To think the use of prostitutes just isn't that big a deal?

[Hihothedairyo]

Now here me out first, I do not mean married men who use prostitutes without the knowledge/consent of their wives/partners. Those are scum, I have been cheated on in that way before so believe me when I say I do not agree with that.

However, I've seen and heard a lot of people (including friends of mine) who believe that men in general who use prostitutes are scum.

Personally, I think that, provided you are sure the person you are having sex with is not being trafficked, then you are really just two consenting adults having sex. Yes there is money exchanged, but nobody is forcing the sex worker to do this job (in this scenario, I know that DOES happen).

Should a person who's say, 30 years old and still a virgin, and now feels their too old and too inexperienced to go out and find a woman to have sex with them, not be able to use a service that a woman is willingly providing? What about someone with some form of disability that wants sex but doesn't have the confidence or whatever to get it normally?

I've got a good friend who lost his virginity to a prostitute, and has visited them a few other times also. He's in a happy relationship now and does not use them and never has while in any relationship. I don't feel that him having used them was wrong, but he is not open about having used them at all and I'm pretty sure his partner doesn't know that he ever has.

I just feel there is far too much judgement and hate towards people who are, in reality, just doing something that has been done since time began. And I see no wrong in it, I imagine I'm in the minority here though.

Sorry so many typos as I was angry typing.

I just can't possibly understand how a women would want to be a sex worker as a job. You can earn more money having a decent career.

That's quite a naive view of the situation that the majority of women who end up in prostitution are starting from, Butterflyflower. With the very rare exception of the 'happy hooker' who gave up a job as a surgeon to become an escort that at least one person on these threads always seems to know, many women in prostitution have been denied the opportunity of a "decent career" often by chaotic upbringings which interrupted their education or by being trafficked into prostitution before they even reached the age of consent.

Can I make it clear I am in no way pushing for it to be legalised, my comment was more wondering if it would be better for women if it was. And if it isnt then fair enough someone has already pointed out its not working in Amsterdam and I fully take that on board. But prostitution isnt going to go away so we need to find some answers and ways to make it safer in the interim until we can get it to go away.

I don't think it's necessarily morally wrong (though it is under most circumstances), but I do think anyone who uses a prostitute is gross.

I think the reason it seems gross to me is because there is one person 'pretending' to want to have sex, and the other person is enjoying it anyway and really doesn't care that the other person is just pretending. It just seems a bit psychopathic and fucked up.

I don't judge any woman who does it, but I do judge the guys who use them. In my mind they are somehow a bit less human than the rest of us.

Unless someone is forcing you to prostitute yourself, you are choosing to do it, regardless of your circumstances.

No. You don't understand "choice" and what it is. You don't "choose" to do something regardless of your circumstances. You "choose" to do something because of your circumstances.

Think it's you that's "having a laugh"

Well yes, I suppose it is a choice.
I mean, in the same way that leaping from a three story building cos it's on fire and your exits are blocked is a choice.

Choice is a complicated thing. It's not simple and circumstance free and it certainly doesn't mean you do something because you just love it and it makes you feel great.

Unless someone is forcing you to prostitute yourself, you are choosing to do it, regardless of your circumstances.

So what do you suggest are the other options for women whose childhoods were so chaotic they missed out on a decent education and are now trapped in a cycle of poverty and abuse? For the young East European women trafficked here at 14 who don't even have control of their passports? For the sexual abuse survivors who tried to blot out the horrific memories with drink or drugs and now have an addiction to feed?

Where's your empathy?

I think it's pretty obvious that OP is a man who buys consent / uses prostitutes and is tying themselves in knots trying to justify it. All a bit awkward really.

Fundamentally, for me, even if there are women who are perfectly happy in their work as prostitutes, it comes down to the fact that men who want to have sex with women who don’t want to have sex with them are basically rapists.

But prostitution isnt going to go away so we need to find some answers and ways to make it safer in the interim until we can get it to go away.

As PPs have said - decriminalise the selling of sex and criminalise the buying of it, or what's known as the Nordic model, would be a good start. Along with much better funding for the charities and agencies supporting women to leave prostitution.

