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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome him?

318 replies

gallgal · 03/02/2020 20:08

Our male cat, that is? He's 13, and we've had him since he was a kitten. In the last two years his spraying has got so out of hand that we are now in the situation where he is soiling absolutely any object made of fabric anywhere in our house.

We have two children, one is a toddler and the other, the five year old, is autistic. So we have lots of laundry, blankets, toys etc all over our house, and I do my best to pick up after them but I can't get everything put away.

Today I found he had pissed all over DS's pyjamas on his bedroom floor, all over a clean and folded pile of laundry on the sofa (that I hadn't had a chance to put away yet) and all over the rug in DD's room.

Vet has ruled out urinary tract infection and says it could be dementia(?!)

I can't live like this any more. I can't stay on top of all the spraying and laundry it generates. I'm utterly miserable.

AIBU to rehome the cat? He clearly hates it here anyway.

OP posts:
Jojo19834 · 03/02/2020 20:38

When did this start? Were there any major changes that occurred that have made him unsettled?

Sounds like he is an indoor cat, can he be allowed out? He may find happiness in the world outside and, you never know, find himself a happy new home without you having to have him put to sleep. That’s if he is miserable he will find himself somewhere, dementia maybe not

Theonewiththecat · 03/02/2020 20:38

Has he been neutered?
It sounds like a very stressful situation.

SunOnAll · 03/02/2020 20:38

Honestly - I wouldn't judge you for having him PTS, OP. It would be kinder than giving him up to re-home him, which wouldn't be fair. The cat is old, has dementia and isn't happy, and it's causing you a lot of stress.

You've tried all you can, you're not a bad person at all. It's easy to give advice but must be hard to be coping with, day in, day out. Flowers

Basilandparsleyandmint · 03/02/2020 20:38

I have a 19 year old act and she has dementia so totally feel for you. Everyday I come down to a wee a floor and poo near the cat littler tray. Every day I clean it up. She has been like this for over a year and I am fed up too.
So I have given her the conservatory and a comfy few chairs and a floor that can be cleaned. It’s not ideal but I can’t bring myself to have her put down at her age and no one will want her either plus I love her to bits. What I am tying to say for your sanity is their an area you can easily clean and make up for her that doesn’t allow her free access to all your home but make him comfortable and cared for too?

TheSoapyFrog · 03/02/2020 20:39

Realistically this cat isn't going to be rehomed, he will be euthanised. Would you still be happy giving him away knowing that?
That being said, I can sympathise, I don't think I could bear it either.
Can you get a second opinion from a vet? There must be something they can do.

Whenthepawn · 03/02/2020 20:39

Please consult an animal behaviourist as suggested above. If that doesn’t work and you won’t keep him please at least have the kindness to have him pts in his own home surrounded by the people and things he loves. Don’t send him off to live in a cage at his age (he’s very unlikely to ever be rehomed), can you imagine how frightening and disorientating that would be?

Originalusernameunavailable · 03/02/2020 20:39

I think the responses you have had are mostly harsh OP.

I am currently going through the torture of awaiting my dog being PTS and one of this ailments is incontinence. I feel your pain.

I doubt rehoming your cat will be possible. Realistically it might be kinder to take him to the vet and explain your situation and take advice from them?

crimsonlake · 03/02/2020 20:40

I know where you are coming from and I sympathise.
My elderly cat who is no longer with us did this for the last few years of her life. She would spray up curtains, even though she was a girl. On the side of the settee, along books on the bookcase and on bags. I used to despair, especially when the patio doors were open and she could easily go outside.
I am sorry I have no solution. Despite all this I could not have her put down, although at it's worst I threatened to. She was one of my sons cat's from childhood. She had to be watched constantly, long curtains tied up out of the way, no bags etc left on the floor. I can imagine all this being impossible with small children.

anon2000000000 · 03/02/2020 20:40

With cat dementia, his age, his spraying, I would honestly be looking at having him pts.

FoxRedBitch · 03/02/2020 20:41

Have you discussed this problem with the vet? It could be a urine infection or similar.

Does he go outside?

Flufferbum · 03/02/2020 20:43

Could you retain him
To a certain area of the house? I.e the kitchen? Taking him out on walks for more exercise? Though not ideal it is much better imo than rehoming him?

DontCallMeShitley · 03/02/2020 20:43

He is telling you something is wrong.

The problem is working out what is wrong. He might be feeling ill, may be constipated as that upsets the bladder, a full bowel will press on the bladder. He might be stressed by something or someone in the house, a person, a smell, something that has changed.

There are sanctuaries that take pets that would otherwise be PTS, please try to find one for him. A sanctuary where they live their life to the end without being PTS unless they are really ill, not a rescue centre.

