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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome him?

318 replies

gallgal · 03/02/2020 20:08

Our male cat, that is? He's 13, and we've had him since he was a kitten. In the last two years his spraying has got so out of hand that we are now in the situation where he is soiling absolutely any object made of fabric anywhere in our house.

We have two children, one is a toddler and the other, the five year old, is autistic. So we have lots of laundry, blankets, toys etc all over our house, and I do my best to pick up after them but I can't get everything put away.

Today I found he had pissed all over DS's pyjamas on his bedroom floor, all over a clean and folded pile of laundry on the sofa (that I hadn't had a chance to put away yet) and all over the rug in DD's room.

Vet has ruled out urinary tract infection and says it could be dementia(?!)

I can't live like this any more. I can't stay on top of all the spraying and laundry it generates. I'm utterly miserable.

AIBU to rehome the cat? He clearly hates it here anyway.

OP posts:
AuntieMarys · 04/02/2020 15:29

moonface well said

DecemberSnow · 04/02/2020 15:34

You are not being unreasonable

Our cat has started doing this
She is 15...
Luckily she only does it , on two areas on the lino... We have started putting puppy pads down in those two areas.
But if she started peeing everywhere, carpets etc, i dont know what we would do.
It would be hard.

I have no advice for you OP. But ignore the people here, they wouldn't happily put up with it, if it was happening to them

stuffingball · 04/02/2020 15:40

I should name change for this but fuck it. We did exactly what you did OP. It nearly broke us tbh.

Pre kids I was on the "how can you give up your pet they are family" camp, and I had our cat for years before kids came along. Then I had 2 dc close together and the peeing on everything ramped right up. It was unbearable, we were miserable and always on edge/watching and sniffing everything/listening for the tell tale scratching noise. We tried the vets but nothing was found.

In the end I sent away to a rescue where they already had a home lined up. It was heartbreaking and to be honest with you I'm still very upset now because I just wonder where they are and if they are happy, and if they understand what happened or if they think of us. But I just know even now I couldn't continue living like that.

It is hard, but at the end of the day you've got to do what you've got to do. All these judgers on here would do exactly the same in your position. It's easy to say you won't when you haven't experienced it.

Alsohuman · 04/02/2020 15:48

Not sure it’s justified speaking to someone like that because they disagree with your choice

In this instance it was entirely justified.

mantarays · 04/02/2020 15:56

Alsohuman:

Clearly I don’t think so.

mencken · 04/02/2020 16:31

it is a cat. Not a human being. It is quite probably demented and miserable.

luckily, because it is a cat and not a human being, it does not have to continue to suffer. And nor do you.

have it humanely euthanased. No-one else is going to take this on - except possibly all those who say 'don't do it' who have no doubt PM'd you to offer to rehome it.

like hell they have...

Vilanelle · 04/02/2020 16:47

OP I sympathise with you. My cat is only 6 but does this. He has been neutered and has access to a litter tray (and outside).

Vets state nothing wrong physically with him but he will piss in my dogs bed (every single day I have to wash it) and on dirty laundry, once on clean laundry.

It gets me down so so much. The smell is vile so anything he pees on has to go on a long hot wash.

Dieu · 04/02/2020 16:50

Hi OP. I wouldn't be able to put up with this either.
I would confine him to outdoors and one (hard-floored) room.

Dieu · 04/02/2020 16:51

Aah, so sorry OP. Have just read that containing him is impossible. Sad

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/02/2020 17:43

Oliver - maybe you can step up and take on this furry piss machine then? Do the right thing here. You won't kind your clothes being urine soaked three times a day will you? And if so, why

Because like I have said before I would actually find out what is wrong and in the meantime I would have him in a nappy

Not only look at one thing and if it isn’t that then throw the towel in.

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/02/2020 17:44

And yes I have homed cats that others couldn’t be bothered finding out what actually was wrong

helpmum2003 · 04/02/2020 17:51

OP i would have your cat PTS and I'm sorry some PP have been so cruel.

OpportunityKnocks · 04/02/2020 17:51

For those who have said not to put kitty in a sanctuary, I am in Cat rescue and the sanctuarys I know of are wonderful and the people who run them know what they are doing when they integrate them.

OP you are doing the right thing. I hope you have a lovely sanctuary lined up xx

YappityYapYap · 04/02/2020 18:28

Don't listen to the rehoming a child comments OP. Of course your children come first. It doesn't mean you don't love your cat but your children do come first and we all know that.

