Is this too explicit for Year 7, 11 years old

[Sarah510]

So, my ds is doing some stuff on online grooming at school. Apparently they were shown a video, where a boy made friends with a stranger online, and then got tricked into meeting him, and the man sexually abused him (this wasn't actually shown in the film, it was explained in a voice-over, just that the boy was "sexually abused") and then the boy was murdered by being stabbed in the neck.

One of the girls in the class was so upset she had to leave the classroom.

Now they have to do a 'play' about it in groups. DS has a lot of questions about sexual abuse - and I've answered them, but am I too 'old-fashioned' to think this is a bit too explicit for 11 year olds. He is constantly worrying now about strangers, and would they stab him in the neck and if he was sexually abused what would they do to him. I answered as simply as I can, that it's when grown ups want to do sexual things with children. He wanted more info, so I had to go into more detail. I've always said to him to be careful online and monitor him very closely and he has a couple of friends that he plays games with sometimes, but he doesn't have a phone and just plays on our ipad or simple stuff like that. I know he's in secondary now, but is it a bit much or is it normal...

I agree with the PSHE association that Breck's case portrays an extreme example that may cause many children to think that what is happening to them isn't that serious. Many children are abused and groomed in much subtler more insidious ways and to me it makes more sense to talk about how someone might seem to be your friend but start to damage your self esteem or ask you to send pictures. Extreme cases like this are hard for a child to relate to..

I don't know what resources come with the Breck video but I have heard his mum speak. It started subtle 'yeah parents don't understand but I do'....'mum taken your phone I'll lend you my spare' etc.

It's dreadful that we need to tell our children these things happen when they are so young but to not do so puts them at risk.

I’ve just googled it and it has an age rating of 15, so YANBU

I'm not familiar with how this subject is taught as my children are young but I think it's important to look at why children get drawn into talking to an older person - what is the attraction of it? It's important to address the fact that children do engage with abusers and they may feel shame or embarrassment about doing that, especially if they've had dire warnings about it. The absolutely key thing is that children feel they can go to a trusted adult if they're not sure - abuse thrives in silence.

You are being ridiculous. 11 yo need to know exactly the dangers they face - a lot of them far too cavalier about their social media settings / meeting men online.

I think that maybe the school should have got parent's permission first but at the same time, I think its good they are trying to drill internet safety into students while they are young. So when they do start going onto chat forums they are armed with plenty of information and knowledge.

I agree with the PSHE association and don't think it's appropriate. It's my understanding that victim focused organisations are pushing for a move away from extreme shock tactics to teach about abuse and grooming, for a number of reasons.

The teachers don't know the background of the DCs in their class and don't know if this will be triggering for them.Extreme examples can dissuade DCs from coming forward and stop them recognising lesser examples as abuse, etc.

It's interesting PPs mentioned the PSAs about train lines, etc. We really should have moved on from the shock tactics of the 1980s and that's what victim focused organisations are calling for.

Why are they not old enough to be shown this material, this grooming and abuse is happening to children at their age they need to know how to see it as grooming and know it is wrong. They need to know where to find help. We need to protect our children and by making them aware by showing them real stories.
Yes it is harrowing, but even more so to the child who is currently being groomed and later abused. It is too late for what ifs for some children but i might help some speak up and get help. It also might prevent a child being groomed.

If this is ‘Breck’s Last Game’ then current advice to schools is to no longer use it. This article explains the reasons behind this advice: www.pshe-association.org.uk/news/warning-against-using-breck’s-last-game

As a HoY I wouldn’t ever have used this with Y7 anyway. It’s traumatising. Y9 and above only.

chibs iirc there isn't any valuable research or statistics to show that this video (or any other shock tactic adverts/training materials) have that desired effect.

Breck was 14 when he was murdered. Who knows maybe if he’d seen something like this when he was younger he might have been more alert to the dangers of the boy he was in touch with.

(Realise I have cross posed with a number of others. Next time I will RTFT! )

My ds is the same age and they have had similar chats at school and viewed videos

Children need to know they nearly all have mobile phone and most are savvy enough to know how to switch off parental controls

I also work with sex offenders - I know the lengths they will go to to gain contact with children

I don’t know anything about the actual video in question but I don’t shy away from making sure my kids are aware of the devastating consequences of meeting people online.
There was a new article of a girl who was found dead in a hedge after going to meet someone from online. I discussed that with the kids as an example of what could happen in the same way that I would talk about drugs or cars or all the other things to be careful around.

