Is this too explicit for Year 7, 11 years old

[Sarah510]

So, my ds is doing some stuff on online grooming at school. Apparently they were shown a video, where a boy made friends with a stranger online, and then got tricked into meeting him, and the man sexually abused him (this wasn't actually shown in the film, it was explained in a voice-over, just that the boy was "sexually abused") and then the boy was murdered by being stabbed in the neck.

One of the girls in the class was so upset she had to leave the classroom.

Now they have to do a 'play' about it in groups. DS has a lot of questions about sexual abuse - and I've answered them, but am I too 'old-fashioned' to think this is a bit too explicit for 11 year olds. He is constantly worrying now about strangers, and would they stab him in the neck and if he was sexually abused what would they do to him. I answered as simply as I can, that it's when grown ups want to do sexual things with children. He wanted more info, so I had to go into more detail. I've always said to him to be careful online and monitor him very closely and he has a couple of friends that he plays games with sometimes, but he doesn't have a phone and just plays on our ipad or simple stuff like that. I know he's in secondary now, but is it a bit much or is it normal...

The public information films many of us saw in the 70’s and 80’s were far more graphic and for many the scare tactics did work for others they didn’t

Every child that has access to the internet and has their own phone absolutely needs to be aware of how they can so easily be groomed and what can happen.

I can not stress enough how these people (mainly men) will try everything they can to contact children - They work on a completely different level (work with sex offenders) and are so often one step ahead because of this.

The video s plays to kids that age across the country. HOWEVER Beng made to do a play on it is very weird indeed and would open up a can of worms, especially to kids who actually have suffered abuse!!! I would complain about that for sure.

Seeing as this happens to childre, even if parents think they are being safe, YABU. Maybe look up how many children are groomed online and then be happy schools are trying to help children make good choices.

Actually @BackToBackTheyFaced has a really good link, and it discusses the ways in which children who have already been abused could be retraumatised by such a film - and that kids may write off their own online experiences because they aren't as bad as that.

This is chilling.

your controls/child's lack of phone is only as protective as the child in their friendship group with a phone and the least oversight/parental control settings.

Wow, I am truly pleased to read so many educated and engaged parental responses.

Not sure why I haven’t hung out here earlier. I am speaking at a conference today for the new RSE curriculum coming in September, looking forward to that as these are much needed life lessons!
Most of these responses are very insightful and informed. I wish wholeheartedly my children’s schools had taught about grooming and exploitation so that they and their friends had been able to recognise the signs and report. I believe Breck would be here now if I had heard me speak or we had viewed engaging resources. Schools should always be aware of their pupils sensitivities and cater to different needs and vulnerabilities without removing the learning from others. I campaigned With PSHE Association to make these ‘Life Lessons’ as statutory and we were successful at Downing Street together. I still find it shocking and hurtful to our collective work that they publicly damned this resource when they were included in the original consultations of over 200 safeguarding professionals and young people.
Parents want their children to be healthy, happy and safe, and to do that we need to educate in an age-appropriate and engaging way.

Police were over-protective in requesting the 15 age rating, they commissioned this hard-hitting resource for prevention because they know too well how dangerous online predators are. Breck was dead by 15. Most people who work in this arena or know the nature of this crime, or are aware of what children actually access online think children should Not wait until 15 to learn these important lessons about grooming in all its forms. There are also free lesson plans available which were created with us by Surrey County Council. It is hard-hitting. I hate the thought of lost innocence. Breck Foundation strive to educate and empower young people to keep safer online by making better choices for themselves. They need to know and believe what they may be approached with to have the digital resilience to navigate their online world more safely. Real-life stories enable the learning. Rules alone do not.
Thanks for all the support and follow us on FB. happy parenting!!!! www.breckfoundation.org

Agree friendship groups are so important. I went to other parents to work together on the concerns I had with the gaming group, but sadly some parents were not interested in working together, we teach that keeping safe online is a community effort.

We do teach that whilst Breck’s story may be an extreme example, grooming does happen across all platforms and for various intended outcomes, so young people need to be aware and look out for each other.

Our verbatim play Game Over is hard-hitting and very engaging. Secondary Schools perform this and the pupils choose to audition. The casts have been really amazing, and very proactive in educating their peers.

Hi mumofbreck

It's very nice to see you here.

Can I just say thankyou for all the incredible but for you very hard work (due to the circumstances that caused you to start) you are doing for the children that come next.

I am doing my own work Mostly around childhood sexual abuse and adult survivors of csa so that the next me's and brecks and others of the world live in a safer but also more open world where they instinctively know where to go if something off begins but also recognise situations hopefully earlier.

I know nothing will change what happened I can't comprehend what you have been through and I don't have the words to express to you my empathy but just thankyou, you are changing things for those that come next.