There's some good suggestions to try but sane people won't advise you to just put up with it or get your kids adopted and keep the cat 😣

itsallamysterytome · 04/02/2020 18:51

We have three cats and one of them started weeing indoors two years ago. We love him dearly and tried all the usual calming methods, trips to vets etc.

Then we found out that a new cat had moved in three or four houses down and he was bullying ours mercilessly. You would think that there being three of them they might gang up but no, not a chance.

Nothing like that going on op?

P.S you can train some cats to use the toilet apparently, we are giving it a go.

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 04/02/2020 18:56

Sorry stupid one but is he getting enough running clean water? Mine wasn't and pissed on bed. I got a cat water fountain and she stopped. Just giving my experience.

Arfarfarf · 04/02/2020 18:56

It always baffles me that there are so many people who feel threatened and attacked by those who care deeply for their animals. It's one thing not understanding and being incapable of loving and protect a different/weaker species, it's quite another calling those who are lucky enough to feel that pure, unique kind of love for a beloved pet, feral nut jobs.

Vanhi · 04/02/2020 19:05

Can’t the cat live out a retirement life in a self contained little shelter area being looked after by a charity? Isn’t that preferable to death?

Not necessarily. I don't really get the 'life at any cost' suggestions. Cats are highly territorial. And a 'self-contained little shelter' might sound ideal, but would you want to live in one for years and years, possibly surrounded by the smell of your own piss?

@Greyhound22 IMO you did the right thing. A horse or pony with behavioural issues you cannot get to the bottom of can very easily be passed around to some dreadful homes. Maybe there was a physical cause you couldn't discover. Maybe it was a mental injury that could not be fixed. Either way, an animal that is safely euthanized is free from pain and safe.

OP I would get another vet check. I know the vet has ruled out a UTI but could it be diabetes? Or Cushing's? That's rare in cats but does cause excessive and uncontrolled peeing. I think for your own peace of mind try to find out more about a possible cause for the peeing. Ask friends and family if anyone wants an outdoor cat, or a cat they can confine to one room and outdoors - my house means I could do this. If not, then the shelter you suggested, or PTS. And yes, your children are more important than the cat. Sorry, they just are.

Alsohuman · 04/02/2020 19:06

It always baffles me that there are so many people who feel threatened and attacked by those who care deeply for their animals. It's one thing not understanding and being incapable of loving and protect a different/weaker species, it's quite another calling those who are lucky enough to feel that pure, unique kind of love for a beloved pet, feral nut jobs

Loving your animal doesn’t mean keeping it alive at all costs when its quality of life has gone. Nor does it mean assaulting its dignity by putting it in nappies.

Loving your animal means putting its needs before your own. Our much loved Scottish terrier was cuddled as he was pts last year because he had an aggressive liver tumour which was obviously making him miserable. We declined the vet’s suggested interventions because they would be for our benefit (and the vet’s), not the dog’s.

I have no respect for anyone who keeps an animal alive when its life is no longer pleasurable. That’s selfishness, not love.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 04/02/2020 19:08

It always baffles me that there are so many people who feel threatened and attacked by those who care deeply for their animals

There is a gulf between caring for animals and doing your level best to provide them with a good home, and as a previous poster claimed, loving them just as much as your children. Sorry, but that is insanity.

I actually doubt anyone who is suggesting that this cat be forced to continue living in a sadly unsuitable environment while wearing a fucking cat nappy has the animal’s quality of life at heart.

myself2020 · 04/02/2020 19:08

To be honest, i would put him
down. we had to put obe of our dogs down for similar reasons (fecal incontinence), but it was just impossible to live with

Vanhi · 04/02/2020 19:09

It's one thing not understanding and being incapable of loving and protect a different/weaker species, it's quite another calling those who are lucky enough to feel that pure, unique kind of love for a beloved pet, feral nut jobs.

My horse and I are so closely connected that she will alter her pace if I change the way I breath. And if my boyfriend's daughter and my horse were somehow both caught up in a fire, I'd get the child out first every time. I love everything about that horse. I'd still prioritise the welfare of a human child over her. Fortunately, it's rarely a binary choice and you can usually work out a way round these problems.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 04/02/2020 19:21

You can't put a cat in a nappy fgs. I've heard it all now.

BerryKerry76 · 04/02/2020 19:32

Well you could, just like they do with dogs or female dogs, it isn't a terrible idea, just a suggestion

Jennywren2978 · 04/02/2020 19:34

I'd look into getting cat nappies. They are a thing. Made for old incontinent cats and those with medical problems causing incontinence. I'd also get a second opinion from a vet just to make sure there is nothing that's been missed. I have and old cat and I don't think I could re home her or have her pts unless she was definitely in pain or quality of life in steep decline.

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