive and share the responsibility and don't be so selfish.

Wow says it all if you don’t drive, it limits you to where you can live.

What about taking children to their hobbies, Birthday parties.

Yes - people who don't drive do know this!

But it limits where I can live to places I can function without a car. So I live somewhere that I can get children to hobbies and birthday parties.

Gin96, yes and if you do have a car (or more than 1) the availability of parking probably restricts where you can live. Only look at some the parking threads on here, the number of people who say they'd never buy a house without a drive and/or who pay a premium to be able to store a metal box right outside their front door. I'm one of them as well. When I was looking to buy I decided not to put in an offer on 1 place because of the poor parking options. Why is it so hard to see that owning & not owning a car can both be restrictive in their own ways?

There’s also the time aspect, I can fit so much more in my day

Public transport is the same though. As I said earlier when I have to go to meetings 9/10 times I go by public transport. It means the journey time isn’t dead time and I can work on the journey. Sitting in traffic is utterly futile when you can be doing other things!