With social media growing the way it is and our children’s access to more and more modern technology I want this drummed into them. I will be teaching my child about the dangers even if the school doesn’t, but I would hope they’d reinforce it. YABU.

www.victimfocus.org.uk/campaigns

YANBU in my opinion.

@MumofBreck

Thank you very much for posting here. My heart goes out to you - I’m awed by your bravery and fortitude - for taking an unimaginable tragedy and trying to use it to help prevent similar tragedies in future.

I don’t usually respond on social media platforms, however I’m completely horrified by some of these responses. In particular, the stance STILL being taken by charities, despite a plethora of evidence that shows these films DO NOT reduce sexual abuse AND re-traumatise child victims who are made to watch them.

At 14/15 I was made to create a dramatised scene, of an abused child interacting with a therapist. The thing is, I had been raped as a child. I froze. I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t move or speak. I was given the role of victim. I sat there, frozen and dying inside. I was told I wasn’t trying hard enough, and made to watch better ‘acting’. Other children acting out that they’d been abused. I went home, self harmed and told no one.

Did anyone notice? No. Did it result in a disclosure? No. Was I ashamed? Yes. Did I blame myself? Yes.

If one of these charities can provide evidence they work, I may change my mind. Until then, my own children will not be watching them. Teaching consent is not about making children watch explicit material - this is in fact a type of abuse itself.

I’d urge everyone to read the campaign by Jessica Taylor of victim focus, who makes this point better than me. www.victimfocus.org.uk/campaigns

MumofBreck, thank you for posting and for opening up so frankly about your family's devastating experience. I have previously watched an interview with you and just wanted to let you know that you have absolutely had an impact on how we manage our children being online. Breck has remained in our mind.

@Beebie26 I’m sorry to hear of your experience.

Your experience relates specifically to asking children to role play around sexual abuse when they may be victims, which I’m aware is part of the procedure, but is a separate issue to the film itself.

I think it is problematic for the reasons you give - it’s equally problematic for adults who have experienced abuse. Any discussion around abuse needs to be treated very carefully by those in charge for that reason.

However the film itself is a separate matter. Unfortunately sad as it is, I think 11 year olds do need to understand what sex offences are, what sexual abuse is, and why chatting online can in potentially be fatal. It’s not as if Breck is the only example.

I did a year of mandatory “self defence” classes in my first year at secondary school. We covered what to do if someone tries to rape you. Nowadays it would undoubtedly cover online safety too.

30% of rape victims are under 16, 25% are under 14, 10% are under 9 years. Rape victims of both genders are most likely to be between 15 and 19. 50% of female victims of sex offences such as sexual assault, grooming and exploitation were under 16.

@MumofBreck

🌷im so sorry for what you have been through & are still going through.

I’m stealing what @tatiana posted earlier as she said it so well

Thank you very much for posting here. My heart goes out to you - I’m awed by your bravery and fortitude - for taking an unimaginable tragedy and trying to use it to help prevent similar tragedies in future

The people who think children shouldn’t be told or shown educational films make me wonder what it’ll take to get through to them if you can’t. It’s scary that they feel denial will keep their children safe & ‘innocent’ when that’s so far from the truth.

Thank you for all you do to help make our children safer x

Hi @TatianaLarina

If you read the original post, it states the children will be doing ‘a play in groups’ in relation to it.

I’m very familiar with the stats. I am one.

If you read the Dr Jessica Taylor campaign, you can see the evidence that these films don’t work.

We need a new way forward. Numbers are rising and we continue with educational content that has been proven to do more harm than good. Please read the campaign and the extensive evidence and research that she provides.

I’m now in my 30s. I can’t watch these films due to my experience. I had to watch one in safeguarding training a few years back. I vomited afterwards and had nightmares and flashbacks. Now imagine a child, recently raped, and think how they may feel in a room of 30-60 other kids - watching a film, and being taught what they ‘should have done’.

We live in a society where the CPS don’t take cases to trial, because the victim “didn’t bother” to say no, or fight the attacker off, because they know they’ll get eaten alive by the defence, and the jury will find the attacker not guilty.

This video by Rape Crisis Scotland shows an example, of how it can feel when you’re assaulted, and why many victims freeze.

www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/i-just-froze/

Teaching self defence and showing kids videos of explicit content does not work. If it did I’d be all for it. If it worked, sexual violence stats would be falling. They’re not falling despite this being a strategy for more than a decade.

I've seen 'kayleigh's love story', it was shown in school and two police officers came to talk to the children.

Those under 15 had to have parental permission to view it.

The only problem with it from what I remember was that they used the word, 'rape' and I'm not sure an 11 year old understands that term.

I've used a film with year 7 where it is another child they are talking to. One bets the other they won't run round the room naked. Of course the other child films it.

It focuses more on the embarrassment factor.

I don't think the play acting is a good idea. You need the experts from CEOP not a drama teacher and making a drama / role play.

