To think the use of prostitutes just isn't that big a deal?

[Hihothedairyo]

Now here me out first, I do not mean married men who use prostitutes without the knowledge/consent of their wives/partners. Those are scum, I have been cheated on in that way before so believe me when I say I do not agree with that.

However, I've seen and heard a lot of people (including friends of mine) who believe that men in general who use prostitutes are scum.

Personally, I think that, provided you are sure the person you are having sex with is not being trafficked, then you are really just two consenting adults having sex. Yes there is money exchanged, but nobody is forcing the sex worker to do this job (in this scenario, I know that DOES happen).

Should a person who's say, 30 years old and still a virgin, and now feels their too old and too inexperienced to go out and find a woman to have sex with them, not be able to use a service that a woman is willingly providing? What about someone with some form of disability that wants sex but doesn't have the confidence or whatever to get it normally?

I've got a good friend who lost his virginity to a prostitute, and has visited them a few other times also. He's in a happy relationship now and does not use them and never has while in any relationship. I don't feel that him having used them was wrong, but he is not open about having used them at all and I'm pretty sure his partner doesn't know that he ever has.

I just feel there is far too much judgement and hate towards people who are, in reality, just doing something that has been done since time began. And I see no wrong in it, I imagine I'm in the minority here though.

Any man who rents the vagina of a woman who is extremely likely to have gone into this work due to drug dependency, childhood sexual abuse and/or other adverse early life experiences is abhorrent.

Its wrong to buy use of anyone's body. Man or woman.

If you think there's nothing wrong with it, I presume you would be absolutely fine with your daughter/sister/mother doing it? Or that you would do it yourself?

In a world where being asked to handle raw meat without proper hygiene is considered an unsafe working practice, I find it exceptionally odd that some people think it's perfectly fine for two strangers to have intimate bodily contact, with the potential for one of those people to be seriously hurt (physically or psychologically), made seriously ill or killed.

Even if you don't have the basic human empathy to see that a person paying another person to use their vagina is just entirely fucked up, surely you can see that that practice just isn't safe and that no matter what amount of money is exchanged, the risk isn't worth it?

But let's be honest...you're prob one of these men arent you...

Op i agree with you. Obviously it isn’t as cut and dried as that, there are always men who will abuse women and women who are in danger, but this isn’t always the case.
Out of interest, how many of those who disagree feel the same about other types of sex work (strippers, lap dancers, phone operators)?

Buying a woman to have sex with is disgusting and immoral.

Money doesn’t buy consent. It buys a service. That service does not imply consent. Consent has to be freely given.

it is never the only option.

And that is simply not true.

I watched a documentary a few years back about 5 or 6 women in this country who were prostitutes. All of them fell into prostitution after leaving prison. Most had grown up in care or in homes where they were abused and/or neglected. They’d left school with little to no qualifications and so the only work that was open to them was that which required little educational attainment, usually care work or cleaning. As soon as a DBS was sought or they were asked for references, it was found that they had criminal records. Most of them had children that they wanted to be reunited with but needed to be able to afford a home and to support them. All of these women were desperate to earn an honest wage and hoped that sex work was temporary but it was the only paid employment they could get. At the time, they were only getting Job Seekers Allowance but couldn’t get any other job. Two of them started jobs then were let go of whilst on probation once it became clear that they had been in prison or formerly used drugs. They were really trapped. The ones under 25 got a little more support from various government schemes but during this time they were expected to work full time for free whilst desperately trying to get their own kids out of foster care and a roof over their heads. The ones aged 30 to 40 had next to no support except each other.

So it’s really not as simple as “there is always another option”.

I understand some women's reasoning for doing it, however, it is never the only option.

For some women it is the only option. Chaotic lives, few or no qualifications, inability to navigate the increasingly complex benefits system, addiction, debt, a need for quick cash to keep financially afloat.

No woman ever wakes up and thinks "I know, I'll have sex with a load of men that I'm not at all physically attracted to in order to get myself some pocket money". They are there because they don't have an option.

Would you like to have sex with upwards of a dozen men every night? I guess you'd be fairly sore after the first three or four and probably numb by the time you get to number eight or nine. Some of those men will think that handing over cash gives them carte blanche to do what they like so you'll likely get a fair bit of "whoops, wrong hole!" after they claim they 'slipped'. You'll get a few who will give you a little smack or two if you were to complain about it. Let's not forget also the men who kill prostitutes and the media will always report it as "prostitute murdered" rather than "woman murdered" because as far as the world is concerned a prostitute is not a proper woman, she's just a collection of holes and utterly defined by her profession.

