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Original poster

Is this too explicit for Year 7, 11 years old

184 replies

Sarah510 · 05/02/2020 13:52

So, my ds is doing some stuff on online grooming at school. Apparently they were shown a video, where a boy made friends with a stranger online, and then got tricked into meeting him, and the man sexually abused him (this wasn't actually shown in the film, it was explained in a voice-over, just that the boy was "sexually abused") and then the boy was murdered by being stabbed in the neck.

One of the girls in the class was so upset she had to leave the classroom.

Now they have to do a 'play' about it in groups. DS has a lot of questions about sexual abuse - and I've answered them, but am I too 'old-fashioned' to think this is a bit too explicit for 11 year olds. He is constantly worrying now about strangers, and would they stab him in the neck and if he was sexually abused what would they do to him. I answered as simply as I can, that it's when grown ups want to do sexual things with children. He wanted more info, so I had to go into more detail. I've always said to him to be careful online and monitor him very closely and he has a couple of friends that he plays games with sometimes, but he doesn't have a phone and just plays on our ipad or simple stuff like that. I know he's in secondary now, but is it a bit much or is it normal...

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 05/02/2020 15:07

Did they actually show a scene with a stabbing? That seems excessive and counter-productive.

However, it is never too soon to explain to DCs what sex is and what sexual abuse is. If you don't do it as a parent, then a sexual predator could be your child's first introduction to the topic and you can be sure he won't explain things to your child the right way. DC need to know about sex so they can understand consent, so they can recognize and validate their own feelings of something being wrong, so they know why sex is inappropriate when it comes to children.

Of course this doesn't mean that DCs should see sexual abuse! But it should be discussed openly and in detail.

maddy68 · 05/02/2020 15:10

It'll be the video we all show to yr 7 everything is implied. Nothing graphic is shown. In fact it's great. If you google "Think you know". It's on there.

Or YouTube Claire's story "I thought I knew"
It's brilliant and necessary

crochetmonkey74 · 05/02/2020 15:11

Of course this doesn't mean that DCs should see sexual abuse! But it should be discussed openly and in detail

as a teacher this is the key for me- if we talk in couched terms about it- kids are often confused about EXACTLY what we mean.

fpurplea · 05/02/2020 15:12

@Molly2017
It's funny the things that stick with you. The kids playing on the building site and one of them falling and smashing their head on a sharp edge, so you could see the brains on it. 🤮 I mean, I don't necessarily think everything in school should have been neutered down to a level I would have been 100% in my comfort zone with, because that wouldn't have even registered with a lot of my classmates (and this was when there was uproar about how violent Streets of Rage was.) And I don't know that parental consent would have fixed it, if it meant children who were actually in danger would have been withdrawn from the class. But as a child who was at statistically and evidentially low risk, the damage caused watching this would have far far outstripped the risks.

Karenisbaren · 05/02/2020 15:13

I personally think hat if your child is accessing socail media be it facebook or anything else then the children need to be warned how simply it can happen and what can happen, way too many parents letting their children on faceook and goodness knows how many other media sites at very young ages.

ittakes2 · 05/02/2020 15:13

Sarah510 - I thought it worth mentioning that I was sexually abused by a stranger at 11/12. If someone had of explained to me what sexual abuse was when I was young I would have had the language to tell someone soon after it happened. But instead I bottled it up until late teens and it only came out after I developed an eating disorder. Its uncomfortable but high school is the age children should know about these things.

Original poster
Sarah510 · 05/02/2020 15:15

yeah it's interesting. he definitely isn't on any social media, he doesn't have a phone, and he plays fotnite with a couple of school friends - with me in the room. maybe he's been very sheltered - he just hasn't been exposed to any violent stuff on tv. I suppose I was a lot older than he is when I was even told the facts of life - he's known for ages though, I'm very open and honest. He's terrified of all strangers now, and of being kidnapped. I tell him that's very unlikely to happen. It's good the school are covering it, but maybe a 'heads up' would have been helpful. (When I came in from work last night, first question - mum, what's sexual abuse, what's grooming, how do grown ups have sex with children, is the neck the best part to stab if you want to kill someone). I wasn't prepared lol!

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 05/02/2020 15:16

It's difficult - in an ideal world we would want them to just 'be children' and protect them from having to think about any of the nasty things in the world for as long as possible.

But awful things happen and we also want to keep them safe.
When I was working with yr 7's a boy in the class was abducted and sexually abused. It was pretty dreadful in every way - for the boy obviously, his family, his friends and other children at the school.

I don't know if more awareness of stranger danger would have helped him (he was grabbed and pushed into a car), but if showing a film did give children more awareness, particularly about online safety, then I'm in favour.

Id also be in favour of parents being invited to online safety talks and to watch films and learn about safety measures that can be put in place to protect children. 11yr olds shouldn't be having unsupervised access to everything online, and they shouldn't be able to talk to strangers - they are too young to fully understand all the implications so as parents we have to make appropriate decisions for them.

Original poster
Sarah510 · 05/02/2020 15:18

PS I thought facebook was min age 13? I guess I'm out of touch... In his old school none of his friends even had phones. I guess it was unusual, I think all the parents in his class were 'fighting' against the tide, and holding off on getting them phones as long as possilblbe. He only has one now to ring me just in case, as he gets home befor eme and we don't have a landline.

ittakes2, I'm so sorry for what you went through. Yes I see what you mean about having the words/language/knowledge it would help

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 05/02/2020 15:23

It is easy to forget how little DCs know and how one can misinterpret things from a position of ignorance. Even DCs who have been told the facts of life tend to know scientific facts about sperm, eggs and wombs. But none of this helps you see that an adult touching you or forcing you to touch them is sex or that it is wrong. DCs need more explicit information about what sex is to recognize it if it happens to them. They also need to know the really conflicting message that sometimes adults are wrong and manipulative - this is a difficult one because DCs are taught to be obedient and to assume that adults have their best interests at heart.

