Had the police round this morning

[Notinthemood04]

They'd had "several" reports about me leaving my younger daughter in the car on the school road while I drop my older one at school. This eventually became 2 reports and I know who they are from, although I don't know this person's name.
Even though I haven't done anything wrong in the eyes of the law, the policewoman said she would never even have left a 10 year old alone in a car ever, and would have to refer me to social services.
I have had to agree I will not leave her alone in the car again for the 2 minutes it takes, even though I feel it it safer to leave her strapped into her car seat rather than take her out of the car and into the road. The car is no more likely to get hit in those 2 mins than in the 5 mins we all spend in the car waiting for the school gates to open.
I feel utterly shit and deflated, and like I now I have to do something that feels more of a risk to me than my current not ideal choice.
I don't know if social services will visit me or not. It doesn't really matter.
AIBU as a parent to think that I am capable of making my own choice as to how to best keep both of my children safe? DD2 is 3.7 in case that matters.

@SisterAgatha Are you serious? I walk away from my car, in my driveway, in a cul de sac, all of 5 steps into my house, and keep an eye on the car from the window, and check him every 5 minutes, and I have an 'intention'. Intention to do what? Let my toddler have his afternoon nap and not be miserable and tired all day or be dragged out of his sleep and we all suffer?

The OPs post was about safety. My toddler was always safe.

I would not do as the OP did and leave a child in the car on a roadside, or outside a shop, but I do use common sense. Of course I would prefer DS napping in the house, but sometimes we have to risk assess a situation.

@crispysausagerolls You sound totally neurotic! Taking a baby monitor into the shower? You mean you can't have a 5 minute shower without worrying that your baby will cry?

DS is now 6. Didn't undo his seat belt (it was the most expensive on the market with additional safety locks) and never came to any harm. I'd do the same thing again. It's about safety, not preventing a baby from crying.

DS’ car seat is the most expensive on the market so I don’t think it means very much! Some children can still manage to undo them. You have just been lucky yours couldn’t.

It’s not neurotic to want to see if my child is distressed! I just wouldn’t put myself into a situation where I couldn’t see or hear them 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m actually very laid back in a lot of ways but not this one.

I don’t understand why not just stay in the car with your sleeping child like everyone else I know does 🤷🏻‍♀️

"crispysausagerollsYou sound totally neurotic! Taking a baby monitor into the shower? You mean you can't have a 5 minute shower without worrying that your baby will cry?"
I used to take my baby into the bathroom with me, sitting playing on the floor (unless asleep of course).
They can get into an awful lot of trouble in 3 minutes.

They can get into an awful lot of trouble in 3 minutes

If I needed the loo I used to put ds in his cot. Didn't matter if he didn't like it and cried, he'd get over it a few seconds later when I retrieved him.

I wouldn't leave a 3 year old in a car (or at home) on their own but that's more to do with the fact that something might happen to me. My mum said that when I was a baby she left me asleep in my cot while she popped out to post a letter. Only when she got back 3-4 mins later did she clock she'd crossed a busy road and could have been knocked over, and nobody would have known I was alone in the house. At least you can see a child in a car I suppose.

I used to leave my son to nap in the car occasionally if we came home from somewhere and he'd nodded off, but the car was on the drive immediately in front of our dining room window so I could see it at all times.

Never saw the point of a baby monitor. You must all have huge houses because I used to hear ds making a noise before it registered on the monitor. Biggest waste of money ever, used for about 2 days and gave it away.

@cologne4711 An incredible number of anxiety ridden mums here. Dread to think what happens when they're older and walking near roads.

"If I needed the loo I used to put ds in his cot. Didn't matter if he didn't like it and cried, he'd get over it a few seconds later when I retrieved him."
It depends how big the baby is. A 3 year old can climb out of a cot. Mine would demolish the stair gate so leaving him alone upstairs while I was in the shower wasnt an option.
There are lots of variables here. I have left a sleeping child in a car on the driveway, but I sat at the window watching him. I have left them in a car in a petrol station as you can see them from the pay booth, and nowadays petrol stations wont let under 18s walk across the forecourt. But I would never leave a toddler in a car and walk away into a school many many metres away.
I was amazed years ago when taking my child into the classroom, carrying my toddler, to go out to the playground to see abandoned toddlers in pushchairs outside.

