To wonder how some women have it sooo easy...

[Elderflowerasusualthxs]

Aibu? Or just jealous? I don't know but how did they make it?
Such an easy life! Cleaners, gardeners. Huge countryside houses and sometimes second homes by the sea.
A caring and loving husband, good looking and wealthy. No need to work for the rest of their lives. Kids privately educated. Enjoying wonderful holidays in different places and cultures and so on...
They exist and just hit the jackpot or there is a secret that most of us don't know?! I met a pair of them last year by chance through my son's extra curricular activities.
So many of us don't have it like that and I know life can be challenging and unfair at times but they seem to have it all.
Can I have the recipe please? Thank you.

There are some really mean girl, passive aggressive responses here

Agree. I only have money now because i lost both my parents at a young age yet I note people are still stubbornly declaring "well money makes everything easier!". That might be true, but its little comfort to me- I'd give it all back in a heartbeat to have more time with my parents or for them to be able to meet their grandkids. Money hasn't made my grief easier at all. Not even one bit. I only have the money because they died and given the choice, i certainly wouldnt choose the bloody money.

I have been single for twelve years living with adult son who is ASD. When I met my ex he was out of work and moved back here from Slough when his business folded. We had a couple of very happy months until he landed a really well paid job. Then he was either working or spending money on expensive tech, motorbikes and cars, travel (with me sometimes). He had no time for me. And yet he didn’t understand why I wasn’t happy. Since then I have realised that there’s a lot of compromise in relationships and money doesn’t make up for that. Apart from my elderly father living here (that’s another story) I’ve never been happier, working for myself doing something I really enjoy.

Generally they grow up in those circles.

Good at blow jobs 🤣🤣

Couldn’t of put that better myself . Material possessions are all subjective. When is it enough ?

Shit life but dont have to worry about money.. versus..
same shit life with considerable money/housing stresses..
Which is easier fgs?

I lost my dad suddenly at 13, we were penniless, reckon my mum would've had more time for me if she hadn't had to work all the hours god sent. Maybe i also wouldnt have developed an eating disorder if she'd been around. We also wouldnt have had to move all the time as we had to rent, some places we could only stay in for 3 month so there was never time to develop friendships.
I'm 56 now, still have to watch the eating, and am still lonely, if we'd had some money, i know my life would've been very different!

Of course money doesn't eliminate pain, but it affords so much help both mentally and physically.

Sometimes it's luck but that's rare.

Sometimes it's bad choices: it just doesn't occur to some of us to aim really high and go for something that might ordinarily be out of our sphere of reference.

These women have these seemingly amazing lives because they married rich men who provides these amazing lifestyles where they and their kids want for nothing but these men hang out in certain circles so you have to either be in these circles socially, occupationally or you literally have to go fishing on elite online dating sites or in expensive night clubs.

Bottom line, rich men marry rich women.

I more or less fit the description in terms of income and lifestyle. Met and married DH when we were both trainees in the City, not earning much. He’s now a partner earning a lot of money (private schools, weekend cottage in the Cotswolds etc etc). I worked FT until we had children and now am a SAHM half the time and have my own business which I focus on two days a week, to keep my hand in. We have ups and downs same as anyone but generally very happy with life and aware of our good fortune.

Wasn’t planned at all- if anything, my plan was to earn a fortune myself not be married to a man who did. But the demands of children plus two very full-on careers were too much. Downside is that his work is stressful, long hours and lots of travel.

I’m sad to see so many posts suggesting that the price of financial comfort is staying married to someone you don’t love or that a rich husband will demand his wife is always perfectly presented and size 8. Not my experience at all- wouldn’t have married DH all those years ago if he had been a dickhead and he continues not to be one.

IMO Some men want a mummywife ! You know not really bothered about her looks etc more want a wife who will fuss over & dote on them, control everything so they don't have to worry about it & massage their ego etc, with minimal reciprication & some women enjoy that role ..... I'm afraid i find it gross , I'd rather live in a shed with a husband who shares everything & whilst we're not financially rich , I feel so lucky to have a husband who treats me like a lady . A true gentleman who's also a feminist ... Better than all the gold in the world ! But I also think some women are very materialistic & so a wealthy partner is what they look for end of , where's the average person dates based on personality & mutual attraction first . Also he might have a choad

It’s your parents fault they should have sent you to public school, then it becomes a case of not what you know but who you know. Personally I have worked my arse off and have a lovely home and one by the Sea. I now hang out with the have Yachts, not the have nots

Money doesn’t buy happiness!
It does seem unfair especially when there’s so many struggling but I would rather have not a lot but for me and my family to be happy and you can’t buy that 😊

I once read a saying along the lines of "However bad you think your life is, to someone somewhere it would be their fairytale." There are people watching their children starve.

