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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome him?

318 replies

gallgal · 03/02/2020 20:08

Our male cat, that is? He's 13, and we've had him since he was a kitten. In the last two years his spraying has got so out of hand that we are now in the situation where he is soiling absolutely any object made of fabric anywhere in our house.

We have two children, one is a toddler and the other, the five year old, is autistic. So we have lots of laundry, blankets, toys etc all over our house, and I do my best to pick up after them but I can't get everything put away.

Today I found he had pissed all over DS's pyjamas on his bedroom floor, all over a clean and folded pile of laundry on the sofa (that I hadn't had a chance to put away yet) and all over the rug in DD's room.

Vet has ruled out urinary tract infection and says it could be dementia(?!)

I can't live like this any more. I can't stay on top of all the spraying and laundry it generates. I'm utterly miserable.

AIBU to rehome the cat? He clearly hates it here anyway.

OP posts:
WeHaveSnowdrops · 04/02/2020 09:59

Good news, OP. Ignore the crazies on this thread.

Canklesforankles · 04/02/2020 10:00

I’m sorry you’ve been given a hard time gall

It sounds like you have found a solution and are not taken the difficult decision at all lightly which shows what a caring responsible pet owner you are and always have been.

dancingfeathers · 04/02/2020 10:06

Glad you have a plan OP.

It's only a cat.

PP there is no such thing as only a cat. Pets are important.

Original poster
gallgal · 04/02/2020 10:08

He's not only a cat to us. We rescued him as a tiny kitten who had been found in an alleyway in North London. He slept on our bed every night. He isn't as central to our lives any more, no, but we weren't reckoning on having a disabled child. He's been loved and warm and cared for.

OP posts:
6demandingchildren · 04/02/2020 10:16

I have also been in your shoes op and it's very depressing as you just can't keep up with keeping everything clean and hygienic. We took the option of having our pet pts. On the day we saw a different vet who felt a tumour next to the bladder and that cemented our decision.
I think you have to be in this position to really fully understand how horrible it is.

WeHaveSnowdrops · 04/02/2020 10:22

I meant it's only a cat not a human. I should have thought that was obvious

AllHeart1 · 04/02/2020 10:36

I’m not blaming the OP, but I do wish people would think before they take on that healthy, cute, springy kitten or puppy, that one day, unless it’s unlucky, it WILL be infirm and its “behaviour” (condition of health) WILL deteriorate, just like a person’s would. If you can’t handle that, don’t buy it! or that when they take on that healthy, cute, springy kitten or puppy their health will deteriorate one day and they will likely have to make the decision to put that animal to sleep.

It’s not remotely comparable to humans because with animals we do have the ability to be able to say that actually, their health Has deteriorated to the point they no longer have any quality of life and so the kindest thing to do is to let them go. Whereas with people when their quality of life drops we battle on and on and on to keep them alive even though it would be better for them not to be. I’ve heard it say of someone with a progressive illness such as MD or dementia that we wouldn’t put an animal through that and question whether euthanasia has a place in human society.

Urkiddingright · 04/02/2020 10:41

YANBU at all OP, I was in this situation a couple of years ago albeit a much younger cat. The cat I had was exactly the same as yours, it sprayed or even did a full piss on absolutely everything. Destroyed carpets, rugs, door mats, bath mats, bedding, curtains, DC’s clothes and toys plus started to pee on wires so could’ve been dangerous. I took it to the vets numerous times and they were very little help. I tried catnip, lots of feliway products, different litter trays and litters and having a few litter trays in the house. I was pregnant at the time and I just couldn’t deal with it, felt like the house constantly smelt like a litter tray. I rehomed him, I think it was the kindest thing to do.

My cat was only 3 though, I think you may struggle with an elderly cat and might be looking at euthanasia.

MatildaTheCat · 04/02/2020 11:56

I feel your pain as I have a very old cat who has recently started peeing in the house. The smell is absolutely vile. I’m mostly able to close doors and encourage her to use the litter tray if she won’t go outdoors. Yet just this morning I found a wet patch on the floor. Last week I had to have a section of carpet underlay replaced and professional cleaners in which cost roughly £200 for just one area.

My SIL has a cat with a more similar profile to yours and the vet has prescribed feline Prozac which has really helped. I’d ask to try that if over the counter remedies don’t help.

In the meantime can you confine him to a small part of your house and keep him comfortable there? It’s pretty much what he will have in a cat rescue centre I guess?

Myshitisreal · 04/02/2020 12:09

I'm really upset reading this thread. Op hope you're able to keep your chin up and ignore the heart wrenching nasty comments. My old dear cat lived to 23 and took to using her area of choice for pees/poops. We put up with it a long time, and just came downstairs one day and she could barely walk. We had her pts the next day. I'll never forget my husband slept on the living room floor with her her last night, and the other 2 joined in solidarity ♥ I'm glad to hear you have options. Sending 🤗 because it's very clear (to a cat obsessive) that you're doing your absolute best by this 😺.

