To think the use of prostitutes just isn't that big a deal?

[Hihothedairyo]

Now here me out first, I do not mean married men who use prostitutes without the knowledge/consent of their wives/partners. Those are scum, I have been cheated on in that way before so believe me when I say I do not agree with that.

However, I've seen and heard a lot of people (including friends of mine) who believe that men in general who use prostitutes are scum.

Personally, I think that, provided you are sure the person you are having sex with is not being trafficked, then you are really just two consenting adults having sex. Yes there is money exchanged, but nobody is forcing the sex worker to do this job (in this scenario, I know that DOES happen).

Should a person who's say, 30 years old and still a virgin, and now feels their too old and too inexperienced to go out and find a woman to have sex with them, not be able to use a service that a woman is willingly providing? What about someone with some form of disability that wants sex but doesn't have the confidence or whatever to get it normally?

I've got a good friend who lost his virginity to a prostitute, and has visited them a few other times also. He's in a happy relationship now and does not use them and never has while in any relationship. I don't feel that him having used them was wrong, but he is not open about having used them at all and I'm pretty sure his partner doesn't know that he ever has.

I just feel there is far too much judgement and hate towards people who are, in reality, just doing something that has been done since time began. And I see no wrong in it, I imagine I'm in the minority here though.

@LittleSweet if you became disabled to the extent that you felt no one would choose to have sex with you, would you pay someone to have sex with you?

TheDailyCarbuncle I pretty much answered that question already

right...i am a woman who was a 'prostitute' for aroubd 6 months.
i walked the streets in the middle of winter, because i was a drug addict and especially wanted crack.
now, the guys i saw, some were perfect gentlemen..for the most part, just regular guys, except once i was robbed and left in a car park and i suppose youre not a good guy if your cheating on your wife.
one guy wanted a hand job because his wife was terminally ill and he didnt want to be pestering her for sex, he was loving to her in all other ways so it really depends how you want to see it...
ps. i dont do it anymore!!

Sorry I missed that reply. So prostitution isn't good enough for your daughter, but it's fine for other people's daughters, is that it? What makes those women different from your family?

I know one woman who is a prostitute - she’s very open about it (she lives in my street actually!) and she does it because she says she loves sex, can pick and choose who she has sex with and it’s very easy money, and she makes good money. I’d imagine women like her are exceptionally rare though.
Also unfortunately she’s not very well regarded in the community, particular in terms of self respect despite her protestations that’s she’s content (people always seem to think they know how a woman in a certain situation must feel of course 🙄 but they don’t) but I don’t hear much grumbling about all of the mucky men who visit her, and their respect, for themselves or women. Double standards.

She can do what she wants as far as I’m concerned, and she’s the only one who ever organises a litter pick round here!

I find it absurd when people say that it's no big deal because some women actually choose prostitution and are happy about it. So we should legislate to protect the choices of the least vulnerable prostitutes at the expense of the most vulnerable?

One of the arguments against the slave trade was that some slaves were very happy in their positions, and their place in life was more comfortable than they could hope for outside of the slave trade. So should we have kept slavery because of those few people inside who who benefited from it?

The issue about people with disabilities paying for sexual services is interesting. Here's the Wikipedia entry for Tuppy Owens who has been a campaigner around sex and disability for ages. Personally I don't agree that there is a "right" to have sex with another person.

Losing your virginity to a prostitute is just fucking sad, frankly. I think there’s an issue with society if someone feels the need to lose their virginity so desperately they’d pay someone for it.

You are definitely in a minority. I would view any man who had paid a woman to use her body very dimly indeed.

In every single matriarchal society studied across the world, no form of prostitution whatsoever exsists.

I feel like some won't get sex without paying for it.

That's genuinely very sad, but lack of sex will not kill you and it still doesn't justify renting another body - especially when the person that body belongs to is involved in a trade which markedly increases their chances of being murdered.

