To think the use of prostitutes just isn't that big a deal?

[Hihothedairyo]

Now here me out first, I do not mean married men who use prostitutes without the knowledge/consent of their wives/partners. Those are scum, I have been cheated on in that way before so believe me when I say I do not agree with that.

However, I've seen and heard a lot of people (including friends of mine) who believe that men in general who use prostitutes are scum.

Personally, I think that, provided you are sure the person you are having sex with is not being trafficked, then you are really just two consenting adults having sex. Yes there is money exchanged, but nobody is forcing the sex worker to do this job (in this scenario, I know that DOES happen).

Should a person who's say, 30 years old and still a virgin, and now feels their too old and too inexperienced to go out and find a woman to have sex with them, not be able to use a service that a woman is willingly providing? What about someone with some form of disability that wants sex but doesn't have the confidence or whatever to get it normally?

I've got a good friend who lost his virginity to a prostitute, and has visited them a few other times also. He's in a happy relationship now and does not use them and never has while in any relationship. I don't feel that him having used them was wrong, but he is not open about having used them at all and I'm pretty sure his partner doesn't know that he ever has.

I just feel there is far too much judgement and hate towards people who are, in reality, just doing something that has been done since time began. And I see no wrong in it, I imagine I'm in the minority here though.

I’ve worked in a mental health role in U.K. prisons. I can say with absolute certainty that every single woman I worked with was a prostitute inasmuch as they had received sex for cash. Not one of these women had made a conscious choice or decision to live that way. They were either forced into it by life circumstances so totally shitty that most of us couldn’t begin to imagine them (eg a woman slightly brain damaged at birth whose own dad screwed her and whored her out because she was illiterate but had big tits so ‘it’s all she was good for’) or through poverty or addiction. I have yet to meet one woman who wants that same income steam for their daughter or younger relation.

YABU OP.

So instead you worked for the NHS where you said you felt exploited, underpaid, worked long hours and had arsehole patients? Gotcha. Sounds like a good career choice then.

Really don’t wish to derail any further but you seem to have quite the bug up your arse.

No obviously it was NOT a good career choice. I will stand by my assertion that it was no better a career choice than that of the ONE dominatrix I knew.

You seem to want some weird narrative that just didn’t exist so I will give what you want to hear instead and lots of women of my age will back this up.
I was never treated appallingly as a junior.
I never worked over 72hrs non stop with less than 12hrs break until my next shift not seeing my own bed for several days at a time.
I was never sexually harassed by superiors, colleagues or patients.
I was never spat on by patients.
I never ever had violent patients. ICE anyone?
I never had patients, colleagues or superiors who treated me rudely just because I was a woman.
I was never subject to blood splatter.
I never had to insert instruments into people’s arses to fish stuff out.
I was never subject to piss, shit or any other bodily fluids.

So, I really should be shocked and appalled at a dominatrix who may potentially be subject to some of the above because that’s not something that ever happens to professionals. Gotcha right back at ya.

Just maybe by the time you realise ‘fuck that shit’ you also realise there is a really low probability of the bank manager putting your large mortgage on hold for several years while you work out what you want to do and go back to Uni because at that point you are not qualified for anything else that will enable you to pay said mortgage. Then life gets better in that your years of putting up with utter shit pay off in that you are now earning great money and your position and seniority enable required flexibility and you are not subjected to some of the previous shit but yet much remains, however it is now topped off by being told you have to get a lot more out of your Dept with a LOT less to do it with as govnt continually rip the guts out of health services, plus add in a shed load more paperwork and the fact that everyone is a wannabe litigant not to mention has a degree from Dr Google and what’s not to love. Then you are finally in a position to jump ship, retire or die. But at least you are not a dominatrix so silver lining right there!

Also for those talking about judges etc not doing this due to facial recognition, mobile phones, not being able to pay for a property with money from such a line of work. Completely correct today, however my example is 30 years old. No such thing as facial recognition back then, no one would have known what you were talking about if you said mobile phone as they didn’t exist, computers were not in the workplace or home. Sure, a dominatrix could have taken a happy snap with the old fashion camera’s we had back then and raced it down to the newspaper office. But that was why they got big money. The part for the actual service itself would have been a fraction of the payment, the majority was hush money and to make it worth their while not to expose the person and their freaky fetishes. Also back then no banking, tax or government systems were linked. There were no computer systems to do so, well here at any rate. That all only came into being after I had started working as back then people could work and claim the dole and the only way they were caught out was if paper pusher in the dole office actually caught said person working, it was all paper and stamp based back then. People did indeed pay for stuff with cash or a bank note done on a type writer which replaced cash and people accepted (specific to that bank branch only and different to bank cheque’s we have now all traced in an electronic system).