Re the baby monitor - this week actually I switched it off to brush my teeth. This is a 2 minute job. When I finished (electric so loud and fan in bathroom), DS was hysterically sobbing and calling for me in my bed and I was unbelievably wracked with guilt! The bathroom and my bedroom are next door and I hadn’t heard.

c"ologne4711An incredible number of anxiety ridden mums here. Dread to think what happens when they're older and walking near roads."
Here again, there are variables. Some parents make sure toddlers hold hands whilst near roads or car parks, others let them run metres ahead or behind and put them in danger.

"Never saw the point of a baby monitor. You must all have huge houses because I used to hear ds making a noise before it registered on the monitor. Biggest waste of money ever, used for about 2 days and gave it away."
My baby was often sick when lying down. With the monitor I could get to her quickly" Without it, I wouldnt have heard it. Average sized house.

I've not read the full thread but one of my friends left their daughter of a similar age in their car on their drive way to sleep. She took the handbreak off and the car rolled back into their house causing quite a bit of damage to the front of their house (and thankfully none to their daughter).

That's not a judgement but just a real life example that these sorts of accidents do happen.

nowadays petrol stations wont let under 18s walk

Is this true?!?!

Madelaines parents thought it was ok to leave her. Not worth the risk, there are too many predators around.

Im not sure that's true about petrol stations and older kids. they do yell at you if you try and take a young child in with you (so you have to leave them in the car), but my 11 and 14y olds routinely come in with me on a weekly basis, to beg for food while I am trying to pay.

Madelaines parents thought it was ok to leave her. Not worth the risk, there are too many predators around

From my understanding the doors of the apartment were unlocked, the sliding door to the apartment was left ajar.

I think there is a huge difference between a locked parked car and an open ground floor apartment with the door open.

Also all those worrying about handbrakes being let down and the car rolling.

Not all cars have handbrakes, and left in gear does a car roll?

I can quite believe the measurements between where the car was parked and where the older child is dropped off.
Dc’s Primary you could, depending where you park be within 2 metres of your car.

FWIW. When I went out to the car he was occasionally awake and looking around curiously. Never cried or got. Upset. And I simply don't believe a sleeping baby would wake up and cry to the extent of hysteria in just 2 minutes. Babies cry End of. Unless you sit awake over him all night waiting for him to wake up so he doesn't even whimper? @crispy. As for taking the handbrake off and rolling down a hill. What hill. We have a flat drive. Maybe I should have left the keys in and my toddler could have gone for a joyride. If he'd undone the specially bought additional belt buckle for toddlers.

We used to use a playpen when we wanted the loo - they weren't always happy but they were safe.

@yellowallpaper

I KNEW you would send some response about not believing it! But he has always been a velcro baby/toddler and he is teething and yes, in the space of 2 minutes when I switched off the alarm and used my timed toothbrush he was absolutely beside himself! And he sleeps in my bed 😂😂😂 so i sort of am watching over him all night, but really it’s only because we like to sleep next to each other. If we didn’t sleep together I would have a monitor. Your child wasn’t upset Fortunately for you but you created, for no reason, a situation where he could have been and you would not have been available to respond. I find that hard to understand 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also @yellowallpaper what about him
Undoing seatbelt, opening the door and running off? It’s really not impossible or unheard of!

@yellowallpaper

My father got called out to a car where it just caught on fire. It was children. But adults who were locked in

Cars can and do spontaneously burst into flames.

Especially leaving it locked

Sheesh.

*wasnt children

I think a spontaneous car fire with a stationary well maintained nearly new car with the engine off is about as remote as being hit by a meteor. Or a lorry crashing into the side of your house where the baby is sleeping. Keep going with the wild and improbable possibilities it's really amusing.

This story was enough to put me off ever leaving my child in a car. Absolutely tragic.

www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-46347368

Laugh all you want Yellow but freak accidents happen, no they may not be likely but they happen.