Interestingly, the 'what about the poor disabled people' argument only ever seems to crop up from the perspective of disabled men 'needing' to have sex with a woman. People usually seem less bothered about whether disabled women get to lose their virginity or not (and no, I am not advocating male prostitutes for them). Another strand of that belief that men are 'entitled' to sex in a way that women aren't, perhaps?

YABU I couldn’t go near any man that I knew had used a prostitute.

Nobody has a right to sex, it is something that should only happen between consenting adults and if you have to pay someone in order for them to have sex with you that is not real consent is it? They are doing it because they need the cash. I can’t get my head around having sex with someone when you know they don’t really want to do it.

TheDailyCarbuncle since when do I have any control over what other peoples daughters choose to do with their bodies? I don't even have control over what my own daughter chooses to do, I would just hope that she wouldn't. I never once said that being a bloody prostitute was a great idea.

If you want a genuine insight it's best to listen to what actual sex workers say, and unfortunately in my experience a lot of people on here who have very strong opinions are simply not interested in what we say.

I am willing to listen to your insights fairylightsaremycrack If you (or anyone else) have a different experience to talk about and feel that it is representative of sex workers, I am interested to hear it.

I think we need an "I am a prostitute ask me anything" thread.

There was one last year I think, I remember reading it.

Always scum. HTH.

A "bloody" prostitute now.

Your language surrounding this whole thing is disgusting.

Are you actually taking any of the comments in, particularly with regards to choice and consent?

*Prostitution survivor here (mid to late 1990s).

It’s fucking grim and the vast majority of women involved are survivors of childhood sexual assault or are groomed into it by abusive partners or the industry itself.

You are being very naive, rather than unreasonable.*

^This. Because for SA survivors (I am one), sex is something that happens to them rather than something they can choose to have or not. Abuse is all they know, so of course they don't get how degrading prostitution is.

And yes, they probably will say that they chose to be prostitutes.

A lot of these women will have become hooked on drugs as a way to cope with the pain of their past lives. (I've had a long-term issue with alcohol.)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/AMA/3760635-I-am-currently-a-prostitute-AMA

Here’s the ‘I’m a prostitute ask me anything’ thread from last year.

There's loads of ama threads on prostitution, I saw one a few weeks ago

I would never knowingly sleep with (or even be friends with) a man who had used a prostituted woman. Beyond grim.

I never said anything about control @Hihothedairyo. You said that using prostitutes isn't a big deal. You also said you wouldn't want your own daughter to be a prostitute. But if men 'use' prostitutes, then some women have to be prostitutes. Which made me ask the question, if your daughter isn't going to be that prostitute, who is? And if it's not good enough for your daughter, who is it good enough for?

What are the other options if prostitution isn’t the last one?

I honestly have such little respect for any person of uses a prostitute or is indeed a prostitute.

How would any of you feel if your DD said to you 'Mum, when I go up I was to be a sex worker?'. Like wtaf!!

There should be no reason for someone to pay for sex. Yes you might be busy and have no time to date but there are plenty of apps which hook like minded people up who want no strings attached sex.

I just can't possibly understand how a women would want to be a sex worker as a job. You can earn more money having a decent career. You wouldn't run the risk of getting an STI, even condoms don't protect against all STIs. You say you can pick and choose who you sleep with but what happens if you reject someone and they turn aggressive.

Also it's highly unlikely the sex is going to be satisfying. These people paying for sex are clearly selfish and are only interested in their own sexual needs.

I could go on and on about this topic but all I know is it's wrong on every level.

You are being massively unreasonable.

Watch Louis Theroux’s recent documentary on sex workers.

Your premise is flawed - what did you start with - providing the women have not been trafficked or abused - something like that - newsflash: women in prostitution HAVE BEEN ABUSED. It is a resounding and horrific fact that women in this business have not had a lovely life that led them to this point and choice.

The men using them don’t give a shit.

How can you be so naive?

What are the other options if prostitution isn’t the last one?

Are you having a laugh? Unless someone is forcing you to prostitute yourself, you are choosing to do it, regardless of your circumstances. 'having sex with random men for money was my only option' is bullshit. I can respect the decision to do it if you choose to, but it IS a choice.