UnaCorda · 05/02/2020 15:24

The problem is these issues don't wait for an 'age appropriate' time to affect kids so need to be taught.

Exactly. And unfortunately, as someone else said, you're not immune just because you happen to be sensitive. (Also a girl leaving the room doesn't necessarily mean a lot - they can be rather melodramatic at that age.)

It's not "nice" that children have to watch this kind of thing, but better to be a bit shocked or upset by a film than abused/raped/murdered by a stranger.

Selfsettling3 · 05/02/2020 15:27

It’s a CEOP video. No he is not too young to see it. If he does not know something exists then how can he protect himself from it. Boys often wrongly believe only girls will be the victims of sexual abuse.

doritosdip · 05/02/2020 15:30

Our school warns us when the subject is "serious" For example my son is in y8 and there's been a lot of talk about knives and gangs. There was a gruesome double murder of teenagers late last year so it's a topic that has been talked about a lot.
This year they've discussed some very serious subjects like County Lines, FGM and sexting. My son knew about County Lines before I did Blush

TheDailyCarbuncle · 05/02/2020 15:30

I am all for being open with children about the dangers of sexual abuse - I was abused as a child and part of the reason I was an easy target is the fact that my parents wouldn't talk about anything.

But

I agree with the PSHE association that Breck's case portrays an extreme example that may cause many children to think that what is happening to them isn't that serious. Many children are abused and groomed in much subtler more insidious ways and to me it makes more sense to talk about how someone might seem to be your friend but start to damage your self esteem or ask you to send pictures. Extreme cases like this are hard for a child to relate to - they end up being more like a movie than coming across as something that could happen to them.

RantyAnty · 05/02/2020 15:31

I don't think it does children any favours to shelter them.

Parents and school need to make them aware of the dangers.

Here is an article of a mother who pretended to be an 11 year old girl online and it took no time at all for the vile male predators to come out.

I'm a 37 year old mom

Winterwoollies · 05/02/2020 15:31

Kids need to know how to not be exploited online. Depressing but true. I’m sorry but you can’t bury yours and their heads in the sand. Don’t be silly.

If it’s slightly shocking, good. It might stay with them more.

doritosdip · 05/02/2020 15:32

Did your son ever have the NSPCC visit at primary? My kids picked up on the idea of adults doing horrible things to kids when they discussed stuff like PANTS and school regularly taught them about Internet safety so they were well aware not to give details that could lead a stranger to find them in real life.

AnotherMonthAnotherName · 05/02/2020 15:34

Have you seen the video? Ask the school for the name of it and see if it is on YouTube.

Better upset children than hurt ones, IMO. This kind of horrible shit happens daily.

LettertoHermoine · 05/02/2020 15:34

No, it's necessary. I would rather have my kid shocked and savvy to the dangers than blissfully unaware and vulnerable to online predators. Forearmed is forewarned and if a child can recognise danger and know the red flags by watching films like that, I am all for it.

AnotherMonthAnotherName · 05/02/2020 15:35

Meant to add- although the school could have sent a letter home. They don't know 100% if any of the children have personal experience of this that may cause further trauma, and they should have prepared parents for questions.

EvaHarknessRose · 05/02/2020 15:35

My year 7 was given IT/online safety homework to look up and bring in a news story about grooming. That wasn't a search term I wanted her to use so I said I would identify some news stories for her to select one. The Google results were grim reading and coincidentally were mostly about teachers being convicted for sexual offences which must have been a fun lesson for the IT teacher Hmm

doritosdip · 05/02/2020 15:35

Has your son ever had a lockdown drill at school? This also helps drive home the stay safe message.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/02/2020 15:39

It needs to be shocking, it IS shocking. It doesn't matter that the girl was upset, being upset is better than not knowing and getting into a situation where she's groomed and in danger. As a pp said, if they're old enough to go on line they're old enough to know the dangers.

fpurplea · 05/02/2020 15:40

I'm just going by what the OP said. I agree, talking about it is different from a reconstruction, which is what I inferred from the OP's post, although having re-read it that may have been my bad.

I've watched "Breck's Last Game" as posted by the police forces, etc. There is no mention of sexual abuse or stabbing in the video, unless I missed it? I certainly can't see anything that would have warranted a 15 rating? So is there another video? Groomed By Gaming does talk about those specifics. Or were these topics brought up in discussions around the video? I stand by my original post. Talking about it is fine, although would have been outside my comfort zone as an 11 year old. Showing the violence is not.

PerfectParrot · 05/02/2020 15:47

I'm not a fan of using that particular video, for the exact reasons the PSHE associate cite. It is, essentially, a "scare tactic" and they are ineffective with street-wise teenagers and simply upset the more sensitive ones.

Much like if drugs education was simply telling them drugs are bad because you will overdose or become a junkie. The reality is that, while they are risks, they are not particularly likely to happen - and in any given class there will be students who know people who had the "best possible" outcome. If you focus too much on the "worst case" scenarios you simply lose credibility.