It infuriates me that so many on here refuse to believe that some women enjoy their escort work. Just because it's not something you can envisage there are plenty of women that do. Google Charlotte Rose, the first lady of sex. I've interviewed her she actively loves the work she does. Ditto other escorts
..one was delightfully candid
.said if she was good at flower arranging, she'd be a florist, if she was good at cooking she'd be a chef, as it us she's good at sex, loves it so is an escort. She said "why not get paid for doing something I want to do anyway". The happy hooker is NOT a myth.

I thought one of the difference between humans and animals is that they can control their urges.
Nobody is entitled to sex and nobody would die if they never had sex ever, it’s not a medical issue.
Facilitating this interaction for men to treat women as sexual objects starts with the sex chat rooms, through to lap dancing clubs and ends up with prostitution. All of these are bad and these services exist mainly because of the money they produce for this shady and criminal underground industry. Making it legal wouldn’t make it any better. The definition of prostitution is doing something you don’t want in exchange for money. There’s a difference between doing a cleaning job you don’t want and having sex you don’t want in terms of doing something useful, exposure to danger and propagating a very wrong notion.
And think about the global picture, all the sex workers in every single country in the world. Does the picture look different now? Do you still think it’s not a big deal?
I wouldn’t judge a prostitute but I think men who use prostitutes and all the channels leading up to that stage are disgusting and don’t respect women. And some must be so utterly stupid that they refuse to even consider that the woman in question hates doing that work. Worldwide, the overwhelming majority of sex workers are coerced into doing this.

crustycrab yes and that is still a choice, you are still choosing to do it.

Unless someone is forcing you to prostitute yourself, you are choosing to do it, regardless of your circumstances.

Many women are forced to prostitute themselves. That's exactly what pimps do, or do you think pimps are more akin to an agent or promoter? Now, whilst not all prostitutes are pimped, any are. There is no way the punter can possibly know for sure and I doubt many of them give a shit either way.

I think it's gross, for both the person buying and the person selling. I couldn't enjoy sex I had bought, personally. I just don't see the point.

Honestly, imho, sex isn't the be-all and end-all in life. If you can't find a partner without paying, it's perfectly possible to live a wonderful life without it. But I suspect it's very rare that someone honestly can't find a willing partner, if they're willing to put in the time and effort and aren't too fussed about how a potential partner looks.

You must have had an incredibly sheltered and privileged life. And that's great, until your ignorance and lack of imagination negatively affect other people.

You have demonstrated repeatedly here that you don't understand abuse, you don't understand trafficking, you don't understand consent, you don't understand choice, you don't understand trauma, and you don't understand exploitation. Not even close.

It hadn't even occurred to you that the women whose bodies are being bought and sold would come from abusive backgrounds, but you still insist it's a choice? Bullshit.

You are full of shit and I don't believe you came here wanting to learn.

Just wow. You are talking crap OP. I haven’t RTFT but if you really think that the majority of women and girls who work as sex workers do so through a thought-through choice and freely and willingly consent then you are wilfully turning a blind eye to the circumstances they are in. Many are coerced (how would a punter such as your friend be able to know?), many are desperate, many are feeding habits and most are vulnerable. A person in that position is not freely giving their consent, they do so through desperation or fear. If you think it’s someone “willingly providing” a “service” then go give it a try yourself.

She said "why not get paid for doing something I want to do anyway". The happy hooker is NOT a myth.

Telling the truth is bad for business.

As PPs have said - decriminalise the selling of sex and criminalise the buying of it, or what's known as the Nordic model, would be a good start. Along with much better funding for the charities and agencies supporting women to leave prostitution.

I believe this is already the case

Dulang refusing to see any other point if view is wilfully ignorant.

Do you have children...more specifically, a daughter? If so, would you be happy for her to do sex work for a living?

Women are not something to be bought!

@IfNot how do you know I don’t? Very presumptuous of you.

It infuriates me that so many on here refuse to believe that some women enjoy their escort work.

And it infuriates me that some women are wilfully blind to the damage prostitution does to a society in general and to women in particular and how selling it as an empowering choosychoice perpetuates that damage, so we all have our crosses to bear.

I believe this is already the case

Holbeck is evidence that it is not. Prostitutes are not being arrested (subject to certain conditions being met) but neither are punters.

Dulang refusing to see any other point if view is wilfully ignorant

Prioritising the views of those making money from organised crime (aka ‘the sex industry’) over those who have left and no longer have a financial incentive to defend it? That’s true wilful ignorance.