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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome him?

318 replies

gallgal · 03/02/2020 20:08

Our male cat, that is? He's 13, and we've had him since he was a kitten. In the last two years his spraying has got so out of hand that we are now in the situation where he is soiling absolutely any object made of fabric anywhere in our house.

We have two children, one is a toddler and the other, the five year old, is autistic. So we have lots of laundry, blankets, toys etc all over our house, and I do my best to pick up after them but I can't get everything put away.

Today I found he had pissed all over DS's pyjamas on his bedroom floor, all over a clean and folded pile of laundry on the sofa (that I hadn't had a chance to put away yet) and all over the rug in DD's room.

Vet has ruled out urinary tract infection and says it could be dementia(?!)

I can't live like this any more. I can't stay on top of all the spraying and laundry it generates. I'm utterly miserable.

AIBU to rehome the cat? He clearly hates it here anyway.

OP posts:
Porcupineinwaiting · 04/02/2020 08:12

And that's not a go at you OP, I get you're in a difficult position. Just a bit gobsmacked at all the "cat was there first" brigade.

Original poster
gallgal · 04/02/2020 08:15

No offence taken @porcupineinwaiting - I'm of the same mind myself

OP posts:
wanilamorty · 04/02/2020 08:21

OP, I know others have said it already but just wanted to chime in and add that I'm so sorry you've had such bizarrely negative comments. You sound like a really responsible pet owner and no parent in their right mind would be prioritising a pet over their children.

Sharonthetotallyinsane · 04/02/2020 08:22

PTS

Greyhound22 · 04/02/2020 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fiftiesmum · 04/02/2020 08:26

Also you don't own a cat it owns you

Noconceptofnormal · 04/02/2020 08:28

Hi OP, I have a lot of sympathy as it's obviously a very difficult situation.

Here's what I'd do.

  • do you have a sympathetic parent or friend who could have your cat for a month of two to break the cycle? If they have a kitchen they can shut off they could keep the cat in there to contain the wees try and retrain with the litter tray? In the meantime deep clean the areas he weed in and iluse those animal sprays.
  • I'd then get an animal behaviourist in and then follow their advice to start afresh.

Then I'd give it 6 months to try and really make it work.

If it still doesn't after all of that then I think with a clear conscience I think you can say you've really tried. I would look into small charities, that may specialise in old / senile animals as very kind people do exist who will try and give animals like this a second chance.

Good luck.

Flylilly · 04/02/2020 08:32

Vet husband says try cystophan 1 capsule once a day, can be sprinkled over food, widely available without prescription. If that doesn't,t work try zylkene. Both excellent for stress related pee/spray issues. Certainly helped our cat enormously. I feel your pain- good luck

M0onFace · 04/02/2020 08:33

What a load of absolute nutters on this thread. And as for those asking if there is a relative who could take the cat ... are you serious? What sane person takes on a cat that pisses literally everywhere?

Maybe some of you hand wringers could offer to take it and have your house used as a giant litter tray? Or do some of you live in such filth that cat piss would hardly register with you?

OP - I'd have the cat put down if you can't restrict his access to a single room with a feliway plugged in and regularly popping him outside in the hope he will go outside. In the meantime, try buying a large pen to pop him in when and where you can. Cats do not like to be created as such but I don't see how you can have him pissing on everything as it's so unhygienic

TARSCOUT · 04/02/2020 08:37

Actually @moonface my MIL was just the type to take cat cat like that! Not incomprehensible idea. Personally thought if its dementia kindest thing is PTS.

M0onFace · 04/02/2020 08:38

Well your MIL clearly hasn't got an issue with a cat pissing as it feels everywhere. Most people have.

Fairymad · 04/02/2020 08:45

Having had a cat with feline dementia it is only going to get worse as he deteriorates, if you send him to a shelter for rehoming it will distress him immensely, realistically I would be talking to the vet about what they think the most humane option would be.
Before mine passed away (at home in familiar surroundings) he would get lost leaving one room for another so would forget where his litter tray was, it wasn't a case of p'ing where he felt, he couldn't help it.

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/02/2020 08:56

I've had an animal pts that possibly could have been rehomed - had offers even - got a bit of stick as he was young - but his behaviour meant that I could never guarantee he wouldn't be passed around and end up in a good home. I now always know what happened to him

That is the most narcissistic and controlling thing I have read

You can’t look after your cat so no one else is capable.

