To wonder how some women have it sooo easy...

[Elderflowerasusualthxs]

Aibu? Or just jealous? I don't know but how did they make it?
Such an easy life! Cleaners, gardeners. Huge countryside houses and sometimes second homes by the sea.
A caring and loving husband, good looking and wealthy. No need to work for the rest of their lives. Kids privately educated. Enjoying wonderful holidays in different places and cultures and so on...
They exist and just hit the jackpot or there is a secret that most of us don't know?! I met a pair of them last year by chance through my son's extra curricular activities.
So many of us don't have it like that and I know life can be challenging and unfair at times but they seem to have it all.
Can I have the recipe please? Thank you.

Going to a decent university and being attracted to smart, funny and kind men I would say.

If I look back at all my male friends and boyfriends from university, if I had married any one of them, I'd be living close to the life you describe (with the help of my own hard work and intelligence meaning a good career until stopping to be a SAHM, plus benefitting from the property market boom of the early 2000s).

And I did marry one of them! But I do work (part time), send my children to state school, clean my own house (as this is my choice/preference). However, since we own two houses (mortgage free) and have a joint income of over £250K per year, I could have all the trappings you describe if I wanted. I certainly appreciate my privileged lifestyle and do not take it for granted.

Most of the super wealthy are just normal people who don’t earn a salary as such, but they just had the right idea at the right time and sold the company on. I’m talking about the multi-millionaires who don’t think in terms of salaries and live in the huge houses in Kensington etc. They are mostly normal DHs who just had some business luck and work bloody hard. Some are workaholics yes - that’s a real thing, but the wives can handle this.,Most of them are lovely, decent men who prioritise their families. I only know if one divorce in our so old circle (out of maybe hundreds of friends locally) which is much lower than the national average. Nobody is perfect, but it’s not true to depict very successful DH’s as womanising or controlling etc. I only know one who fits this description.

sorry, not sure what it came out as “so old circle”. I just meant “circle,” though I’m talking about people in their 40s into theIr 50s, so not so young either!

Oh I don't know. We have the wonderful house and 2nd home and lots of help but I do now work full time and hard but in a good career.

When we first bought our substantial London house in the early 90s I thought we'd fill it with children but two were a struggle with late miscarriages and a lovely boy born at 27 weeks who didnt make it. In a heart beat I'd have given it all up to have him back and to have filled that house.

I have mixed feelings about money buying happiness because a little bit of me died with him but it was without question easier to be in that position with money than without but I'd have preferred him and more dc than the money.

Would I complain about maintaining 1000s of square feet and managing the cleaners and gardener and worrying about the cars and the journey to France. No of course not, my diamond slippers don't pinch and neither is my temperament glass half empty.

Perhaps some of these women are abused but they could move into a three bed semi and alter expectations. That isn't necessarily a choice for a woman in poor housing, few quals and married to an a'hole who knocks ten bells out of her after 6 pints and lives on eggshells.

Where would these nice, wealthy men go to look for a new wife if they became single again in their 40s?

Asking for a friend

Well Summer I'd say Conservative party constituency committes, church choirs in posh parts, tennis clubs, charity focus groups, friends of fhe V&A events, Christies/Sothebys private views, charity fundraising committees and friends therefrom, close friends of couples you know whose partners have died or left them.

I think it happens when you live a full life that is satisfying anyway without a man. That way any man who appears on the horizon is a vicarious interest to be taken slowly, objectively and carefully.

Oh and we know two chaps late 50s never married, not gay, a bit quiet who would love a companion but are sick of women who want them for their money so would only really consider a companion of equal status. Both missed the boat due to the trajectory of their careers in their 30s.

@Notmynom
I just love your post. I have similar background but a lot less earning. We worked very hard and I had to give up on my job and now setting up my business at home. We have 2 kids and smallish house + flat in another country and ok ish car. We are happy. Nothing too fancy but very happy 😊

I only want a companion of equal status to me

I do live a full, satisfying life, but knowing what it's like to have a loving dh, it's hard not to notice the a glaring, painful absence every day.

And apparently I'm in completely the wrong political party

I do love tennis though

I know plenty of wealthy men but none of them are single - all are married and no trophy wives, actually know very few divorced people (except for dh's sister), which is a bit weird...

The more educated you are the less likely you are to divorce. More educated people tend to get married later and have take their time choosing a partner. You have to choose the whole person and their ability to provide is part of that. People who think money doesn't matter don't understand how grinding it can be to be poor. Mind you as we haven't addressed the gap between girls and boys in education there are fewer and fewer "eligible" men to mary.

They marry in their own set. I was on the edge of a super rich international set in my twenties due to where I worked. Fascinating to an outsider! We attended some awesome weddings.

Unless you're Jeff Bezos there's always going to be someone who is better off than you and who can afford a more luxurious lifestyle than you.

There's no harm in aiming high and working towards a goal in order to achieve the lifestyle you want, but you need to be focused and to take steps towards making it a possibility. That might involve retraining or further education or putting your neck on the block and taking a risk.

Alternatively, you could choose to enjoy the life you currently have. We all have to make choices in life and every choice has consequences.

OhtheRoses, I am so sorry about your son. I agree that no matter how much money you have the things that really matter such as children and a happy life are much more imkportant. In fact when I was 14 and decided I wanted a lot of children and a good caree and picked law even at that young age I deliberately made those my aims eg marrying at 21 meant it was much more likely I could have a large family (we have 5 children). Taking no maternity leaves just 2 weeks off meant no impact on my career etc etc. These are not choices others necessarily would want to make but they certainly worked in our case.

As lots of people say above there will always be someone with more than than all of us no matter what our income level. it is just finding what works for you. I suppose there is probably an inclination to regard what you had as a child as the "normal" for you in many families so most people probably want something similar to if not better than what they grew up with.

No adult child likes to think so but to some extent we all become our parents in due course.

oh no xenia I do not want to be my mother

She's lovely but totally batshit!

In my experience, some women are more aware early on that certain types of men are a better bet when it comes to marriage. They pick the possibly dull but sensible and helpful man with a good career to settle down with.

This is definitely true. I’ve known a fair few that have dated men that only drove a certain car, that came from a certain postcode, that went to certain schools. They socialised in certain areas to increase the chance of meeting them. It all seemed so calculated to watch twenty something year old women do that. Twenty something year old women who were determined to get what they wanted.

I lost contact with them when I left that workplace but sometimes look at their Facebook profiles. Of course they only put up the highlights of their lives but those same twenty something women now drive convertibles and range rovers and are married to men in highly paid professional careers or business owners while they work part time or are SAHMS.

Are they happy? Who knows! Some are and some are not I suppose. It is easier to be a bit disgruntled while holidaying in the Caribbean than it is when wondering when the next bill will come through the letterbox.

How do these young women know about wealthy marriages? Their families I suppose.

A close friend of mine seems to have this life but she is the nicest, funniest, generous and human person you’d wish to have as a friend. She deserves everything she has and more !