Is this too explicit for Year 7, 11 years old

[Sarah510]

So, my ds is doing some stuff on online grooming at school. Apparently they were shown a video, where a boy made friends with a stranger online, and then got tricked into meeting him, and the man sexually abused him (this wasn't actually shown in the film, it was explained in a voice-over, just that the boy was "sexually abused") and then the boy was murdered by being stabbed in the neck.

One of the girls in the class was so upset she had to leave the classroom.

Now they have to do a 'play' about it in groups. DS has a lot of questions about sexual abuse - and I've answered them, but am I too 'old-fashioned' to think this is a bit too explicit for 11 year olds. He is constantly worrying now about strangers, and would they stab him in the neck and if he was sexually abused what would they do to him. I answered as simply as I can, that it's when grown ups want to do sexual things with children. He wanted more info, so I had to go into more detail. I've always said to him to be careful online and monitor him very closely and he has a couple of friends that he plays games with sometimes, but he doesn't have a phone and just plays on our ipad or simple stuff like that. I know he's in secondary now, but is it a bit much or is it normal...

It's important that they realise what the dangers could be and not shielded from it. I think it's good the school showed the video.

It’s a true story and breck was only 14 with the grooming starting several months earlier so my view would be that it’s better for 11-12 year olds who are playing the exact same video games to be aware of who is out there and what they could do

The world is a dark and dangerous place.

Kids need to be a bit scared IMO.

I can't comment on the video as I haven't seen it, but the message does need to hit home very very hard. He'll be virtually the only kid with no phone; the majority in his year will have unfettered internet access. They'll have seen porn.

I really don't see anything wrong with explaining factually what rape is, which is I assume what you were being coy about.

A lot of y7 will have social media and be playing online games and chatting to randoms who can use voice changing apps to appear younger. They think that adults are being overly cautious when they try and warn them about online predators. They will have had lessons about sexting and nudes but teens often think that it won't happen to them or that adults are catastrophising when it's happening up and down the country every day.

When my teen son has played Fortnite I can hear y1/2 kids talking on their mic. I was in the room for 10 mins and I knew the child's age (6), his mum's name, his school's name and that he was currently home alone. I dread to think what would happen if someone got his address out of him. I understand that when you're gaming you might let your guard down as your focus is on the game but it's really important for kids to be careful.

If its breck game our year 6s have been invited to watch it with parents as the mum is very local to us and is coming to give a talk to them and parents about internet safety.

The Breck Bednar documentary had a 16 rating iirc.

That said, I showed it to my ds when he was 11. School invited parents to tell us about the case and told us about the documentary. Was up to us if wanted to show it to child. I did because I would prefer my ds to know the reality of what could happen. However, I sat with him, paused it and talked him through it. I think it’s quite rough for a class of 11yos to take without some sort of warning.

Children are being groomed from the age of 10. It is too late to teach children what grooming is and how to stay safe when they are 13/14 as it often starts well before then.

We have shown brocks game and Kayleigh’s love story to al years in our high school. We are in an area which is rife for sexual grooming and so we need to. You could always remove your own son out of these lessons in future if you feel it’s harmful rather than beneficial.

It’s really bad that children are having to listen and watch this stuff.

But it’s actually happening and so they need telling and as uncomfortable as it is to try and explain it we have to keep our kids safe. Being fluffy about this just wont cut the mustard.

No, this is the perfect age for it. It's a really important lesson for kids. I would be pleased that school were tackling the subject so well rather than the really basic talk they sometimes give. This is likely to have more of an impact than a teacher who says 'be careful online'. Reassure your DS that he is safe and that you are always there if he ever needs you.

If they access social media or are online in anyway they should be made aware of the risks. I’d rather my DD be upset and aware than not and un prepared.

I have just watched the video of Brek's last game on youtube after following the link on the police website. I am not sure what your son saw but the video does not say anything about sexual assault or him being stabbed in the neck. The video I saw I would be fine about being shown to year 7s.

Meant to add, this is not the worst that kids are exposed to anyway. At least this is for the positive. The crap they access in their phones in high school is much worse.

Does he have a phone? Does he play online?

Sorry if it sounds harsh but its exactly this kind of naivety that campaigns like this are trying to overcome. Yes, i wholheartedly agree that we shouldn't have to expose our 11 year olds to this kind of video, but thats not living in the real world. Grooming and exploitation happens at that age (and younger) and children need to be aware of the risks.

If its a way of opening dialogue between children / friends / parents / teachers, I'm all for it. YABU.

I’ve been to court as a witness in a child abuse case where the child was in Year 7. She was groomed online and raped. Her school friends were witnesses too because they knew she was going to meet him. It was horrific. It was not the only case the police had to deal with that week.

You should be able to consent if you are happy or not for your child to watch such material.
However, if your child has watched any of the trash TV shown in Eastenders, Emmerdale, Hollyoaks, Coronation Street or anything similar, he will have watched much worse.

I don’t watch these, however my mother does, and I’ve seen trailers.

They are good reason to get rid of the license fee, and are just horrible with dreadful or ridiculous plot lines, full of yelling people.

( Hollyoaks and Eastenders regularly play adverts for upcoming plot lines)

As horrible as it may be and sound, scaring them with this story could be more beneficial in the long run. The shock factor will stick to them more at that age. It's not nice but it is a reality. I can image that Brecks mum wishes her son had been taught about grooming and internet safety earlier.

Absolutely not too young - this is exactly when they need to be learning that this kind of stuff is happening, so they can spot the signs. Surely 11-14 is the key target for online grooming.

Up to the voiceover, I was thinking YABU. Kids need to know the potential consequences. But if there was a scene where the boy actually got stabbed in the neck? That's too much. You just can't assume 11 year olds would be OK with seeing that, regardless of the context. There are ways to tell a hard hitting story without this.

I guess I was a "sensitive child." Miss Marple gave me severe anxiety problems, along with the BFG and a fire safety video that meant I couldn't even light a Bunsen burner by myself until year 9. Saw a crime documentary about girl gangs and was having nightmares for six months. No way would I have come out of that lesson unscathed.

@fpurplea
I’ll never forget the video of the girl who’s foot get sucked down the side of the escalator. Nightmares for weeks.
OP our school warn us in advance of things like this so we can set the scene and prepare our children. That’s the least they should have done.
I do think they are too young for this content, but then I also think reception is too young for the nspcc pants video. School told us they were showing it. I watched it alone and then with DD. She liked the song but clearly didn’t get any of the underlying messages. I did let her watch it in class though. I guess we just have to be guided by the professionals.

It really doesn't matter if "they've probably seen worse." Some kids will have accessed hardcore porn, some will still be behind their parental filters, most will be somewhere in the middle. Surely it isn't the school's job to tick "watch a reconstructed but graphic murder" off their list?

fpurplea - have you watched the film? There is no reconstructed murder and its not graphic.

Would you rather he didn't know the dangers? This shit is being explained because is has actually happened in real Life! It is not a story this is the great fucking reality that we live in!
My dd is the same age. They need to know. My area is rife with knife crime and county line drug gangs at the minute. She wants to hang out at the park with her friends unsupervised. I have had to explain things to her as to why I won't allow it.
Should I have not told her and let her go.?

I watched Breck's Last Game with my 11 year old after she started messaging friends of friends rather than sticking to people she actually knew.

The version I watched with her had no mention of sexual assault or being stabbed. I thought it was perfectly pitched for an 11 year old. It helped her understand the dangers I was trying to explain to her.

Interesting I’d be generally in favour but 21% of girls and 16% of boys ( iirc ) are victims of abuse themselves so shiiiiitt how do they deal with that ?