To get back on track. I completely disagree that prostitution is a valid choice for men that does not involve exploitation of other men or women. I think there may be a tiny grey area with some forms of domination but it’s dependent on set up the individual has and the boundaries they have. In general though, I see prostitution in the same way I see overseas surrogacy, exploitative.

Russellbrandshair, if you want to derail any further with dissection of my own life, I suggest you start another thread. Call it HoppingPavlova’s brilliant career and write whatever narrative you want. If it will make you happy and enable you to tick some personal satisfaction box I’ll just come in occasionally and smile and nod.

Prostitutes are revolting

Your attitude is revolting.

Men who use prostitutes are revolting rapists though.

They were either forced into it by life circumstances so totally shitty that most of us couldn’t begin to imagine them

I agree. That was my experience too working in that field. I find it absolutely appalling that people on this thread are closing their eyes and ears to this on the basis that someone's cousin's neighbour's niece once did escort work and apparently enjoyed it and retired at age 30.
That is NOT the norm and one person does not cancel out the millions of women who are coerced, abused and tortured in this vile industry

A woman who is forced to have sex for money in order to keep a roof over her head, feed her family, support a drug habit cannot consent.
A woman who is forced to have sex for money by someone else ie pimp, sex trafficking, cannot give consent.
The problem with men 'using' prostitutes is that they don't ask the woman if she's actually there if her own free will.
In my opinion the men who buy the use of women's bodies are repulsive.
And it is that bad because the demand for women's bodies means more women are forced into prostitution. The men who do this are financially contributing to an industry that harms women.

The problem with men 'using' prostitutes is that they don't ask the woman if she's actually there if her own free will.

And even if they did (which they wouldn't as they close their minds to it in order to get their rocks off), she's likely to lie out of fear of the consequences of telling the truth. All part of the 'girlfriend experience', innit?

The problem with men 'using' prostitutes is that they don't ask the woman if she's actually there if her own free will.
There are men who claim they do and in their narrative the women always claim to be enthusiastic.
I don't think they are free to give a truthful opinion in that situation, there is a power imbalance. Men don't like to hear that, it makes them angry. I think interferes with their nice guy self image.

To the OP.
when your son/daughter comes to you and says they are going to be a sex worker remember that in your words

provided you are sure the person you are having sex with is not being trafficked, then you are really just two consenting adults having sex. Yes there is money exchanged, but nobody is forcing the sex worker to do this job

and

I just feel there is far too much judgement and hate towards people who are, in reality, just doing something that has been done since time began. And I see no wrong in it.

I suspect you might have a different view and you certainly wont be announcing your childs choice of career to everyone.

I suspect you might have a different view and you certainly wont be announcing your childs choice of career to everyone

Of course! there's alot of hypocrisy on this thread. People saying its no big deal and how lucrative dom work is etc..

I'll bet my mortgage that if one of their kids started doing it, they'd have a sudden change of heart.....its all very well when its someone else's kid isn't it?!

Prostitution fuels the pig nature of men.
I don’t judge prostitutes. I judge the men who use them.

In my view, men who use prostitutes are rapists.

Utter scum. They are not using a “service” but a human being, not placed on this earth for their convenience.

Exactly langberg. Imagine asking a woman if she's been trafficked. How many of these women are going to be honest in that situation even if they were asked.
I sincerely doubt any man would ask because it would ruin the fantasy.

I'm still boggled by claims that a powerful man dressed up as the most shameful thing he can think of - a schoolgirl, a female - is empowering the woman he pays to humiliate him.

The idea that women benefit from this is a bigger sub fantasy than being locked in a wardrobe and spanked.

I feel the same way inebriati. If you speak to anyone in the kink community they tell you that the sub is always the one with the most control anyway.
Suddenly that all changes when it's a man paying a woman to sexually service him?
Doesn't make sense.

@LadyGnome
I don’t agree with prostitution but in terms of what a prostitute does with her money that is her choice. I don’t think criminalising prostitutes is right, it’s the punters and the pimps that I would target.

I see a lot of ppl using this argument, but I am not sure how it is supposed to work. It really is just an excuse to penalised one gender and not the other.
How is someone supposed to be a prostitute but no one is allowed to be a customer? It makes no sense and would just make it more dangerous.
You need to ban it from both sides.

It's called the Nordic model and appears to work in other countries.
The women are decriminalised and given support in order to leave the sex industry.

FWIW a business acquainance of mine uses "Escorts" as he calls them!.