Very close relative of mine looks on the outside to have just the life op describes. I know otherwise.

I can understand OP.. no need to get on her case for simply airing some thoughts - we all have off days, the ‘what if’ or ‘why me’ days. Firstly I think some of life is luck, some sheer determination and focus, and a lot of ‘just meant to be’. We’re all given doors to open, opportunities to explore, it’s what we do with them that matter. We can have smooth clear paths or obstacle ridden ones that produce a result and we can either accept or try to change the outcome. There will always be the haves and have nots but one has to consider what’s important in life. For me, it’s health - without that life can be pretty miserable. Yes, I wish I had done some things differently, very differently, but circumstances dictated which path I would choose and here I am! I try to do what I enjoy in life even with its limitations, appreciate the people in my life, wait patiently for appropriate times for things to unravel and try to seek pleasure in simple things. Of course there are days when I am filled with so many regrets and beat myself up over mistakes I’ve made, but can’t live in the past or keep wishing life were different. A friend has recently secured a fabulous job paying over £100k with global travel yet she’s a single mum with two failed marriages and so has her own struggles. Not always fine and dandy despite the £££s. You know, you just have to get on with life, do what you can when you can and make the best of it. Grass isn’t always greener, tho sometimes there are a lucky few who do seem to have it all, but mostly we need to take off the rose coloured specs and concentrate on our own lives and just live them as best as we can with what we have.

Having money makes any sort of struggle easier. My eldest had major digestive issues for the first year of his life, diagnosed ASD at 3.5, at the same time as I had a new baby and was diagnosed with two autoimmune diseases. I was able to get organic meals delivered for myself, a part-time nanny to take the baby while I took eldest son to his therapies or took a nap, and I upped my cleaning person from one to two days a week. It quite honestly helped me push on through and not have a breakdown.

Well I have a lot of what you listed OP...but that’s because DH and I work our socks off to achieve the lifestyle we want for our family. I’m a working class girl, who was on free school meals at one point, but I was determined to give my kids a very different life. It’s bloody hard work juggling a demanding job with family life, so there is nothing for you to be jealous of. However, if you want it you can get it. I’m a good example of that.

There's a few things I can't afford that I would really like but when I actually think "would I like to actually swap places with that person?" the answer is invariably no.

Isn't that just rich people marrying rich people though?

Its clearly something you want and strive to be......work hard and maybe you can one day. Those women are working hard looking after the children and as a family have worked hard to afford the luxuries or they were born into wealth OR they won the lottery!! Whatever it is. Who cares, care about yourself and what you can be/become. Life is too short to worry about how others have achieved what they have unless you’re willing to ask them and learn from them in an attempt to enhance your life?? X

BunsyGirl you hit the nail on the head

I don't have to work but I do, part time, because it makes me feel better mentally. I'm not on the scale you refer to as my children go to state school and although we're in top 10%, we have a high cost of living but it hasn't always been this way. We met young when we were skint and it has taken a lot of sacrifice along the way to get here. Part of everything is luck but we've both worked hard to get here.

Are you and your kids healthy? Then be thankful. My grandfather said if you don't have your health, you don't have anything, and he was right. Btw, I have a son with Down's Syndrome who I will worry about till my grave, so just be glad your kids are mainstream, and stop whining.

I have a very happy and settled life ( apart from not choosing to be single after 20 years, and clinical depression).
I have a fairly good job, nice house , enough money not to worry, a beloved cat , great friends and a great family ...........two adult sons, one with a very ill wife.
All I would choose to change us a lovely man, my son’s wife to be well, and my depression to be well managed.
Be careful what you wish for

In addition to me post BunsyGirl, I was also on free school meals at one point as a child when my dad was between jobs. I was at a school in a poor area and I still couldn't go on the school trips because of lack of £. I remember yearning for the lifestyles of more affluent friends like a home in a safe area, holidays, dance classes, music lessons and nice clothes. It's definitely not everything as I was very loved and that's more important but it definitely pushed me towards getting what I want.

It’s an interesting question, and whilst I had pre schoolers may have appeared to be what you describe.

What I will never tell newer friends that I make, is that we worked incredibly hard before having children and both contributed to clearing a mortgage on a London house and flat. That then enabled us to move comfortably to the country and live the life you describe.

I haven’t landed the perfect husband to enable cleaners, gardeners and a large house but paid for it.

Perhaps my hardworking ethos attracting a husband with the same outlook and values.

Everything we have we have jointly worked for. I haven’t landed on my feet. We make provision for the future whilst enjoying today.