To rehome him?

[gallgal]

Our male cat, that is? He's 13, and we've had him since he was a kitten. In the last two years his spraying has got so out of hand that we are now in the situation where he is soiling absolutely any object made of fabric anywhere in our house.

We have two children, one is a toddler and the other, the five year old, is autistic. So we have lots of laundry, blankets, toys etc all over our house, and I do my best to pick up after them but I can't get everything put away.

Today I found he had pissed all over DS's pyjamas on his bedroom floor, all over a clean and folded pile of laundry on the sofa (that I hadn't had a chance to put away yet) and all over the rug in DD's room.

Vet has ruled out urinary tract infection and says it could be dementia(?!)

I can't live like this any more. I can't stay on top of all the spraying and laundry it generates. I'm utterly miserable.

AIBU to rehome the cat? He clearly hates it here anyway.

My cat is 13 and she is doing similar though not on clothes etc just 2 certain places before I moved we had s cat flap and never had her piss ever in the house. Had to get a litter tray which she does use...but will still piss on the floor It's gotten tiring and there are days I feel so angry at her BUT it isn't her fault.
We chose to have pets and the responsibility and that includes the shitty times, they only have us let him die happy and not confused shoved in a pen or worse cold demoted to outside.

Admittedly your situation is worse than mine but i feel your pain!..,I could never have my girl put to sleep and I've had her half the time you've had yours as mine was a rescue cat who was meant to be 1 but turned out to be 6!

Oh for gods sake. Animal lovers don't half piss me off sometimes. Equating a cat to a child, how bloody ridiculous. I've had horses, dogs, cats my entire life and I fully believe that there should be some joy in being a pet owner. The animal has got to be happy, it's got to be comfortable. A RESPONSIBLE pet owner realises and notices that they're not the best place for the animal and takes the proper steps to make the right decision.

Is it a good idea to have a pissing cat all over the place with a autistic 5 year old? Definitely not. I have 2 children with ASD and let me tell you, a spaying cat would put me into a mental hospital. It'd be the straw that would break the camels back.

OP has done what she can for 2 years, the cat is unhappy and has dementia. We've got no problem holding our hands up and saying we can't care for humans when they get dementia or Alzheimer's, so why in gods name is admitting that about a cat so awful?!

OP, ask your vet. They might know a shelter that will keep him safe for the rest of his life OR they may suggest that he's clearly unhappy and it might be kinder to him to be PTS.

Do NOT be made to feel guilty by anybody on here. Nobody knows what it's like to have a severely autistic child, nobody. Humans come before animals, they just do. Your mental health is more important than than this

If the cat has been doing this for about 2 years and you have a toddler could there be a connection.

Just checked you can get cat nappies, might need a thing called a “recovery suit” I think that’s the name to keep nappy in place

Our cats are family

In all fairness who would want to home an ageing cat with these issues.
If you don't want the cat I'm not sure why anyone else would.
Can you have him PTS it might be kinder, he has had a long life. I believe in euthanasia for humans and animals suffering like this. Yanbu I understand the pressure you're under.

I feel for you OP. Taking care of an elderly cat is hard. We had one that was blind and would wee on our beds regularly towards the end cause she was too afraid to jump down to find the cat litter. We ended up putting her down as she got really poorly, it broke our hearts. But me and my sister were in our mid late/mid teens when this was going on so we could help care/clean up after the cat and my mother wasn't worried about us getting near the cats faeces. You have small children so I can imagine the constant stress and worry. I'd go back to the vet and tell them it's getting too difficult to cope with and see if that have anymore suggestions and if that's not working for you then perhaps co tact a cat sanctuary near you? They might take the cat and be able to care and manage his needs?

Mumsnet be like...

I would get a second opinion before PTS and go from there.

Speak to the vet again, there are very good drugs for dementia and anxiety/stress.

Ask about Selgian, Vivitonin, Fitergol, and if anxiety related (and if its just inappropriate house pissing, it could well be that), fluoxetine might also be an option.

You might also benefit from doing a pain medication trial - animals react to pain in ways we wouldn't automatically associate with pain.

Pain causes stress, stress causes.. house pissing and other unpleasant behaviours. Soft tissue pain in particular is VERY hard to diagnose in the vets surgery, as animals typically tense up and react badly there, so a pain med trial might well show up a problem (basically give pain meds, with your vets approval of course, and if the behaviours improve... pains probably your problem).

Look at other potential causes of stress, can you provide secure hiding spaces away from kids, alternative secure, cat-friendly litter tray places (often, we put litter trays where it suits US, but those end up being places that the cat really doesnt like and that in itself, would likely cause some inappropriate pissing related to stress.).

So theres lots of options to investigate, and not all of them particularly expensive, before you rehome or euthanise your cat.

I would ask for the vets opinion, not random strangers on the Internet.