Also would a year 7 child be asked to role play a consensual sexual encounter? I very much doubt it. So why is it OK for a non consensual encounter? What are they teaching about consent if all children have to take part?

@AmelieTaylor

People who are against these films are not all in denial.

If you read this campaign by Dr Jessica Taylor www.victimfocus.org.uk/campaigns you’ll see extensive evidence about the harm they do, and statistics demonstrating that they’re not reducing sexual violence against children. Some authorities have looked at the evidence, and banned their use.

Professionals like Dr Jessica Taylor are working tirelessly to find other ways to better safeguard children against CSE and CSA. It’s not denial, it’s about finding something that works, and the statistics suggest we’re not there yet

If you read the original post, it states the children will be doing ‘a play in groups’ in relation to it.

I read the OP thanks very much. If you read my post carefully you will see I separated the play aspect, where I agree with you, from the film aspect where I don’t. I said that I was aware that the play “is part of the procedure”.

If you’re really arguing that no films educating children on sexual abuse should be shown then I can’t agree. I agree that for abuse victims it highly problematic and I think necessitates discussion and care. But it’s nigh impossible to quantify how many children have been able to avoid abuse from awareness training.

I know exactly how rape victims act when someone attacks them as it happened to me. I cannot agree that self defence training does not work - indeed it addresses the freeze response. I used mine to fight off and escape, altho it was partly luck. I am extremely grateful for it and ensured my children did similar.

It is hugely important to educate them about this. The video is 99% certain to be about Breck. If I could show it to my year 6 class I would. They all have age inappropriate internet and social media access and it is a HUGE issue. Better one parent be peed off and 30 kids made safer imo. I spend a great deal.of non-teaching time in school dealing with social media issues and 90% of the time parents are completely unaware of what their kids are up to until I ring them.

My own kids phones and media are locked down with apps that mean I can see what they are doing. Plus I speak to them about this and have told them about recent cases and issues. This sort of thing isn't going away. I see year 4 kids with phones fgs - if people are going to give children access to this media, they need to be equipped.

i just urge you to look at the evidence that they don’t work. www.victimfocus.org.uk/campaigns

I don’t think we should let children watch explicit content. I don’t think it’s good enough to say, we don’t know who the kids are, so they’ll have to be re-traumatised for the greater good. As a survivor, you’ll know, rape lives with you forever. Re-traumatising children isn’t good enough. There must be other ways. Actually prosecuting rapists and teaching rapists not to rape would be a start.

I have no issue with teaching children consent. There are so many ways however, to teach this, without the use of explicit content.

I think we need to find better ways. As a fellow survivor, don’t you agree, that if something isn’t working, and is traumatising child victims, we need a different way?

At the moment we’re not reducing sexual violence against children, and conviction rates are horrific.

We live in a society where prosecution doesn’t happen because the victim “didn’t fight back” “didn’t say no” “wore the wrong knickers”. That is where I’m coming from, when I say I don’t like the idea of teaching self defence classes specifically against rape. They feed the idea that it’s the victim’s responsibility. (I’m not saying you think this, but society, in many ways, does)

And @phlebasconsidered please read www.victimfocus.org.uk/campaigns

I’m horrified you’d want to show 11 year olds content with a 15 rating. If a child came to school telling you they’d seen a 15 movie, with explicit sexual content, it would be a safeguarding concern.

At least they’ll remember the lesson

Beebie, I think some people have no idea what some areas are like. In my area 11 year olds are all tooled up media-wise, out till 9 - 10pm unsupervised and often in pretty awful social and economic situations. When I taught in leafy suburbs I might have thought twice about it, but where I am now? No. I have 11 year olds whose siblings are running for county lines, who are at massive risk of being exploited for many reasons. So yes, they need to know. I might downgrade the film slightly, but yes, they do absolutely need a wake up call and a shock. I want them safe.

Also I am very much aware of legislation - I currently use CEOPS films. But my point is that they need to put a message across very much sooner than they are currently allowed to. I can only show U rated clips in my primary classroom. They are not hard hitting. I'm speaking as a teacher who regularly deals with very uncomfortable issues to do with social media. The current model is not fitfor purpose in many areas.

I grew up in one of those areas. No kids deserve to be re-traumatised by explicit content, even if they do grow up in a deprived area. As an aside though, those leafy suburb kids are just as much at risk!! If not more, due to the attitude that their economic circumstances exempt them from being abused.

Please though, just read the evidence that the films DO NOT reduce sexual violence against children. www.victimfocus.org.uk/campaigns

I’m not saying we shouldn’t safeguard children. I’m not saying we shouldn’t teach consent. I’m not saying that it shouldn’t be a topic for conversation and part of the RSE curriculum. I’m saying, we shouldn’t use videos with explicit content with children, when there is a huge amount of evidence to suggest they cause more harm than good.