If people think some people are nutters to want to actually find a solution to the problem then there are “nutters” on both sides

PTS is an easy solution.

If you aren’t willing to find out what is wrong then maybe you shouldn’t have pets.

The vet needs to find out what else it could be.

UTI isn’t the only thing that could be wrong.

Yes I have had cats who started to pee everywhere but we worked with our vet and our cat and found the problem and fixed it so cats could live happily with us for the rest of their lives

PTS is when there is no cure, the animal is in pain and the animal has no quality of life and it is only going to get worse.

Not because a pet you have taken on becomes an inconvenience

Mistystar99 · 04/02/2020 08:59

No way I would tolerate cat piss everywhere. Rehome OP.

Sooverthemill · 04/02/2020 09:01

Not because a pet you have taken on becomes an inconvenience

What a shitty thing to say! She clearly doesn't think it's an 'inconvenience'. It's because it's behaviour is now completely incompatible with her family. She is trying hard to work out how to resolve it

M0onFace · 04/02/2020 09:04

Oliver - maybe you can step up and take on this furry piss machine then? Do the right thing here. You won't kind your clothes being urine soaked three times a day will you? And if so, why?

12345ct · 04/02/2020 09:25

I like cats but couldn't cope with your situation and it doesn't sound like he will get any better just worse. Do what's best for yourself and your family. I would have him put to sleep.

fairlyplump · 04/02/2020 09:28

Evan as a massive animal lover, I find myself saying have him put to sleep, who is going to want a elderly cat , with dementia that pees and poops everywhere. Thinking of you xx

AngelsWithSilverWings · 04/02/2020 09:38

I had a cat like this. He was only 8 but suddenly seemed to have lost control of his bladder. We tried everything but one day we found him curled up fast asleep wetting himself and realised there was nothing we could do to stop it.

We had no kids at the time so just got on with it ,but there's no way I could do that now. We were actually thinking of sending him to a relative's farm to live out his days but just couldn't bring ourselves to actually do it.

One day ,within 6 months of the problem starting , he went out to sunbath in the garden and never woke up. It was such a relief to me honest and we were pleased that he died peacefully in his sleep.

It does sound like putting him to sleep is the best option if the vet can really offer no alternative treatment. I'm a huge cat lover but I think you have to be realistic and realise that this cat can't be rehomed..

Ponoka7 · 04/02/2020 09:40

"The vet needs to find out what else it could be."

The cat is 13, it's at the end of it's life. We don't know what happens in a cats brain when it has dementia, but if it's anything like what happens to a human, it will start to live in misery.

This is the same ethical argument about keeping the likes of Charlie Gard and Alfie Evans alive (for those on this thread that think as this in human terms).
Because we feed and keep our animals away from what would kill them, just as breathing equipment keeps humans alive.

Who is it benefitting from keeping this cat alive? Cats are really resistant to pneumonia, most other species, in old age, would get a bout of it and die. The cat could live for another two years, in absolute distress.

How is that the best thing for anyone?

DrManhattan · 04/02/2020 09:41

Hope you are ok. Dont take all the meanness to heart.

JRUIN · 04/02/2020 09:44

Vet husband says try cystophan 1 capsule once a day, can be sprinkled over food, widely available without prescription. If that doesn't,t work try zylkene. Both excellent for stress related pee/spray issues. Certainly helped our cat enormously. I feel your pain- good luck

Hey @Flylilly would this also work for my elderly dogs ? If so where can I buy from please?

Original poster
gallgal · 04/02/2020 09:51

I will try Cystophan for a month.

Local cat sanctuary says they can take him in a couple of weeks time, so if the cystophan doesn't work he can go there. They will not put him to sleep, they say he can live out his time there. They were very kind and understanding.

OP posts:
WeHaveSnowdrops · 04/02/2020 09:58

@Oliversmumsarmy

That is the most narcissistic and controlling thing I have read

No it isn't. Daft thing to say. It's only a cat. It's old and ill but you seem to think you know better than the vet. Put your ego away you are embarrassing yourself.

I hope you realise how ridiculous you sounded in that post.

mantarays · 04/02/2020 09:59

I’m not blaming the OP, but I do wish people would think before they take on that healthy, cute, springy kitten or puppy, that one day, unless it’s unlucky, it WILL be infirm and its “behaviour” (condition of health) WILL deteriorate, just like a person’s would. If you can’t handle that, don’t buy it!

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