OP has done this. Vet has ruled out urinary infection and diagnosed dementia.

But the MN cat massive, who love their animals as much as their kids, know better.

OP has also been clear that she is struggling enormously with this behaviour. She has two young children, a toddler and one with special needs. She is doing all this single handed. She is at the end of her tether and simply can't go on with this. Something has to give. Totally agree with everyone who said that in many cases being put to sleep is the best way forward. OP has to consider the needs of the HUMANS before the needs of an animal.

Humans are cursed with the knowledge that we're all going to die at some point, but animals aren't. Lucky them. Blissful ignorance. Having someone preside over their life with the priority of happiness and health over longevity is the gift we give our pets. Determinedly 'keeping them going' till the bitter end because you cant stand to say goodbye isn't any sort of act of kindness.

I agree with this. Let them go while they've still got some quality of life. It's the kindest thing you can do for your pet.

It's an anonymous forum @orange196T

Sorry OP, I think the kindest action will be PTS.

We had a similar situation and it just became more distressing for us and the cat.

I'd get a second opinion on dementia tbh.

It really really sounds like stress associated with your children. You could try having 2 cat litter trays, with 'worlds best' cat litter.
You could also try zylkene and a valerian spot on. The feliway plug ins are actually not great, you are meant to have 1 per room and change them every month. I've found the spray a lot better.

You wouldn't be unkind to rehome him. Go to www.catchat.org and find a local, small, no kill rescue. Or even better, a sanctuary. Do not use any of the big charities, they will pts.

Be prepared to give a good donation too, that will help the charity a lot.

A 13 year old cat isn't over the hill and deserves a second chance.

I wouldn’t give a 13 year old cat to a rescue. Imagine how confused and uncomfortable he will be, leaving the only home he’s ever known and going to live in a cage because he’s a bit old and incontinent.

I think the only fair option - if you can’t cope with him - is to PTS.

I think the 'would you rehome your children' comments are very upsetting, considering I have a disabled child. A disabled child and a disabled cat are not comparable. Not in the slightest.

Such harsh fucking replies on here. Tbh, if my cat was continually pissing all over my house and in my childrens clothes, I would be looking to rehome aswell. I'm sorry but you cannot put up with that.

BTW, dementia is not only about getting disorientated, with my old lad, even getting his back legs to bend so he could sit/lie down was a hit and miss, sometimes he was visually tired but unable to sit unless someone helped him to lie down.

He won't be rehiomed at that age with those problems he will be put to sleep 😢
However you can't carry on as you are so in your position I would take him to the vet .

Unless you've lived with it, you can have no idea how difficult and demoralising it is trying to cope with an elderly, incontinent animal. You spend your life trying to clean up and your heart plummets whenever you find another damp patch. You get to the point where you dread going downstairs in the morning because you know what you will find. Your house starts to stink. You feel resentful of the animal, and then you feel constant guilt because you know it isn't his fault. If you have tried all options and sought the vets advice, and nothing can be done, I don't think you can be judged for putting the animal to sleep.

I think the 'would you rehome your children' comments are very upsetting Please don't let it upset you. They are horrible comments.
Do what is best and fair for all the family.

OP you sound at your wits end. Ignore the morons and their ridiculous comments about kids v cats.

As some of the more sensible posts have said, your cat is more likely to be PTS than be rehomed. However if you cannot cope, have tried everything, the cat is miserable and the vet thinks there is no treatment then it truly would be the kindest thing to do

@gallgal I'm sorry you've had such rubbish answers from people! Along with some sound suggestions. I have a disabled child and it's very hard work. Luckily mainly our animals enhance our lives but sometimes I'd like to throw them all into the garden and lock the door. Talk to your vet. If there isn't a reasonably easy fix it may be best to put him to sleep. It will be tough but he's had a great life and now is unhappy ( I thunk). I do wk dear if more tests might be good, your vet may not appreciate how bad it is for him/you. If you do have him pts please don't feel guilty

'I'd get a second opinion on dementia tbh.

It really really sounds like stress associated with your children. You could try having 2 cat litter trays, with 'worlds best' cat litter. '

Started 2 years ago so very likely

The vet 'thinks it's dementia' is hardly a diagnosis

But a great cop out

I think the 'would you rehome your children' comments are very upsetting Please don't let it upset you. They are horrible comments

Agree. They are talking out of their arse. One of my friends lost a child (at age 6) and to compare what she went through losing her kid to what its like losing a fcking cat is deeply and horribly offensive and those people can just fck right off. My friend has cats too but the grief and utter devastation she went through at losing her child is not remotely comparable to what its like losing a cat. Stop comparing pets to children. Anyone with children knows full well they aren't the bloody same.

I also wonder what sort of parent would hesitate to prioritize their children 's wellbeing over that of their pets. It is not OK for a child to live in a home which is constantly soaked in animal urine. Amazed that's news to anyone.