One of the women he saw he's now getting married to!, and he bought her round one night it was an interesting conversation as to what her "job" as she called it was like being a service provider or SP..

In breif it breaks down to several groups theres the poor souls who are streetwalkers a lot are drug addicts risking a lot to get their next fix she said that no one seems to want to help them to get them weaned off their addiction. There are among them quite a few abused women who are stuck in a poverty trap and this seems to be the only way they can make money to support their children, some are really desperate.

Others are women who mainly work through agencies, but there is trafficking of some sort or the other going on a lot of the time.

Some, are "indies" independant women who organise their own dealings websites, advertising, and choose their cleints she it seemed was one of the latter.

She also said that most all of the women these days were forigners maiinly Romainian who made up the bulk of SP's Most all were here to make money to give themselves a better life back home so they could buy a flat of their own or start their own business there! A lot were single mums where trhe father had pissed off and their mum was looking after their child or childern.

Seems that a woman working here on the game can make as much money in a year as she could in about a lifetime over there!

A lot of Oriental, mainly Thai and Chinese were her also mainly working in massage parlors which are on the rise. A lot of women are working in London mainly Romimain but a lot of Russians are here too with the baltic states in evidence they would stay for a while make money and go home sometimes the money they made would go on education or college here in the UK.

Very few women we're english or british these seemed to be in the minority!.

As to her customers she said that most of them were fine once you weeded out the arsehole time wasters they liked chatting the girl make an appointment then not turn up! She built up a group of regulars who would see her when she was in town she toured the UK quite a bit.

What may seem a surprise was that not that many of her clients were married the bulk were young single men who had the view that they wanted sex and it was more effective to pay her for an hour, get what they wanted and then leave, it often costing less than taking a girl out for the evening in the hope of some sex afterwards!

Most of the men she had were as she put it respectful and treated her well she did admit to enjoying herself with a lot of them but she did say there were inirltay a lot of absolute cunts around who would try to rip her off and try bareback sex without a condom some would try to take them off whilst intercourse was in progress!

She did say that she soon came to know who would and would not behave she also said the the actual sex was the easy part it was the dealing with the customers that could be a real head fuck some of the time. She did say that of the married men she saw most were in their 50's some younger and still wanted to be with their wives etc but the sex had dried up and they wanted to DTD with a woman but didnt want to start affairs. She also said that all of the time was proteced sex with a condom but some girls would offer this for extra money and some men would pay extra for it but in the main among her customers they tended to shun women who offerd this in order not to get STI's

Thats it as best as i remember, errors and omissions excepted of that eveing the wine had been flowing freely!

This is a escorts website and forum where the lives of the working girl are laid out with the trials and tribulations that go with it. It is belived that most all are english women on there. A lot of "Roms" as she called them had a bit of diffcuilty talking english and she though that few coud read and write english

saafe.info/

and here

saafe.info/main/index.php

How is someone supposed to be a prostitute but no one is allowed to be a customer? It makes no sense and would just make it more dangerous.
You need to ban it from both sides

If you criminalise it from both sides then you are making it almost impossible for a sex worker who is beat up, abused or robbed by a client, to report it. How are they ever going to be safe if they can't even go to the police when they need them? Do you criminalise women who are trafficked or pimped out then aswell?

I'm almost sure here in Ireland that it's not illegal to be a prostitute but is illegal to use one. I'm not sure though I'd have to look it up.

That is so depressing and bleak in so, so many ways justaboy

A lot of Oriental

Benefit of the doubt and all that JustaBoy but this is an offensive statement. We don’t use the word ‘oriental’ to refer to people any more.

I'm still boggled by claims that a powerful man dressed up as the most shameful thing he can think of - a schoolgirl, a female - is empowering the woman he pays to humiliate him

Its definitely not "empowering" and anyone who thinks that is deluded

It's supply and demand. It wouldn't exist if it wasn't a wanted service.

People I know who have done it love it

@Hihothedairyo
If you criminalise it from both sides then you are making it almost impossible for a sex worker who is beat up, abused or robbed by a client, to report it. How are they ever going to be safe if they can't even go to the police when they need them?

This is an excellent point and one I hadn't considered.

I would say by the same token the type of men they will accounted and the kinds of places they will have to frequent to gain business may also be more dangerous if it is a criminal offense to go to a prostitute.

It wouldn't exist if it wasn't a wanted service.

Of course it’s wanted. A proportion of men have always wanted to abuse women. If they can pay to do it, it legitimises their abuse so they can delude themselves it’s a ‘service’.

None of this means it’s a good thing.