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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome him?

318 replies

gallgal · 03/02/2020 20:08

Our male cat, that is? He's 13, and we've had him since he was a kitten. In the last two years his spraying has got so out of hand that we are now in the situation where he is soiling absolutely any object made of fabric anywhere in our house.

We have two children, one is a toddler and the other, the five year old, is autistic. So we have lots of laundry, blankets, toys etc all over our house, and I do my best to pick up after them but I can't get everything put away.

Today I found he had pissed all over DS's pyjamas on his bedroom floor, all over a clean and folded pile of laundry on the sofa (that I hadn't had a chance to put away yet) and all over the rug in DD's room.

Vet has ruled out urinary tract infection and says it could be dementia(?!)

I can't live like this any more. I can't stay on top of all the spraying and laundry it generates. I'm utterly miserable.

AIBU to rehome the cat? He clearly hates it here anyway.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/02/2020 21:22

Some of the animal loving warriors on this thread clearly don’t like people. 2 years of cat pee especially in a house with young children is not sustainable. The OP has a child with ASD who will open doors and an open plan downstairs. How is she supposed to confine the cat?

Apart from the peeing have you noticed other changes?

areallthenamesusedup · 03/02/2020 21:23

Got nothing useful to say but this Flowers.
I think you have been so patient and kind.
Have you tried chatting to your vet. She/he may think PTS is an option but cautious about saying it in case of offence.
I just had to put ours down....car accident.....vet was pussy footing around (pardon the pun)....then I asked what she would do if it were her cat and she said without skipping a beat, PTS. Made it a lot easier for me.

busybarbara · 03/02/2020 21:23

I really feel for you. It is so difficult Flowers I would probably have him put down, he is not a young cat

NotALurker2 · 03/02/2020 21:25

He may be sensitive to scented products, like ours is. You probably changed your laundry detergent when you had kids. He may be spraying laundry because of that. Try using only unscented products. Also, our cat hates flowers.....basically anything with a strong scent.

Once i figured this out, our lives were a lot easier. I don't know how I put up with him for so long. He ruined several couches, mattresses, an entire closet full of shoes. I really hated him. I believe when you take in an animal, you're stuck with them, though, so I put up with it. I'm glad I finally figures him out. He's been a great pet for so many years since that disgusting time.

Your cat is 13. You really can't expect someone else to take on your problem by adopting him. It's not going to happen. You're stuck with him. The good news is, you can figure out what the problem is and fix it.

Itwasntme1 · 03/02/2020 21:25

Okay I’ll note. Your first post was devoid of any emotion towards your poor, elderly cat.

When you say rehome, you don’t mean rehome. You mean take to a shelter. Where he will probably live out his days.

So it might be kinder to put the old boy to sleep of this can’t be fixed. But please stay with him, Stoke him and tickle him behind his ear until he is gone.

He is your pet, your responsibility. I assume behind the cold posts you do love him, it’s just a bad day

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 03/02/2020 21:26

With a cat curled in my lap right now, I think the kindest solution would be to put him to sleep if the situation is intolerable. On the very rare occasion our girl has had a bad stomach and messed in the house (and she has actually gone in the bathroom - smart cat) she has been really distressed, cats are naturally clean animals. I think rehoming him is unlikely, and would be worse for the cat than euthanasia. That might sound horrible, and harsh, but if the cat can’t be helped medically, and has poor quality of life, allowing him a gentle and dignified death may be the kindest decision..

Innertwist · 03/02/2020 21:26

It's ok to decide to PTS if you feel that's the best thing to do for him ~ even though it's a hard decision when you have loved your cat for so long.

Making the right decision for him is part of the responsibility of having a pet in the first place. We all need to learn to let go - with pets & people. If I were him I'd probably want to be PTS too. Let him go with dignity & love. Flowers

Bartlet · 03/02/2020 21:26

Yeah. The crazy cat people earlier on this thread are nuts. What is the benefit to this cat being made to live in an obviously unhappy environment? There are many things that are worse than death in many situations for animals (and humans for that matter). Why this fetishisation of prolonging life in an miserable existence for cat and owner - who does that benefit?

ColumbaPalumbus · 03/02/2020 21:26

This happened to my mothers cat and they gave him cat antidepressants to chill him right out and that seemed to solve it for another few years. Maybe worth asking?

iswhois · 03/02/2020 21:28

Unless you have a specific friend or family member in mind to take him where you know he will get the love and care he needs it is kinder to have him PTS. I would never take an elderly animal to a shelter and to do so would be cruel.

Fr0g · 03/02/2020 21:29

@Lunde - once your cat is settled on his new diet, you can purchase online a lot cheaper than the vets surgery.
When I had a cat with kidney and thyroid disease, I used a site called VioVet. A veterinary director that I worked with at the time confirmed it wasn't a cowboy outfit with counterfeit rip off food, and my cat lived happily for about four years after diagnosis.
Her problems were diagnosed through a general geriatric blood test when she was about twelve.