Has he had full geriatric bloods done recently and a check up? He is at the age where he could have kidney disease or be diabetic.

ByAppointmentTo · 03/02/2020 20:43

You've had some very harsh replies OP. It must be intolerable living like this.

As a PP commented could you set him up outside in a shed or garage with a cat flap so he can come and go as he wants? You could make it warm and cosy for him with a heated bed or heat lamp. If you spend time each day fussing him he may even be happier out there.

Ruddle91 · 03/02/2020 20:43

I could not cope with this in my house. Outdoor cat run maybe?

Jumpingforgin · 03/02/2020 20:44

I completely get it op, we have a similar situation with our elderly dog right now. We love him to bits, and he's been a huge part of our lives for the past 14 years, but my children's health has to come first, so if the constant soiling worsens, we will make the heartwrenching decision to PTS. If your vet has ruled out medical/physical issues, then it sounds like it's a mental deterioration or age related, and will likely worsen over time. It doesn't mean you don't love and care for your pet, but your families health and mental well-being shouldn't suffer to prolong the life of an aging animal. It sounds like you've tried alot of different avenues to get to the bottom of this, to no avail, don't be hard on yourself. What's right for your family is what matters. The only other advise I would give would be to try shutting him outside for extended periods of the day to encourage him to empty his bladder outside of the home. Doing this for a week or so may retrain his brain to go outside when he needs to. Also, ensure what you're cleaning up with is ammonia/bleach free, as the smell of ammonia will encourage cats to continually mark/wee in the same places.

Tombliwho · 03/02/2020 20:45

OP you're not allowed to have issues with your pet making your life miserable on MN.
People haven't even read your post where you have said you have seen the vet.
You cannot have an animal spraying all over your home and your children's stuff. That's disgusting and a hazard to them.
I have pets, I take care of them, I would take every necessary step to help them if they developed a problem. If that failed I would not tolerate this or force my poor children to tolerate it.
Being blunt, he will not be rehomed at his age and with his problems. You would be looking at putting to sleep if you do choose to do something.

Polly111 · 03/02/2020 20:45

I think it would be kinder to have him pts rather than try to rehome him if you’re at the end of your tether with it. I’d see if the vet has any other advice but at 13 his health is likely to start deteriorating further now anyway.

undercoveraessedai · 03/02/2020 20:45

Oh this made me cry. Please don't give him away to end his days in a shelter cage, he will be lost and confused and frightened :'( I agree with previous posters, try a cat behaviourist and get a second opinion from the vet, and if that doesn't work then let him go peacefully at home, in familiar surroundings with his humans. I understand you must be at the end of your tether, but he's only ever known you as his family and it would be beyond cruel to send him away where he's highly unlikely to ever find another home. Sending you Flowers as this sounds incredibly hard x

Laiste · 03/02/2020 20:48

Self heating cat house.

homeandroost.co.uk/product/cat-kennel-microchip-self-heating-cat-kennel-one-way-privacy-window/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwJ6nkaC25wIVSrTtCh0vaQXvEAkYBiABEgIQGvD_BwE

You could throw extra covers over it in the coldest weather. And weigh them down. A lightweight tarpaulin ect.

separatebeds · 03/02/2020 20:50

It sounds like you have tried a lot of options. Don't re home him.

I think you should have him put to sleep.

Canklesforankles · 03/02/2020 20:50

Bless you op. That sounds overwhelming.
Maybe try some of the sensible suggestions- extra litter trays, keeping him in smaller part of house etc and go back to vet if no improvement.
IMO it is much kinder to PTS than put him in a rescue centre at his age. He’s not a great candidate for rehoming so why put him through all that suffering and stress?

popsydoodle4444 · 03/02/2020 20:51

A lot of are being unduly harsh.

I'm huge animal lover but the cat is poorly and clearly unhappy.I don't think a behaviourist is going to be able to help a degenerative neurological condition.The poor thing is likely to get worse.

@gallgal please consider contacting someone like the cats protection league.

AllHeart1 · 03/02/2020 20:51

People are comparing rehoming a cat to rehoming a child? Seriously? Hmm.

Quite aside from the judgements I think that what you need to think is that if he has dementia to the point he is now incontinent and unaware of where/when he’s going then he realistically has no quality of life anyway,and for that alone I would have him put to sleep.

drinkygin · 03/02/2020 20:56

I sympathise with the situation you’re in, but this comes with the territory of having an elderly pet. Agreed with @CarolinaPink surely you must have a bond with him? A rescue would really struggle to regime him as this age.

CakeandCustard28 · 03/02/2020 20:56

I would put him to sleep. Kindest thing to do. If it’s dementia he’s only going to get worse, and you’d find it very hard to find a new home for him with his problems. He’s had a good life, 13 isn’t a bad age.

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