To wonder how some women have it sooo easy...

[Elderflowerasusualthxs]

Aibu? Or just jealous? I don't know but how did they make it?
Such an easy life! Cleaners, gardeners. Huge countryside houses and sometimes second homes by the sea.
A caring and loving husband, good looking and wealthy. No need to work for the rest of their lives. Kids privately educated. Enjoying wonderful holidays in different places and cultures and so on...
They exist and just hit the jackpot or there is a secret that most of us don't know?! I met a pair of them last year by chance through my son's extra curricular activities.
So many of us don't have it like that and I know life can be challenging and unfair at times but they seem to have it all.
Can I have the recipe please? Thank you.

To those who asked, yes she is happy.

Although that was the only time he hit her, the bullying and emotional abuse went on for years. She is now a size she is happy with, bigger than she was but comfy in her skin. Her partner loves her very much, and works and ordinary job and drives and ordinary car and they go to ordinary pubs and are going camping on their holiday this year.

And I am proud to have her as my friend, we are both domestic violence survivors and its nice that we both have someone else who understands.

Oops, posted too soon. I was going to say, I find it sad that you define "making it" as marrying a rich man.
Such a marriage IMO would only be happy if you're wealthy yourself, otherwise there's a power imbalance and you're essentially the man's plaything, not an equal.
Personally I've always steered clear of wealthy men. My DH has a decent job with an OK income, same as me. But I've found wealthy men to be arrogant, entitled and selfish. Not all of course, but most that I've met. I'm content with having a bog standard middle class lifestyle. As a child we were poor and it now feels nice to have a home with lovely new furniture, car, nice clothes and a full fridge. And to be able to go out for a meal or to the cinema or to do a hobby. I feel so lucky to have all that. Wealth is so relative.

sorry for the typos, auto correct :o

tell you our recipe- being only children with both sets of parents dying early.

Boy was that fortunate. So glad we have no grandparents for our kids- would have distracted us from our piles of cash.

Pretty much any problem you can mention though is made worse by being poor.

May I also say that when adversity strikes and it strikes rich as well as poor, money does buy choice and peace of mind. DS2 died at a few hours old. It was a huge help to give him a very good funeral, to be able to access the very best obs and gynae care afterwards, to be able to put ds into nursery 4 mornings a week. Likewise when dd suffered with anxiety and depression and was self harming she recovered because we had £6000 to spend on the consultant psychiatric care she needed.

So whilst money doesn't prevent tragedy if makes dark times far more bearable and gets things sorted much faster.

I agree with the last two posters. Money can't buy good health, but in general it helps make the situation easier. There are of course exceptions, there are unhappy wealthy people and very happy poor. It goes into the realms of support then, because the poor but happy family lean on each other through the bad times, and that is worth alot.

@OhTheRoses, agree, money does help to smooth the bumps in the road, whatever they may be.

@Overthinker1988, that is a huge, sweeping and unfair generalisation about wealthy men.

Many members of my family are very wealthy through hard work. They are also kind, generous and thoughtful. They give generously to charity and tbh if you met them in the street you would never know how much they had in the bank

They are well educated and probably from nice polite middle class homes. They like dogs and horses.
They were raised to be picky about men and probably met husband at uni or in twenty’s whilst they were working. Husband will also come from stable background and have a decent job. They would not have dated anyone without prospects.
Inheritance will play a part. Usually a very big part!

Life has never been fair but the key to getting that life is basically being clever about where you spent your most attractive years. Straight from uni to London. Most of the women you describe that I know have never had big careers but were in the right place for the right men.

Btw I do not have that life , I am a working mother but I know many many ladies in that position it’s common around where I live. They are all actually very nice but just not in the real world. They still get ill, have children with problems and elderly difficult parents and some with inheritance have had massive life tragedies.

I have some nice things but I earned every penny of what I have and I feel good about it. I would hate to have the mentality for me or my dds that “landing” a rich man would mean they’ve “made it”. Each to their own but what I would see from the examples op gives is someone with no career who hasn’t achieved much in life.

I would feel really vulnerable living off someone else. It makes a huge imbalance of power Ona relationship.

@dimsum123 Did you miss the bit where I said "not all"? I was talking about my own personal experiences, obviously I don't know every single rich person out there.
And I'm sorry but people rarely get rich (and I mean seriously rich, not just "comfortable") by hard work alone. Almost always someone has been shit on along the way to allow them to get to that stage. Being outwardly nice and giving to charity means feck all, and of course if you're related to them they'll be nice to you and you'll be biased.
Again, I'm not saying your family members are like what I describe as I don't know them, I'm just talking about the people I've known.

@Overthinker1988, love how you're happy to casually insult my family.

These are people I've known and grown up with since I was very young, first cousins, aunts and uncles, that my parents know, and they are NOT nice to my face but sh*t on others to get where they are. They did not change after they became seriously rich. Their children have not been handed things on a plate, they've had to make their own way and work hard. Yes they'll inherit a lot of money, but they are not lazy spoilt brats, which I think says a lot about the family.

And that may be the case with some rich people, certainly not all.

And they are seriously rich ie millionaires, so a bit more than just comfortable.

Giving to charity does not mean feck all to the charity I'm sure.

Just because you know some very unpleasant rich people, does not mean everyone is like that.

I think some people wealthy because of inheritance, but perhaps you notice that more in later life. The women I know who are extremely comfortably off have husbands who earn a lot - one is the partner of a US law firm so is probably earning a million a year, the other is finance director of a FTSE 100 so is probably earning half a million a year.

I know other people who will have a mountain of money later - even if some of it is eaten up in care fees, there will be plenty left over. But their parents are only in their early 80s so they could still have a long wait.

Sorry, i know you dont need more stories but the richest people I know have a history of cancer in their family. One who everyone is always talking about being so slim actually had cancer and almost died and had part of her stomach removed, hence the slimness. Three out of four are constantly in and out of hospital To the outsider they have it all. I am sorry but yabu

@stayathomer my working class family has a strong history of cancer too.

Poor people and rich people get the same illnesses and deal with the same traumas.

As PPs have pointed out, it's hard for everyone to deal with these things, but you have to admit that it's easier if you don't have to worry about how your husband is going to afford to keep a roof over your head whilst trying to cobble together enough money for a half decent buffet at your wake when you die.

*over your children's head

Sorry to hear that Giverherhell, I probably put it wrong, I was just really saying health is the most important thing and trumps money any day x

Honestly a quick watch of any of the Real Housewives series should cure you. Everything is relative, so I find my life stressful with four children, a friend has eight! Another friend has one and doesn't work and seems the most stressed of all of us!

My mum had a friend with a "perfect" life. Except her handsome and successful husband spent most of his non work time on nights out and planning or having affairs. Her DH spent the trip to the Seychelles (that everyone envied) shagging the au pair while his wife took care of the kids. He was ruthless and she knew if she left him he could afford far better solicitors etc than she would having given up work and having no income of her own. The life everyone envied was a guilded cage.

With all due respect overthinker my DH has never shat on anybody to get where he has. He went to the local comp, then Oxford then carved a niche in a niche career through hard work and sheer brain power. When we met I had money and he was on his uppers about to give up his chosen career. I gave him the security to continue. Perhaps that's why I have always been his equal.

What he did need at a crucial point was a bit of a cushion and some moral support.

Our lives are fantastic but I wouldn't say becoming rich was either easy or based on luck alone. As I said earlier the work and commitment it has involved has made me/us the target for much criticism and many "ugh's, you are made to do that". Not so mad when the hard work and sometimes endurance leads to the fantastic house, 2nd home, private education, cleaners, gardeners, opera and yes, a very nice boat in our case.

I could have married a wealthy stockbroker at 27 but realised he was an arsehole so I didn't, I married DH who at the time had a fraction of the other's wealth but good judgement led me to swerve a frog - and the fact that I wanted more from my future than wealth.

Hello Elderflower - yup, I'm that person you're describing too. But it just depends on what your version of 'lucky' is, isn't it? My mum was diagnosed with cancer when I was 12, was in & out of hospital throughout my teenage years and then died when I was 20. I have gone through my entire adult life without a mum. My incredibly fit father died suddenly from a brain haemorrhage when I was 36, and then someone from outside the family sued his estate, resulting in over 2 years of legal battles, ending up at the High Court, making my sister & I both ill. Yes, I am very lucky in a lot of respects, but then I've had an awful lot of loss and heartache to go with it, & personally I think the ones who have had parents for much longer than me, there to see their weddings, their children etc
are the lucky ones...xx

Envying other people's lifestyles simply tells you you're unhappy with your own.

Do you have any idea how many of these women are living horrendous lives being abused/controlled, but people from outside think they have it easy? What a stupid thing to say! The best way to go through life is to be grateful for what you do have and not what you don’t. My husband and I aren’t rich, but we have two sons who are both healthy as are we and we have a great relationship, that’s worth more than any amount of money.

My god. There are some really mean girl, passive aggressive responses here. Life is hard for women, let's not make it harder by being shitty to other women. Let's work together and help each other. OP, I don't know a single woman whose life is like what you describe. Remember "Comparison is the thief of joy".