RedRed9 · 03/02/2020 21:30

I 100% do not understand the PTS suggestions before the OP has even spoken to a rescue charity.

Can’t the cat live out a retirement life in a self contained little shelter area being looked after by a charity? Isn’t that preferable to death?

FizzyIce · 03/02/2020 21:30

He’s not “unhappy” he probably has dementia so doesn’t really know /isn’t aware of what he’s doing
He will either be in a shelter where he will be stressed out and upset for weeks or months and then put down OR you get him put down .
You can’t put a poor cat that old in a shelter

Honeyroar · 03/02/2020 21:30

I feel for you, but don’t think rehoming is the right idea. I think putting the cat to sleep wouldn’t be a bad thing if it has dementia. I bought the adjoining house to ours when the neighbour went into a home. I also took on his 16 yr old cat. For 18 months the cat peed everywhere (it always had with him). It peed on my dining room table, book shelf, kitchen units, bed - you name it. I was at my wits end. People suggested keeping her at our stables, but she had been an indoor cat all her life. In the end we had her quietly put to sleep in her own home. She never knew anything about it, she was just in her bed in front of the fire.

CatLover32 · 03/02/2020 21:32

I have been told not to use Dettol/Disinfectant as there is something in it that smells like cats' urine and they will keep urinating where they can smell Dettol because that is where they think is the right place.

AlexCrowe84 · 03/02/2020 21:33

I've only read the first page, but I'm shocked at some of the awful, nasty comments directed at OP.
Do what's right for you and your entire family, OP x

YouJustDoYou · 03/02/2020 21:33

I had my beloved little old dog for 20 years. At the end, he was shitting everywhere due to dementia etc. I had to confine him to certain areas of the house as we had a crawling 6 months old. But i could never have rehomed him. Never.

Lana1234 · 03/02/2020 21:34

Oh bless you OP I think your in a really difficult situation here and I'm sure it's heartbreaking for you after 13 years to have to think about re homing. I'm a self certified crazy cat lady. I have had cats my entire life, I have two now and also a two year old toddler. If I was in your position where a cat was causing that kind of mess and I had exhausted all options I would consider re homing. With the problems your cat has and the age though I think rehoming would be very difficult. If you can't find anything really suitable then it might be best for them to be pts. Really horrible situation to be in OP you have my heartfelt sympathies Flowers

FeckaDecka · 03/02/2020 21:35

Keep him outside apart from letting him in the kitchen or utility room where the back door is. This way he only sprays his bedding.

WanderingMilly · 03/02/2020 21:36

You've had some harsh replies on here which I don't agree with. Yes, I would rehome him or whatever...
You have given him 13 years of a loving family, and you've done everything in your power to try to help the situation. There clearly isn't a solution that's going to work and so the cat needs to go. No way would I be having a pissing cat with small children. It isn't hygienic and it isn't helpful to you or the family. And yes, the cat is unhappy too.
I'm afraid the cat has to go...of course you will be upset and in tears, my heart goes out to you....

seltaeb · 03/02/2020 21:39

He needs to become an outdoor cat with a dry comfy home outside, a cat 'kennel' if you like. You can feed him outdoors too. He may adapt OK to this if he is old and sleeps a lot, but if he doesn't you will know you have tried everything realistically.

XXcstatic · 03/02/2020 21:40

IMO it is much kinder to PTS than put him in a rescue centre at his age. He’s not a great candidate for rehoming so why put him through all that suffering and stress?

This. "Rehoming" is a cop out: it spares you from having to face up the fact that he will be PTS. It is cruel to your cat to take him to a shelter, especially if he has dementia - you will take him away from everything he knows and he will be completely bewildered. Much, much kinder and more responsible to have him PTS.

GarlicSoup · 03/02/2020 21:40

My lovely Burmese cat had this problem and it was cystitis could your vet try him on cystsid capsules she also used to have I think it was anti inflammatory medications( could be wrong on the this can’t remember?) by injection as needed. Hope you can get the right treatment for your cat.

VinandVigour · 03/02/2020 21:41

We had exactly this issue with our darling cat, although he was older (18) when he was PTS, he also had dementia, constantly howled then started peeing on beds, anything on the floor, sofas, coats, shoes. He then started peeing on people, maybe the posters here would expect the OP to put up with that as well?

If it is linked to dementia then there is nothing that can be done. No behaviourist or vet can do anything to sort this out. Cats are essentially extremely clean, if they start peeing (not spraying by the way, actual proper endless streams of urine) in their home then, as our vet explained it, there is something very wrong.

He was a much adored rescue cat, we were his fourth family (he was never easy) but he was loved by us all. We gave him 10 years of love.

I don’t think you should rehome him, he will be very confused, I think you need to take that very difficult decision to have him PTS. I’m sending you hugs OP.

MyuMe · 03/02/2020 21:47

He's 13. You've had him almost three times as long as you've had your children. Haven't you formed any kind of emotional connection?

I didn't get any further than that.

Ok hands up everyone who would save their cat before they saved their children if the house was burning down because you'd had the cat three times longer?!

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