Had the police round this morning

[Notinthemood04]

They'd had "several" reports about me leaving my younger daughter in the car on the school road while I drop my older one at school. This eventually became 2 reports and I know who they are from, although I don't know this person's name.
Even though I haven't done anything wrong in the eyes of the law, the policewoman said she would never even have left a 10 year old alone in a car ever, and would have to refer me to social services.
I have had to agree I will not leave her alone in the car again for the 2 minutes it takes, even though I feel it it safer to leave her strapped into her car seat rather than take her out of the car and into the road. The car is no more likely to get hit in those 2 mins than in the 5 mins we all spend in the car waiting for the school gates to open.
I feel utterly shit and deflated, and like I now I have to do something that feels more of a risk to me than my current not ideal choice.
I don't know if social services will visit me or not. It doesn't really matter.
AIBU as a parent to think that I am capable of making my own choice as to how to best keep both of my children safe? DD2 is 3.7 in case that matters.

The only real reason for doing this is laziness. You are too lazy to take your child’s safety seriously. It’s negligent and it’s not ok.

It’s also completeBS that the car is8m from the school. Otherwise the 7 year old could just walk in alone. And nooooo fuccckkiinnggg waaaayyyyyyy is OP parking near the school every day anyway - school parking is an aggressive bunfight!

school parking is an aggressive bunfight.

Again, that's down to individual experience isn't it? My dd's school has 41 pupils in total, plenty of parking space for the eight cars that travel in from outside the village.
A school not far from me has the grand total of 13 pupils - two cars dropping off and picking up at that one!

But even if it’s not a bunfight; 8 metres away the 7yo could walk alone no issues

My car has been hit while parked on the school run. I wouldn't do it.

I used to leave dc strapped in the car seat while I paid at petrol stations because the risk of getting him out and walking across the forecourt was greater than leaving him in the car where I could see him at all times imo.

But this just doesn't sit quite right with me. I'd be more inclined to watch the older one go in alone and stay in the car with the little one.

My DC are at their third school, this scenario would have been safe at one of the three. School 1, car park was not in view of the gates, it was about 200m from school and was the closest parking. School 2, the parking was opposite the gate, and parents were not allowed past the gate so it was literally walking the child across onto the pavement (advised to do so due to the school buses). School 3, to get a 7yo into class you need to walk through the playground, and around the outside of the school to the younger classes. No car is in sight.

If it really is only 8m, the risk is minimal. But danger increases with distance, and time.

What a waste of police resources!!

It people are taking their children out of the car in the petrol station, they are being very irresponsible parents.

8m is less than the distance from a petrol pump to the shop where you pay. I seem to remember threads on that scenario going a different way to this one.

You could cover that distance in (guesstimates) about 3 seconds in an emergency.

@TeddyIsaHe

I do it most days when I don't walk. Car is in sight. I stand at the school gates. Depending on where I park on the road, the car will be between 3 and 15 meters away, and yes, I always get the same spaces and have done for the last 2 years.

I personally wouldn't do it. I was at ASDA a few months ago and walking back to my car 2 young boys (about 6 and 3) started banging on the car window at me crying their eyes out asking me to help them saying their mum had left them and they were scared. They genuinely thought she had dumped them. They were right by the entrance and she came out 2 seconds later saying she only nipped in to get a prescription. She looked like a lovely mum too.

Not only this but anything could happen!

For a Police officer to say she would not leave a 10 year old in a car for a couple of moment is actually extremely concerning - if her view is this warped then she has no place in a job requiring assessment of risk and responsibility - sorry I think most of us would leave a 10 year old alone - I would put in a compliant - her personal choices should not be used to justify an action in her job - this is inappropriate.

You could cover that distance in (guesstimates) about 3 seconds in an emergency.

Probably faster than you could unstrap yourself, get out the car and go round to the other side to remove your child.

Or the same side if they are behind you. Mine just tend to be the opposite side.

@basecamp65
A complaint against the cop for using her own personal experience as a yard stick? I think you will find that does not fall under the code of conduct.

@mum11970 - tasking police resources doesn't work like that. Any police officer will know that you can't access police or DVLA systems unless it is part of their role. It would be gross misconduct to do otherwise. Similarly, officers don't get to task other police officers to speak to parents - it all goes through dispatchers. There is zero evidence in what the OP has said to suggest the Dad who she thinks reported her is a police officer.

I do however think there may be some significance that OP thinks it was this man who reported her. Is there a MrNotintheMood, or are you a single parent? A nice easy target.

I still think it is an over-reaction. It's all about weighing up risk and likelihood of cars going on fire, child snatchers, bag snatchers etc. Yes, there is an outside risk that any of these things could happen, but they are vanishingly small, especially as the OP is 8 metres away.

In terms of the police officer who said she wouldn't leave a 10 year old in a car - she's not really in touch with reality, is she?

It's funny, I've been on so many threads, where people will say it's fine to leave a sleeping child in a cot while you pop to the shop across the street, or pop next door to the neighbours. Leaving a 3 year old strapped into a car while you are 8 meters away is unacceptable?
There was one thread recently, where a mother wanted to take her older child across to the park (it was right outside the house) while her baby was asleep in his cot. So many people said this was fine, no different to being in the garden.
Honestly it really is the strangest place sometimes.

I don’t believe the Police would have become involved if the distance given is correct. Neither do I believe that it would have been reported to them twice if the mother could see her child and was no more than 3 seconds away.

Yabu

I said on page 3 that it is about abduction and posted a link to a case near me where a child and baby were abducted when the teenager stole the car. Although that was random and not someone watching and knowing the child would be unattended.

Yeah I left my ten year old on the loo while I took my other to school I couldn't exactly move him off we were in touch on WhatsApp)when I wasnt driving obviously and I had my neighbour on standby to pop over if he needed her

The only real reason for doing this is laziness.

This. People always trot out the old 'they're much safer in the car than me taking them out into the busy road' line, which is utter nonsense. You're presumably holding their hand or carrying them, not throwing them out into busy traffic and letting them fend for themselves.

I’m sorry. But that is incredibly lazy parenting!!!!

I have to drop my child off on a very busy toad. I get in the side close to the pavement and hook my youngest out that way. She’s 3.7. She can walk I’m assuming? My kids love climbing over the car

Someone has reported you. Take it seriously. 90% of people on here have said its wrong. Take it seriously. The police have said its wrong.

Take it seriously

My father was a police officer. Who was involved in something that happened to a child who was left in a car. I won’t talk about it as it’s incredibly distressing for me. I’m sure the story would be to any parent

It is not worth the risk. Someone hits the car. Some takes the car. The car burst into flames? She gets out of her harness and opens the door to the busy road.

I mean come on.

The only real reason for doing this is laziness.

Probably but its no more risky than the child leaving the car. Why give yourself an extra unnecessary hassle?

having to do something that feels more risky to me, that I am upset about. but it's not more risky.

I won't open her door out into the road in a morning. I'll have to undo her seatbelt inside the car and get her to climb across. And do the same in reverse getting back into the car. either swap the car seats round or just be bothered to do this.

I won't open her door out into the road in a morning no problem then.

it is one I made believing it to be the safest option for both of my children. Not because I can't be arsed but you've been told it's not safe, to stop doing it and you clearly just can't be bothered to get her in and out of the car as you've said.

You're clearly convinced you are right and the police, reporting parent, presumably school (but just guessing here the parent reported to them and they passed it on as you say you don't know him) most people on here and (again presumably) social services are all wrong. You're the only one who has to explain to social services why you keep doing it so crack on then!