In these days, the way things are going the kids should know what dangers are around.
In the country I grew up (many years ago) sex was a tabu subject, first time someone would talk to you about it would have been in biology lessons / anatomy, when we were 14-15 and it was about reproduction. Paedophiles "didn't exist".
I was very very lucky that I didn't listen to a man trying to sugar-talk me into going with him, I ran home and never told a word to anybody about that. I was 10 and not far from home. in my memory I can still see the place where he spoke with me and I remember that my mum was doing the laundry and I was just walking around the estate looking for my friends to play

The problem with saying they are too young for it, which I agree, they are, is that they are old enough to be targets of it. There needs to be a way of teaching them about it to protect them from being a victim of it, which isn't itself harmful.

Out of 200 year 7 children in a leafy suburban secondary, so far this year:
3 groomed online by different individuals, parents were aware of the individuals and 2 had chatted to them online thinking they were friends of their children.
at least 3 separate occasions of year 7 sending inappropriate images via phones and social media - who knows how many people have those images now?
3 instances of online bullying
countless instances of friends falling out
4 instances of students accessing inappropriate material, 3 of which were passed to others
1 instance of alcohol/ drug misuse fuelled by social media
12 referrals to school counsellor/ CAMHs for anxiety/ conditions linked to social media/ online activity including gender dysmorphia, anorexia and suicidal thought
4 videos of year 7 students committing crimes/anti social behaviour from singing racist/ homophobic chants to videoing rudeness to passers by
None of the online access was during school time, but these came to our attention to deal with, there were probably more. Interestingly the keeping safe on the internet evening was attended by only 18 year 7 parents.
Year 7 need to know exactly what might happen, and how to stay safe online. In my experience parents are often oblivious to exactly how much their children do see and discuss things that they shouldn't be accessing online.

It sounds like it was too extreme for 11 year olds. There are ways of warning them about this stuff without scaring the hell out of them :(

Oh gosh.

I think its vital kids are taught about this. I haven't seen the video I would however agree with a pp about the possibility that focussing on only the worse case scenario might lead kids to feel anything else isnt so bad. In these situation what happened to that poor boy is a result of what happened before it got to that point as much as what happend when they met.

Trouble is these people are very good at what they do and do it all before you notice.

Not sure what the answer is really

The play thing after is too much though. That's asking kids to re enact what may have already happened to them in an environment where theres not necessarily someone equipped to help them

I’ll be honest, that does sound a bit explicit. I’ve no problem with children being taught how to stay safe but there are less disturbing ways of doing it. Having a police officer of survivor come in to talk to them for example. The play thing is wrong in my opinion.

YANBU, sadly it is important that they are taught about potential dangers online as they are very real. However it seems the video shown wasn't appropriate, especially with creating plays around it. There are plenty of suitable resources out there.

Absolutely you are being unreasonable. It sounds a lot like the Breck Bednar case - a 14 year old boy who was groomed and murdered by someone he met playing online games.
He had been groomed for a long time before they met and was likely 11 or 12 when it started.
Parents seem to think their children are too delicate to hear what might happen yet have absolutely no supervision of their childrens online activities.

If it is the Breck story its very sad but gives a very important message that grooming can happen to boys as well as girls and grooming doesn't have to involve anything sexual necessarily. The grooming in this case was all about how great Breck was at different games and lies to distance him first from his friends and second from his parents.

If anything secondary school is too old to start lessons on internet safety - so many parents give children phones and let them have snapchat and instagram long before they legally should, and the parents don't check the phone or have parental controls on the PC at home. So many children have computers in their bedrooms and no restriction on phone use.
Yes its a tragic story, yes it provokes difficult conversations but yes it is absolutely critical that children are taught about what can happen if they are not careful.

I’d be fucking livid if one of my kids were exposed to that in school. I’d make a formal complaint against that teacher and I’d withdraw your child from any other video footage shown at school at all. Explain to your child that this video was wrong and that the teacher should not have shown if you them. Jeezus if they are showing them stuff like that what else are they saying or doing that’s massively inappropriate ?? teacher clearly has not got a fucking clue what’s safe for children to witness! What a weirdo!

Year 7 need to know exactly what might happen, and how to stay safe online.

Scare tactics don't teach them how to keep safe.

Drugs education in this country has moved on loads since trying to use "worst case scenarios" to stop kids using drugs. We moved on because the scare tactics largely didn't work. Why the hell are we repeating the same mistakes with online safety education?

What the hell has happened to that country? You can get arrested and jailed for saying something that offends someone yet teachers are allowed to show this shit to 11 year olds!!!

I think 11 is not too young to be taught about grooming through rape and murder for both boys and girls. I think the school should however send a letter home forewarning parents so that they can prepare their children before the material and be prepared to deal with questions afterwards. Parents should be willing to explain exactly what sexual abuse is, the probabilities/risks and the warning flags to look out for.

I have a friend who was pimped out by her own grandmother when she was 11. By age 13 she’d been raped hundreds of times as a child prostitute and was pregnant. Her baby was taken away and adopted out. She’s had the worst start on life you can imagine.