Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the use of prostitutes just isn't that big a deal?

665 replies

Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 11:40

Now here me out first, I do not mean married men who use prostitutes without the knowledge/consent of their wives/partners. Those are scum, I have been cheated on in that way before so believe me when I say I do not agree with that.

However, I've seen and heard a lot of people (including friends of mine) who believe that men in general who use prostitutes are scum.

Personally, I think that, provided you are sure the person you are having sex with is not being trafficked, then you are really just two consenting adults having sex. Yes there is money exchanged, but nobody is forcing the sex worker to do this job (in this scenario, I know that DOES happen).

Should a person who's say, 30 years old and still a virgin, and now feels their too old and too inexperienced to go out and find a woman to have sex with them, not be able to use a service that a woman is willingly providing? What about someone with some form of disability that wants sex but doesn't have the confidence or whatever to get it normally?

I've got a good friend who lost his virginity to a prostitute, and has visited them a few other times also. He's in a happy relationship now and does not use them and never has while in any relationship. I don't feel that him having used them was wrong, but he is not open about having used them at all and I'm pretty sure his partner doesn't know that he ever has.

I just feel there is far too much judgement and hate towards people who are, in reality, just doing something that has been done since time began. And I see no wrong in it, I imagine I'm in the minority here though.

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 05/02/2020 13:20

YABU in a way. If nothing else, It's skanky of the men.

if I found a date or partner had used prostitutes, I'd find that a bit sleazy. It'd put me off him.

Wakaranaihito · 05/02/2020 13:20

@DuLANGMondeFOREVER Agree 100% !!! If only the people pushing for decriminalisation would put as much time, money and energy in help for women trying to exit prostitution and for counselling and help for those so badly abused and damaged by it.

I think I read that worldwide the average age a girl is first sold for sex is 14. The whole industry is dirty money made on the rape and abuse of women and girls globally.

BIWI · 05/02/2020 13:20

Why did you start this thread @Hihothedairyo? A genuine question. Are you considering prostitution yourself, for some reason?

everydaypilates · 05/02/2020 13:28

Payment for sex is coercion

Why is this not recognized and why is it still legal in this country in this age?

SpokeTooSoon · 05/02/2020 13:33

It feeds rape culture and the belief that too many men hold that they have a right to sex whenever and however they want it, so long as they have the cash to rent a body

Agreed. I’d extend this to surrogacy as well, but that’s a whole other thread. (I’ll believe surrogacy is also an empowering, altruistic act when I see rich, white women doing it for poor, minority women)

ALHanes2 · 05/02/2020 13:35

This is a naive view of the sex industry. “Consenting” adults not pressured by poverty or abuse rarely go into this kind of work. How many prostitutes do you know?

justasking111 · 05/02/2020 13:37

I think we need an "I am a prostitute ask me anything" thread.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 05/02/2020 13:37

You are very very naive. Some women have, or feel they have no other option. Men who use them have really not thought this through and I would have zero respct for them. You perhaps have had a sheltered life. Reality is a bit sordid

TheDailyCarbuncle · 05/02/2020 13:37

I do wonder about the mental gymnastics that go on around prostitution, not from men, because their motivation is obvious, but from women. I mean, most women accept that, say, going for a smear is pretty unpleasant and a lot of women would rather avoid it and risk cancer because they can't face it. Even if you yourself find a smear ok, it's easy to see why other women are so put off by it - it's embarrassing, potentially painful, potentially triggering if you've been assaulted. Bear in mind that this is a situation in which a trained professional is gently inserting a sterile, safe medical device into your vagina for less than a minute to carry out a test for your own benefit. And yet, some women will argue, in all seriousness, that there are some women who are totally fine with a man they know nothing about, putting his penis in her with an unknown amount of force, for an unknown amount of time for his own pleasure. He may be kind and gentle or rough and horrible, he may have disease, he may be a woman-hating psychopath, who knows? But, argue those women, that's absolutely fine, just a job. It just doesn't make sense.

NYCDreaming · 05/02/2020 13:41

Men don't have a right to sex! I hate the disability argument. Plenty of disabled people are able to find loving relationships despite their physical limitations. It's horrible to say that if a man can't find a consenting partner then one should be provided to him at a price Envy (not envy).

