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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why don't you drive. ?

921 replies

Fivetillmidnight · 05/02/2020 20:37

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

OP posts:
BarbedBloom · 08/02/2020 14:47

Years ago I couldn't afford to pay for private lessons and had no one to teach me. Then I lived in London and never needed one. Now I live somewhere with no parking and also have RA, which has badly damaged my hands and I struggle to grip things, so doubt I could hold a wheel safely or react quickly enough to avoid an accident.

My husband had lessons but never did his test as he lived somewhere where you didn't need a car really. Now again we can't afford to pay for lessons again which are £25 an hour round here as I can't work at the moment

dottypotter · 08/02/2020 14:52

Mine your own business its nothing to do with you whether people drive or not.

Are you bored starting meaningless posts?

Topseyt · 08/02/2020 14:55

I can hardly believe that you wanted to teach your neighbour to drive when she clearly doesn't want to.

Back off and stop interfering. Don't offer her lifts. Then you won't be so bothered, surely. You are sounding very pushy about it, and if I were your neighbour I could resent you for it.

PanicAndRun · 08/02/2020 14:57

@Fivetillmidnight however you had many posters that do fit the criteria explaining what why they don't drive. You ignored all those posts and whinging about lack of reading comprehension from the posters whose situations you deem irrelevant to your post.

In fact all the answer are irrelevant as you have an issue with one woman who is a CF.

Funkycats · 08/02/2020 15:00

Can see why op is pissed off about lack of comprehension skills though. Nowhere has she said that people should have a car. The question was about a one car family and why there is only one driver.
Tbh one car /2+ drivers would take the pressure off the one driver.
We are a 2 car/2 driver household. I'd love to cut down to one but current job circumstances would make it very complicated.

Exhaustedpanda · 08/02/2020 15:03

My DH doesn’t drive, I do. He just doesn’t want to, never has. I do agree though it is tiresome that it is always me that has to drive if we go anywhere. Always me that has to take the children anywhere etc. But tbh I think he has no idea how annoying that actually is. So I can only imagine it is the same in reverse.

Gin96 · 08/02/2020 15:13

What if you need to take your child to uni and move their belongings? You can’t take large items on the train, someone has to drive. At some point you have to rely on someone who drives. It takes your independence away if you can’t drive.

TheMemoryLingers · 08/02/2020 15:22

What if you need to take your child to uni and move their belongings?

Whatever are they taking to university nowadays? When I went in the 1990s, I used a backpack and took the train - even though both my parents were drivers at the time. They weren't keen on chauffeuring me about. I've no children to worry about, but if I had I'd be expecting them to sort out their own transport at the age of 18.

TheAgeofAnxiety · 08/02/2020 15:23

(I drive with that btw because DH doesn't due to epilepsy. But I'm over careful and stressed out)

Zzoomburr · 08/02/2020 15:26

I learnt to drive in my 30s, only to help shoulder the burden driving the kids around, even though I hated driving. After divorce I never drove again, and now my 2nd husband absolutely loves driving and can’t stand being a passenger or even the thought of anyone else driving his (our) car.

Ted27 · 08/02/2020 15:26

@gin96 not everyone goes to university. My God daughter is from Penzance, goes to Edinburgh Uni, no question of her being driven. She was limited to what she could carry on a plane. And then went shopping when she got there - no need for to take large items

Huntlybyelection · 08/02/2020 15:26

Gin96 you could hire a van with a driver. Or courier. Pay for the service. Having a child who in the future may wish to go to university some distance from their home and take a significant amount of stuff that can't be carried isn't a reason to drive in itself.

I moved home from a year living at the other end of the country. I carried two giant heavy bags on the train and couriered two big boxes of books. Worked out about £20 for the courier. Sorted.

Borisdaspide · 08/02/2020 15:28

You can hire vans to move.

PanicAndRun · 08/02/2020 15:30

It takes your independence away if you can’t drive.
@Gin96 why?

Tbh I find it weird how reliant people are on cars and that they equal driving with independence. Even more so that they seem to think there are so many things you can't do without a car. What will you do if the car breaks and you can't replace it? Or for some reason you become unable to drive?

I managed to move bloody countries, not just go to uni in a different city, without driving.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 08/02/2020 15:30

My brother managed to go to a distant university when my parents didn’t drive. I don’t remember it being much of a problem.

Rachel1874 · 08/02/2020 15:31

Oh no your neighbour would annoy me!! And I just wouldn't give her a lift. Not that I could anyway. But that's why I would never move too far out of my city, ready access to public transport.

Gin96 · 08/02/2020 15:34

I can drive to a different country and I do regularly, l also travel by train, boat and plane but if you can’t drive you have to rely on someone that does at sometime in your life, moving bulky objects for one

Borisdaspide · 08/02/2020 15:44

Good job there's an entire industry devoted to the moving around of bulky stuff then.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 08/02/2020 15:46

I can drive to a different country and I do regularly, l also travel by train, boat and plane but if you can’t drive you have to rely on someone that does at sometime in your life, moving bulky objects for one

Rely? I just pay!

Have you not heard of these small busineses wot is called a man with a van?

Or I just pay a delivery charge to the person selling me bulky furniture.

corythatwas · 08/02/2020 16:07

And the OP is still choosing to bang on about other people's reading skills while totally ignoring the point about fewer people able to drive in a household probably = fewer car journeys altogether= probably a good thing given current state of the planet.

Even if my son and I were constantly cadging for lifts (which we aren't) the point would still stand that whenever dh isn't available those car journeys simply can't happen so we have to sort ourselves out as we currently do- by thinking of ways that don't involve a car. Almost certainly fewer car journeys overall. Given that even the OP has to breathe the same air as the rest of us, I don't see why this should be a negative.

YasssKween · 08/02/2020 16:17

You may as well just have posted asking "why doesn't my specific neighbour not drive?"

Then waited for someone to answer with them exact response "It's nothing to do with the money. It's everything to do with not being bothered whilst all around her pic up the slack. And no, she isn't 'anxious' one little bit."

And then "I KNEW I WAS RIGHT!"

I'd drive yourself to a spa day and chill out OP, you are so over invested in other people's decisions that it comes across as batshit.

Oh and you're welcome from all non drivers (I have a legitimate reason you have deemed acceptable as I have epilepsy - go me!) for us reducing our collective carbon footprint by using public transport or being single car households.

Thanks for your environmental damage and weird obsession with other people's decisions Grin

StateofConfusion · 08/02/2020 16:47

I need to drive. Really do. However DH drives which gets us by and I have to walk or use public transport when he works.
Hes the only person who could take me out but it would mean having the baby with us which I am not comfortable with when I have zero experience and running the car we have and various other Bill's means I haven't been able to afford lessons.

I do so wish it was as straightforward as you think it is op.

lotusbell · 08/02/2020 16:48

I don't want to. The end.

ChocolateCranberries · 08/02/2020 16:51

Disability does not mean you are prevented from driving if you want to. It depends if you want to
You are being ridiculous, could I pass the test, maybe, would anyone want me on the road if I got overwhelmed and had a meltdown while driving a car, definelty not. I don't drive as I don't feel I'd be a safe driver because of my autism.
Dh drives us everywhere but if he's not here I use a taxi as no public transport near me.

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