If you want to know what men think of the women they buy then google UKPunting where these "gentlemen" review the women they've bought.

I understand some women's reasoning for doing it, however, it is never the only option.

How naive.

BIWI just prepared for people such as yourself who's first thought when they see any post is to search the person's posting history and follow it up with a predictable one like yours. There's always one.

OK, but, they ARE consenting. They are getting paid for it, and they are choosing to provide that service?

Without the money, would she consent? This is what men need to ask themselves every single time they consider paying for sex. Would he have this woman’s consent if he wasn’t giving her money? If the answer is no then she is being coerced.

Also search for PTSD in prostitutes and read some experiences prostitutes have and the studies that have shown prostitutes have higher rates of PTSD than soldiers.

Urgh OP, seriously?

provided you are sure the person you are having sex with is not being trafficked Please tell me how you can be sure of this?

If it's a case of 'I need to pay the food bill and have no other way to make money so I'll have sex with you if you pay me' that isn't consent because it isn't a true choice. You might as well hold a gun to someone's head and say 'let me fuck you' and say it isn't rape because they technically agreed. Take away the incentive, whether it's money or a gun, and it's pretty damned unlikely she'd have made the same 'choice'.

Even in the incredibly rare cases that you might find someone with zero money worries that enjoys being a prostitute, that can pick and choose their clients, feels completely safe in refusing to sleep with certain prospective clients, and could stop with no negative repercussions at all, it's still buying into the notion that you can rent someone's body as a commodity for your own use, and contributing to an industry is which directly results in the trafficking, rape, and death of many, many women and children. So regardless of whether a man determines he has definitely found himself a totally happy, willing, untrafficked woman to pay for sex, he's creating demand. That demand will result in someone dying. His hands aren't clean at all.

It is financially assisted rape

The vast, vast majority (over 90%) of prostitutes were sexually and otherwise abused as children.
Think about it. Only people who have learned to disassociate their minds from their bodies would be able to go through with it.
A large proportion of prostitutes (from experience , I don't know the exact figure) were in care as children.
The vast majority of prostitutes began selling their bodies (or someone else began selling them) while they were still children.

But, yeah, that poor 30 year old virgin, eh, who can't "get" a woman..
Which is bollocks anyway. I have know some deeply odd/conventionally unattractive people. It just takes cultivating a personality and getting out there and showing interest in other people, not treating them like commodities, or putting women on pedestals.
Human beings are not for sale.

I completely disagree with you OP
The background of these women is usually absolutely awful and they do not have a choice or that they do not believe they have a choice.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.spectator.co.uk/2017/08/most-sex-workers-are-modern-day-slaves/amp/

"Theres always one"...says this OP....with no hint of irony...

Also- if you deem sex work as a valid choice are you happy for the job centre to send women and men for jobs as sex workers and to sanction their benefits if they refuse?

I literally cannot believe there are people who dont see the moral issue with paying for sex with diasociated sexual abuse victims. Christ alive.

'Paid for' consent is not consent. There's a reason it's not considered ethical to pay for blood or organ donation. IMO the same principles apply.

But, yeah, that poor 30 year old virgin, eh, who can't "get" a woman..
Which is bollocks anyway. I have know some deeply odd/conventionally unattractive people. It just takes cultivating a personality and getting out there and showing interest in other people, not treating them like commodities, or putting women on pedestals.
Human beings are not for sale.

And this. I have no sympathy for this “30 year old virgin” who felt entitled to rent a vulnerable person’s vagina because he couldn’t have a normal relationship. I personally wouldn’t have had a problem with a man who was a 30 year old virgin provided he had a good personality and was a good person...I’m sure I’m not the only one. Why didn’t HE have another option other than buying sex?

First lets be clear men and women both use male and female prositutes

Prostitution is overwhelmingly dominated by male punters buying female prostitutes and even male prostitutes are predominantly bought by other men. Very few users of prostitutes are female.

OK, but, they ARE consenting. They are getting paid for it, and they are choosing to provide that service?

There is no way to know this. And what is 'choice'

Secondly if a partner had used prostitutes I would be concerned about the effect of this on his concept of consent. I've worked hard all day, I did the washing up, I'm owed sex it doesn't matter if you actually want it or enjoy it or not.