Greyhound22 · 04/02/2020 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 04/02/2020 12:32

Greyhound22

Don't let twats get to you. You 100% did the right thing with a dangerous animal. Your conscience is clear.

Brazi103 · 04/02/2020 12:40

Yanbu, your child and your MH comes first before a beloved pet. The constant laundry would decide for me. you cannot live like that.

Booboostwo · 04/02/2020 12:54

OP it's difficult to see the wood for the trees with this thread, but don't forget to ask your vet about Prozac/fluoxetine. It has really good results with inappropriate urination in cats. It would be a very cheap and easy solution to your problems.

separatebeds · 04/02/2020 13:19

A move to the cat sanctuary at this age could be incredibly stressful for him...... Would be kinder to take responsibility, like you have for his whole happy life so far and have him PTS in the comfort of his familiar surroundings.

mantarays · 04/02/2020 13:28

Greyhound22

Not sure it’s justified speaking to someone like that because they disagree with your choice.

Maryann1975 · 04/02/2020 13:33

Op, you have had a hard time on here and I don’t think you deserved it at all.

An unpopular opinion but I do find the attitude of 'life at all costs and for as long as possible' very odd.
It isn’t unpopular with me. Having seen several family members struggling through their last weeks, I wish their was the option to put people out of their misery when their time Is nearly done and their quality of life has deteriorated past any recognition of what they once had.

Op, I can’t believe Some are saying to put him in a shelter. We all know he won’t be rehomed, older cats very rarely get picked. To those who are saying he would be happy, I don’t think my cat would be. She is used to sleeping on beds, coming and going as she pleases, a bit of a fuss when she wants it, a knee to sit on in the evening. Human company through the day. There would be none of that, even in a good shelter.

FWIW, my last cats, one died when he was 12 and the other was 14. Siblings. I guess they didn’t have the old age genes. Nothing really wrong with them until very near the end, it was just their time. (Boy cat did have urinary issues as a young cat, caused by stress though, so I do know how hard it is to go through this- and that was before we had dc. I can’t imagine trying to keep a clean floor when you have dc playing on it and a cat trying to wee everywhere). Girl cat was pts, as recommended by the vets.

I’m sure you love your cat very much, but you are up against it at the moment and I get why you don’t feel you can keep going the way things are at the moment.

Go back to the vets and explain your difficulties. See if they suggest anything else and if not, I don’t think YANU to consider PTS as an option.

mantarays · 04/02/2020 13:36

Op, I can’t believe Some are saying to put him in a shelter. We all know he won’t be rehomed, older cats very rarely get picked. To those who are saying he would be happy, I don’t think my cat would be. She is used to sleeping on beds, coming and going as she pleases, a bit of a fuss when she wants it, a knee to sit on in the evening. Human company through the day. There would be none of that, even in a good shelter.

^^ This.

A cage in a shelter would be a crappy and undignified end for an animal who has been part of your family for 13 years.

GoodbyeRosie · 04/02/2020 13:39

This cat is not equal to a child. It doesn’t have any concept of mortality, the future or hopes and dreams. OP will not be dashing his hopes for a cat-retirement on the south coast by looking at PTS

The truth of this made me smile, as we often give much more intelligence, personality and humanity to our pets.

I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye to your cat, to have him put to sleep. Your current situation is untenable and you can't relegate him to an outdoor cat, he doesn't deserve that . PTS is the kindest option.

Pardonwhat · 04/02/2020 13:45

Greyhound22

I’ve done exactly the same thing as you in the past. You made the right choice.

peanutbuttermarmite · 04/02/2020 14:33

@gallgal glad you’ve had good advice from the shelter - none of us can say for sure whether op’s 13 year old cat will adapt or not. It’s clear that it’s an untenable situation, and the children come first, you’ve done the best you can.

vegvegveg · 04/02/2020 14:40

I love cats but in this situation I'd PTS

LolaDarkdestroyer · 04/02/2020 15:17

Also 13 isn't really that old for a cat which makes me think he's stressed. As I said my cat is 13 and she still plays Chase with the dog(both ways) and plays with toys etc....apart from the random pissing she shoes no sign of old age still has a beautiful coat, perfect size. I know how frustrating the piss is as I'm living it myself but I couldn't justify putting to sleep unless I knew she was in pain I couldn't live with myself.

Sickofrain · 04/02/2020 15:21

Don't rehome him, have him put to sleep if he is impossible to live with. Living with a spraying cat is not fair on you OP, but no one is going to want a 13 year old spraying cat with possible dementia. If you've tried all medical/ environmental options (I haven't read every post), then you've done all you can.

AuntieMarys · 04/02/2020 15:26

Our cat got like this at 14....dementia and peeing everywhere. We had her PTS

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