she said something along the lines of me needing to get over what had happened in my childhood (sexual abuse in family) because what he did wasn't that bad....!!
Your ex-MiL is a toxic bitch.
When someone tells you what "you need" to get over, what they mean is "I want you to not inconvenience me with facts, because your feelings mean nothing to me."
Telling you that her son's conduct isn't as bad as the child abuse you endured is such an extraordinarily batshit way of exonerating her son, it's easy to see where his abusive behaviour comes from.
@boymum9, how are you doing today?
I hope you have been able to make progress with the police & your lawyer.
The only way you are going to fully escape your Ex's influence is by bringing the authority of the law to him.
A man who is excused like he is by his mother & who feels criminal acts don't count as illegal if they are performed by him is not going to be stopped by anyone keeping their head in the sand in hope he will eventually go away.
He won't.
He knows you are on to him about the camera planting, & has already tested your resolve by informing you it did not constitute domestic abuse.
If you roll over & accept that, he knows you are still under his thumb. So he will not hesitate to dream up a new way of pushing your buttons.
When you show him that it is unacceptable & you are reporting it, he will be angry. But he is angry anyway. So do it. Once reported, he will know that he can no longer get away with bullshitting you, because you will have the police on your side, & he will know that he can't get away with bullshitting them.
Until you report his behaviour, it will not stop. He is too used to having you where he wants you - scared, gaslit, & keeping HIS guilty secrets for him.
Lecture over my dear.
Listen to your lawyer, & keep posting for support.