Is this too explicit for Year 7, 11 years old

[Sarah510]

So, my ds is doing some stuff on online grooming at school. Apparently they were shown a video, where a boy made friends with a stranger online, and then got tricked into meeting him, and the man sexually abused him (this wasn't actually shown in the film, it was explained in a voice-over, just that the boy was "sexually abused") and then the boy was murdered by being stabbed in the neck.

One of the girls in the class was so upset she had to leave the classroom.

Now they have to do a 'play' about it in groups. DS has a lot of questions about sexual abuse - and I've answered them, but am I too 'old-fashioned' to think this is a bit too explicit for 11 year olds. He is constantly worrying now about strangers, and would they stab him in the neck and if he was sexually abused what would they do to him. I answered as simply as I can, that it's when grown ups want to do sexual things with children. He wanted more info, so I had to go into more detail. I've always said to him to be careful online and monitor him very closely and he has a couple of friends that he plays games with sometimes, but he doesn't have a phone and just plays on our ipad or simple stuff like that. I know he's in secondary now, but is it a bit much or is it normal...

You’re not being old fashioned. I would be livid about that lesson. Schools aim their stuff at the majority of the class and ignore the needs of the much more sensitive 20%. Read Parenting the Sensitive Child (wish teachers would read this!)

My son is in primary but he’s had so many nightmares caused by various school lessons over the years, as have many other children in his class. Teachers are desensitised to horror and violence (like most adults) and don’t get that some of the stuff they show children is traumatic for them.

The video does sound too explicit for 11 year olds -I teach and I wouldn't show that to my Y7 classes.

There are plenty of ways to teach online safety without causing upset/fear.

Perhaps speak to the HoY or form tutor?

Have you seen the video?

Was it Breck's last game?

In my opinion yes you are too old fashioned. It is sad but true that by secondary these conversations need to be had.

I say this as an ex teacher and current police officer.

If theyre old enough to be online theyre old enough to know the risks. Do you shy away from telling them the realities if if they got hit by a car or messed about with fireworks?

I think they need to know the risk but in an age appropriate manner - however, some children are more/less mature at a particular age. It does sound a bit extreme/explicit

The problem is these issues don't wait for an 'age appropriate' time to affect kids so need to be taught. That said patients and teachers need to support this education appropriately to give context and answer questions.
Those questions can often make the best of us feel uncomfortable and it's completely normal to sometimes struggle to find the right way to talk to your kids about these things.
I've always gone for factual, simple as possible and not elaborating too much unless further questions are asked. I've also linked to wider conversations about why we do other things to keep them safe and it's not because I don't trust them but because there is a small minority of people who may want to cause them harm and it's my job to give them the tools to protect themselves from being put in difficult or dangerous situations and recognise when they might happen.
If you are uncomfortable and unsure about how to support your child following the lesson perhaps ask the teacher for their suggestions and they may be able to help and adjust the lesson content to cover aspects that the class are struggling with.

I showed that video and one called Kayleigh’s love story to my yr7 and yr9.

YABU!!

Children of senior school age need to be shown these over and over again.

My son watched this last year in yr7, he found it really interesting (and v sad) we talked a lot about what happened. He was shocked that this could happen, in the way it happened.

I think it’s a good thing for children to be exposed to particularly given the vast majority at that age have an online presence. But I am also sure there will be children who are distressed by it. It’s a fine balance for the teachers to take in approaching and managing this content.

When I google Breck's last game it tells me it would have had a 15 rating in the cinema.

Sadly these conversations have to be had - don’t blame the school or the teacher - blame the vile humans involved .

Breck's last game comes in 2 versions, one with the knife scene and one without, so teachers can choose to show the less explicit one. It's more normally a year 8+ video, but of course by then many kids are already absorbed into online games.

I wonder if the thinking behind it is to shock them to a certain extent? I remember the public health(?) safety videos we were shown in the 80’s - some of them were terrifying - the one where the boy is electrocuted on the train tracks in particular scared the crap out of me.
I never went near a train line though! It’s sad schools feel they have to resort to this. I would find it upsetting too as it feels like they are being forced to lose some of their innocence. I would def speak to school to get more context.

It does sound like it derives specifically from the awful Breck Case. I’m conflicted. In one way I want to keep their innocence, but in another I want them to know what can happen so it doesn’t happen to them. I bet Breck’s mum wishes he had seen a similar video before he took off to his death. Awful case, but it does happen. I know of another family where the boy was being groomed and then handed around loads of men through online games. They were caught in the act as it were and although this boy lives his life is irreparably damaged. Parents oblivious. Parent like you and me. These cases are rare, but so serious that I think it tips the balance into teaching quite explicitly on the issue.

And to put this in perspective, children in my daughter’s year 3 class are playing unsupervised fortnite, so it really does need to happen young.

It is very important that kids understand how to protect themselves online. No, he's not too young to be seeing this as he's at an age where he will be using the internet/social media.

When I was 11 I was going on Omegle talking to men because I found it exciting, I had absolutely no idea how dangerous it was and that's because no one ever told me. It was only after my friend sent nudes to a man and he published them that we all learnt the hard way how dangerous being online can be. Please don't let your kids learn the hard way.

As for protecting sensitive kids - sensitive kids will be some of the most easily targetable due to them being sympathetic by nature, so it is ever so important for them to understand these things.

They are hard hitting but necessary unfortunately. They are traumatic but I'd rather deal with that than suffer the consequences of naivete. They're shown in schools because parents (myself included) tend to shy away from the grim realities and make rules such as 'only be online friends with real life friends' without explaining exactly what the consequences can be. Also children tend to dismiss a lot of what they are told. It's hard to dismiss these cases.

Yabu , this stuff is important and if it’s making your son think more carefully about things then it can only be a good thing .
What happened to Breck was awful and the perpetrator was only a couple of years older than him so not like a creepy old man that people envision, they come in all ages and sexes ..

The PSHE association advises against using this in schools...www.pshe-association.org.uk/news/warning-against-using-breck’s-last-game

There's a big difference between age ratings for entertainment which is gratuitous and preparing children for the very real dangers of online behaviour.

Don't get me wrong, I hate that my children are exposed to these things but I watched an interview with Breck's mother and it's truly heartbreaking.

That's an interesting link.

Sorry if someone else has said this but the video you are referring to is a true story. I'm torn - this stuff happens and it would worry me that it would be the sensitive niave children who would give strangers the benefit of the doubt and do what they ask rather than a more street wise kid who knows to be wary of stuff.
I certainly do think the role play aspect was a step too far. Just the video was enough!
To be fair the police have said on their website if the film was in the cinema's it would be rated 15.
My son was told about Brek's story in year 6. Although I don't think he saw the video.
www.leics.police.uk/police-forces/leicestershire-police/areas/leicestershire-force-content/c/campaigns/2019/brecks-last-game/

Sometimes you have to disturb a bit to warn of the dangers effectively and make DCs take note.
Do be careful, Johnny, or something bad might happen is just not going to cut it.

11 is too young for this. My DS will be 10 next month and I still shield him from most things, maybe he’s too wrapped in cotton wool for his own good but I really don’t think he needs to know about vicious stabbings.

YABU

Those videos are priceless in getting kids to see the reality of ‘making friends’ online, lying about where you’re going and truly understanding that people who aren’t always say who they are.

We have watched and talked about them a lot!

The ‘sensitive’ children need to see them too, they don’t have immunity from this shit when it happens, not preparing them for it makes them more vulnerable.