TheDarkPassenger · 05/02/2020 13:43

It wouldn’t bother me if my partner has used one before me

lilmisstoldyouso · 05/02/2020 13:44

Completely agree OP.

TheDailyCarbuncle · 05/02/2020 13:45

In a situation where one person is renting their body, the rights of the person providing the cash is totally irrelevant. The fact that anyone looks at situation in which a man is paying to use a woman's vagina and thinks about the man's rights or needs in that situation tells you all you need to know about how misogynisitic our society is. Men always always always manage to somehow be more important than women, even when they are renting a woman's genitals.

Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 13:48

BIWI no not at all, I don't have a need to and honestly would have no clue how to even if I did. I started it to see what other people's opinions on it were I suppose, a little bit to educate myself on it aswell.

I asked my DH before what he thought, and he said he thought it was disgusting and that, although he has friends who go to Amsterdam purely for the purpose of prostitutes, he thinks their disgusting for doing it. He found it very weird that I thought it was OK.

So I thought maybe I just don't understand it enough, which I sort of know that I don't because I don't personally know anyone who was or is a sex worker. I think maybe having a friend who I'm so close to and have known for so long be someone who has gone to prostitutes may have normalised it a bit for me. I'm glad I started it, I'm always open to having my opinions changed on things.

OP posts:
yabadabadontdoit · 05/02/2020 13:50

it wouldn’t bother me if my partner has used one before me

Shall I put that right for you?
“It wouldn’t bother me if my partner had decided him wanting sex at that time was more important than the woman who felt she had no choice but to let men pay to invade her vagina. Even if this was a sexually abused child, a trafficked woman or someone desperately trying to feed her kids by the only way she could.”

Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 13:50

TheDarkPassenger no I don't think it would bother me either, provided they were not doing it while with me.

OP posts:
TheDailyCarbuncle · 05/02/2020 13:51

@Hihothedairyo what would your response be if your adult daughter told you she planned to become a prostitute?

Mittens030869 · 05/02/2020 13:52

provided you are sure the person you are having sex with is not being trafficked

If she has been trafficked she's hardly going to tell one of the clients, is she? A lot about f trafficked women are in fear for their lives. And is a man visiting a prostitute going to be bothered about asking? No of course he isn't. Hmm

BlooperReel · 05/02/2020 13:53

Sex is not a right, not a requirement for a healthy life, men will not die without it.

Women's bodies are not commodities. It is not a safe 'industry', it never can be, physically or emotionally.

Sex work is not empowering, no matter how much internalised misogyny tells you it is.

DuLANGMondeFOREVER · 05/02/2020 13:56

i won’t even date men who use porn, let alone men who have bought sex.

But that’s where having been the saleable product lands you.

There were a couple of elderly men who I perhaps think less badly of (both of whom had completely given up hope of ever having a real relationship again) but on the whole, the men who buy sex are not the ones you want to be in a relationship with. Massive red flag. A whole fucking string of bunting’s worth.

FishCanFly · 05/02/2020 13:56

YABVU
but everybody else told you that already

LittleSweet · 05/02/2020 13:56

I agree that it's exploitation of in many cases of vulnerable people. But I don't know how I feel about disabled people paying for sex. I feel like some won't get sex without paying for it. I feel like they should be able to have sex. Is there a way of screening people to be sex therapists so it isn't vulnerable people being exploited? Like any other type of therapist?

crustycrab · 05/02/2020 13:57

"I don't have a need to and honestly would have no clue how to even if I did."

Do you realise the privilege this one statement gives you? You don't sound like you do at all.

As for not being bothered if your partner has paid a woman who doesn't want to let him put his body parts inside her but he's done it anyway. 🤮 Fuck me. Raise your standards

LittleSweet · 05/02/2020 13:57

I was thinking of men and women being exploited.

NameChange84 · 05/02/2020 13:59

@DuLANGMondeFOREVER I agree with you. I can’t be with a man who uses porn and someone who had bought sex would also raise too many red flags. I’d much rather be on my own than be with someone like that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread