To wonder how some women have it sooo easy...

[Elderflowerasusualthxs]

Aibu? Or just jealous? I don't know but how did they make it?
Such an easy life! Cleaners, gardeners. Huge countryside houses and sometimes second homes by the sea.
A caring and loving husband, good looking and wealthy. No need to work for the rest of their lives. Kids privately educated. Enjoying wonderful holidays in different places and cultures and so on...
They exist and just hit the jackpot or there is a secret that most of us don't know?! I met a pair of them last year by chance through my son's extra curricular activities.
So many of us don't have it like that and I know life can be challenging and unfair at times but they seem to have it all.
Can I have the recipe please? Thank you.

I have NC for this and will probably get accused of being insensitive or stealth boasting or something, but it’s a genuine response to the question asked because I am probably one of “those” women described in the OP, so this is my experience..,,

I was born in another country where we were poor by UK standards, but it was very rural so it was normal to me. I was sexually abused for many years by a close relative and when I told my family, they did nothing about it really, except for tell me to keep away from him,

I came to London to study when I was in my early 20s. I was the first person in my family to do anything like this and it was like a different world, but I loved it.

I met DH in a bar quite randomly. He had just left the marines some months before and was effectively jobless. He is British but of an Midfle Eastern background and his parents had fled here from two different countries due to escaping the political regimes. They both had mental health problems, but he got a scholarship to an independent boarding school as a child.

Things moved very fast and he proposed within 6 months. He is 5 years older than me. He went into banking by a fluke really and worked for 5 years as an options trader. He learned in his feet and started earning very highly. We went to NY and Singapore and I left work to go with him, We got married and I had my first DC at 29. After that we had 3 more children and I became a SAHM to enable year his career. Yes, I know it was risky, but that’s what I did. After the first DC, DH changed career and became a founder of a company and ten years later they sold and our share was about £30 million.

Our lives haven’t changed massively since the money because most of it is reinvested, though we did move to a house I absolutely love in a great area of London and tbh, nearly every day, I wonder how did we get here and how lucky we are. The kids are in amazing schools that we’ve bern able to pay for because if DH’s career and they’re all doing really well.

Things are never perfect of course. I’m aware that many would find DH hard to live with because he can be very full on and he’s extremely work focused. But I can because I understand him and his motivations. He is kind and 100% honest. He is selfless in many ways. I do love him more, 18 years later because of all the ups and downs and what we’ve built together. I’m still very attracted to him and trust him with my life.

Most of all we have our health. Sometimes, despite everything, I’ve had bouts of depression which I think stems from my childhood. He also had a difficult childhood because if the way his parents were and the boarding school separation and this manifests in some ways. But we’ve made it this far, I guess. I feel very lucky, but sometimes it scares me and I feel it could all vanish in a flash. I’m in therapy at the moment which is helping me deal with the childhood abuse.

You're right, OP. Some women do have it easy. That's life & life's never been fair.
And it's not merely grafting that's got them there; some of the most hard-working people I know (think 3 low paid jobs) don't have a pot to piss in.
If these lucky souls are 'bored' or 'lonely' despite their good fortune, they should really get an imagination & use some of their dosh to get out and about. Or help other people. Or volunteer for a charity.
As a wise person once said, it's far more comfortable to cry in a Rolls Royce than on a bicycle.

Brian9600 I agree completely. I don’t think I’m quite as well off as you but I live a very comfortable lifestyle while being lucky enough to work part time and be there for support for my husband who works incredibly hard to provide for us. We are very happy and I don’t see it as he works and I live off him. We are a team and work well together

Personally I think it must be pretty unfulfilling to marry someone and rely on them for everything. I have known some expat wives do this when as I worked as an expat. I'm glad I enjoy my job and have really worked hard on my education and professional career - it is tough to do everything but I would rather that than have it fall in my lap so I think YABU.

Anyone who thinks they know me might say I’ve have it easy. I don’t really need to work anymore, I’ve just gone back after a year off. I’ve no kids and didn’t need the time off, just fancied it. I also have a new car (no loan) and a big house in the countryside. I’m 38.

I put myself through college and earned a degree in software development which pays very well. I bought a house while I lived away from home and sold for a very handsome profit. Just to add that I saved every penny for the deposit myself.

Everything I have is because I saved and worked for it. When I moved home and bought a new house, the village rumour was that I had won the lotto as how else could ‘someone’ like me afford it. I imagine they all think my new husband pays for it all but it’s not the case.

I made some hard decisions when I was younger and sacrificed being close to family and friends for years to establish myself in my career. I’m not frivolous with money and consider the cost of everything but I like to spend on

I think some good decisions early on in life can set you on a path to a very secure future. My drive comes from growing up completely flat broke. I saw the daily struggle my parents went through and was determined not to face the same.

I was only reading through to see if someone had the answer

Sadly it’s life and what you see doesn’t always reflect the true situation.... be happy for what you have not what you don’t have

Some people probably think I have it easy, I wouldn’t necessarily agree. My husband has a very good job and because of that I’ve never had to work full time. I do work 16hours a week. We have a gorgeous 4 bedroom detached house in a lovely area. I have my own car and can do what I want when I want really. I would have none of this without my husband and I don’t ever forget how lucky I am. However I still have difficulties and still struggle like everyone else.

I dunno. I have a close friend who just moved into a huge house and is recently married to a wealthy man, and she does ski and sun and fancy cars and clothes and everything appears perfect. She is depressed most of the time and admits that she has absolutely no reason to be.

There’s a saying in our culture that always look at people who are less blessed than you . If you look at people who are living in war zones or are homeless in cold weather or really unwell you will be able to count your blessings and appreciate all you have

@Elderflowerasusualthxs

I had the shortest start to life, I think a child can have, that wasn't a medical issue.

I learned a valuable thing, that has stayed with me, and helps me even now...

EVEN THE QUEEN'S SHIT STINKS!

remember that, and you'll realise, no-one is better than you, and nobody is THAT special!

Once you accept your lot, you'll enjoy it better too.

Now I have severe mental health issues (scars) from childhood and I have lots of medical issues, and am disabled.... This was the result of hard-work! Well, a static caravan fell on my back while I was working underneath it.

Despite that, almost 5 years ago I found the most wonderful person, my now fiancée. Even tho she has had an extremely bad couple of years ... Sepsis, and ICU... Gotnover that, just! She was lucky in that due to.me acting quickly, and getting her into hospital, she came out pretty much unscathed.

Last year, she was diagnosed with throat cancer, and within months had several scans of all types, and 2 operations, then 6 weeks of extremely intensive radiotherapy and chemotherapy. This left her feeling like her world was caving in, but her aim.... Manage to eat some christmas dinner, and she did.

Now the aim is to be well enough to support me go for an operation to have a dodgy fingernail removed and have a skin graft.

You know what.... We ain't got it THAT BAD! yeah it's shit, yeah we sometimes struggle to make ends meet, but we both can wipe our own arses, and we can talk to each other.... And of course, we have each other.

So remember, life is shit, life ain't fair, and life has a sadistic sense of humour!

No.matter what, if you accept your lot, and do your best, you'll be fine 😜

Oh, and stop envying others, and you'll enjoy your life more.

Not shortest... SHITTEST

I’m sure people think that about me. My husband is a successful actor and another mum came for a coffee once and told me how lucky I was to have a rich husband to buy me a lovely big house. I pointed out that I’d bought the house and it is still just in my name.

I was homeless and had a difficult childhood and when I met my husband he was just starting out in his career and had nothing. When we had our first child 6 years later I had the job house and car and he wasn’t working much but then his career took off so I gave up my job to stay at home with the kids.

Everything we have now is down to a lot of hard work, working together as a team, especially considering we both had hardship as kids. I’m sure most people don’t see that and just think we are lucky.

Well....I'm envious of women who have managed to fall pregnant naturally and have a healthy baby. I'm envious of people who can do every day tasks like getting dressed or washing hair or holding a pen without struggling due to pain.
I'm jealous of people who still have a full set of living parents.

But yeah....it sucks that you don't have 2 homes and a cleaner

Other people’s lives always seem easier. Often they just have different s**t to deal with.
You should start by appreciating what is good in your own life and making the best of that. Some people would love to have your life, we happen to live in a wealthy country and are richer than a large percentage of the world’s population. We get free health care, have more than enough food, our kids get educated etc etc
I bet you have friends, loving family or close people, kids. So in many ways you are blessed

Some people are being really mean, not sure why.
I think that most people who are living a really wealthy life grew up in similar circumstances and didn’t really mix in circles where that was anything but the norm.
Of course there are exceptions but those who grew up in huge houses with staff and were privately educated very rarely end up broke. They get a good head start. My brother married into a very wealthy family, her father bought their London flat as a wedding gift and eventually got my brother a very lucrative job so that he could look after his daughter. Of course - the self made, got lucky etc but generally money goes to money.

Why does everyone assume that if someone's life looks good from the outside, it can't actually be true and that actually they're depressed, unhappy etc etc?

Some people are wealthy and actually genuinely happy, whilst of course having the usual challenges in life that none of us are immune to. If you have a supportive network of family and friends those challenges are made a little easier to face.

I know many people who are actually genuinely happy, married to partners who are very successful in their careers and paid accordingly. I know they're happy because they're people I've known for a long time and we are very open about our lives. That's not to say they haven't gone through stressful times, with worries about DCs, parents, health issues etc, but in a healthy strong relationship these things are faced together and ultimately bring you closer.

Everything we have now is down to a lot of hard work, working together as a team, especially considering we both had hardship as kids. I’m sure most people don’t see that and just think we are lucky.
But you were lucky! LOADS of people work really really hard, toiling away 6/7 days a week, evening shifts etc - just to make ends meet. Hard work does not always equal wealth - it’s dismissive of the hardworking poor for you to say that.

@MacBlank
Your post means my heart just keeps thanking you and thanking you. xx

@Toomuchtrouble4me, true but it also depends what you work hard at. Working hard to run your own business can sometimes eventually mean becoming very rich. Working hard in an ordinary job won't.

Sometimes you have to take the risk and make the leap to do something yourself and have the determination and perseverance to keep going.

My family came to the UK with nothing, but worked hard, often 7 days a week and are now very well off. They started a business from a market stall which grew into a big PLC which they eventually sold.

A former work colleague really fell on her feet after joining a very expensive online agency. Her now husband earns ridiculous money and his company pays their mortgage for some reason. I do wonder how long it is all going to last, because, sadly, she has mental health problems and none of us think that he is aware of them yet. She was referred to a psychiatrist through Occupational Health, but refused to go. She does absolutely everything for him and actually gave up work to become a full-time housewife. As much as they have I wouldn’t be able to live with all her anxieties, paranoia and unwarranted fears. We really don’t know what other people’s relationships are like.

I had an ex friend say this about me a few years ago. “How does someone like her who’s never worked a day in her life end up with two nice cars on the drive, a five bed detached and a decent man? She doesn’t deserve it.” Well I met someone and fell in love with him. Gave up on my career so he could pursue his dream and I guess from that angle I’m a lady of leisure. I’m actually hellishly bored with very little in my own name, no savings, no pension, no accomplishments. My marriage has had the same tough patches everyone’s else’s I know has had and he pushed for a bigger house (and therefore bigger mortgage) because we knew we’d likely not be able to afford to move again before we’d need a spare room for ailing family members that no one else gives a shit about. So I’ve gone from looking at a carer I was passionate about to being a full time parent to our three kids, a full time carer to two sets of grandparents with a husband that works 16 hour days 7 days a week 🙃 which let’s face it, could fall apart at any minute because that’s the way of small businesses. I wouldn’t worry about it. Money can’t buy you out of problems, worries, stress or unhappiness. Enjoy YOUR life and just make the best of it. I miss how simple life was once. I miss my husband being around. I miss having much less pressure on us. The grass is always greener.

@MrsPilkington
Thank you for your post. You seem a kind hearted person. x

I think I have a lot of the things you would like: a 6 bedroom house, a cleaner, a 7 bedroom holiday home in France 20 mins from beach on outskirts of town near to National Park, a loving and caring husband, with a good job who is generous, 3 well behaved children who all work hard and never caused any problems, 2 wonderful grandchildren , money in the bank, fab holidays. Sounds like I have it all except for the looks and the gardener but I could have one if I wanted. However my health is no longer good and tomorrow my dh goes in for brain surgery after finding out he has a brain tumour. I would swap it all in a heartbeat to get our health back. If you are healthy and mobile you have a lot.

I learned very early on that there’s always going to be women prettier than me, not as pretty as me, smarter, not as smart as me, richer, poorer, happier, unhappier, better home, worse home, better car, no car, and on and on.
Made me a happier person and made me appreciate what I have instead of what I don’t. Any boost I get, either from hard work or inheritance, I consider a blessing.
I still get envious but I usually get over it quickly because I consider myself fortunate for what I have - not unfortunate for what I don’t.
I think it’s a state of mind.

After so many wonderful posts I'm touched beyond words and a big THANK YOU for you part in my journey.

I started this thread feeling very low. I never meant to be bitchy or judging between us although I know it probably came across like that.

Anyway, for ALL of you (no matter the money you have) goes this phrase I like a lot.

"A diamond is a chunk of coal that did well under pressure"

Thanks again x