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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to have dinner with a colleague?

167 replies

AgeLikeWine · 03/02/2020 19:04

I’m going on a business trip this week. A colleague who works in a different department happens to be going to the same place as me at the same time. We will be travelling on the same flights, working in the same office and staying at the same hotel.

I do know this guy, but we are not friends, and I would prefer not to meet up with him for dinner in the evenings. I’m looking forward to some relaxed me-time, perhaps enjoying dinner with my book or having a take-away in my room rather than making awkward small talk over dinner.

AIBU to make it clear that I don’t want to meet up, and what would be the most tactful & diplomatic way to do so?

OP posts:
Chihaha · 03/02/2020 19:06

You may find he feels the same?

MyuMe · 03/02/2020 19:07

It is presumptuous to assume he wants anything to do with you either

Mintjulia · 03/02/2020 19:08

Take your laptop, tell him you have a pile of admin to clear and you'll see him in the restaurant at breakfast.

Anything more is above and beyond.

IntermittentParps · 03/02/2020 19:10

This may be a silly question, but does he definitely know you're going at the same time and staying in the same hotel?

If he does (and assuming the feeling isn't mutual, although it might be!), maybe just say mildly that you'll be really busy on the trip and it'll be just work all day and then room service with a bit more work in your room followed by early nights.

AfterSchoolWorry · 03/02/2020 19:13

What makes you think he wants to?

iklboo · 03/02/2020 19:13

Book in, smile, say see you tomorrow and head to your room.

Bananaman123 · 03/02/2020 19:14

If he asks just say you will probably eat in room as you have work to do at night? Or need to skype home?

elenacampana · 03/02/2020 19:15

What makes you think he wants to spend time with you?

Sound a bit rude and full of yourself from that post.

DustyDood · 03/02/2020 19:16

I don't think you need to say anything in advance. As pp says, he may well feel the same so the suggestion won't even come up. If he does offer I think it would be perfectly reasonable to say "thanks but I'm going to do my own thing" and if you want to give a reason, something along the lines of "going to take the rare opportunity to have some time to myself".

Fwiw I'd be exactly the same in that situation, much prefer to eat alone than have to make small talk with a colleague I barely know!

Original poster
AgeLikeWine · 03/02/2020 19:16

Yes, he definitely does know we are on the same flights and in the same hotel.

It would be great if he didn’t want to meet up, but I need a plan for what to say if he does, which I think is more likely.

I’m grateful for the suggestions so far.

OP posts:
caperberries · 03/02/2020 19:18

Please explain why you think he'll want to meet up - it will help us to get a better idea of the dynamics?

Myshitisreal · 03/02/2020 19:20

If you really think it's an issue, I would casually mention in conversation your planned spa night in the hotel. movie, bath, nails or whatever people do like that, and room service. That you are looking forward to down time. Easy no big deal

Whatsername177 · 03/02/2020 19:23

If he says 'do you want to grab some dinner later?' Say, 'no thanks, I'm really tired do I'm going to get an early night. See you tomorrow.' Simple really.

helpfulperson · 03/02/2020 19:23

I don't see why it's a big deal. He says ' meet at 7.00pm for dinner?' you say 'thanks but I'll just do my own thing - see you at breakfast' No need for excuses or explanations.

BigFatLiar · 03/02/2020 19:25

Just let him know you'd rather unwind on your own if it arises.

When my OH used to travel if he was with a female colleague he made a point of not eating with them in the evening if they were alone. No problem telling them, he simply said it was inappropriate.

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 03/02/2020 19:26

Not unreasonable, I'd just say exactly what you've said here –that you'll catch him the next day as you'd prefer a chill evening. Unless you're particularly pally with him I don't see why he'd mind!

BaolFan · 03/02/2020 19:36

I've had this before and just be honest (but politely!).

Nice to see you - I'm heading straight up as I'm shattered and have loads to catch up, on so I'm going to do room service for dinner. Enjoy your evening and I'm sure we'll catch up tomorrow at some point.

HannaYeah · 03/02/2020 19:39

I just say something like “Not tonight, you go ahead without me. I’m going to catch up on a few things.”

I find the “what makes you think...” comments funny!

It’s pretty normal to eat together when traveling with a colleague. Not farfetched to think someone might ask.

NoSauce · 03/02/2020 19:40

He’s probably thinking the same.

BigFatLiar · 03/02/2020 19:42

I'd also wait in case he doesn't ask, after all he may not want to spend time with you in which case you may sound a bit odd saying you wanted to be on your own if he had no intention of seeing you.

Casualbride · 03/02/2020 19:42

Just have a headache op and say you need an early night and a dark room. I always say that when traveling with colleagues!

OhDeez · 03/02/2020 19:43

I very much doubt he wants to dine with you. Just a feeling I have.

HappyHammy · 03/02/2020 19:46

Wait to see if he suggests it first..where will you eat dinner.

Brefugee · 03/02/2020 19:47

how long are you away? What's the trip for?
Normally I would say just do your thing. But if he can be helpful for your career, or it will be seen as good team building or whatever, and it's more than one night why not suggest a quick bite but you don't have much time?

He may be having the same convo with his friends...

IntermittentParps · 03/02/2020 19:48

where will you eat dinner. The OP mentions a takeaway in her room.

I very much doubt he wants to dine with you. Just a feeling I have.
Did you mean to be such a nasty caahh? Confused

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