Aibu to think if you can't have both then you shouldn't have either?

[Hjwk]

I'm newish to this so don't really know all the right terms so forgive me!

I've got 2 kids, DD2 and DS3. Every now and again they stay at my parents overnight together. They've got there own little room together there and they love it.

In the past MIL has just had DS overnight alone but this is when DD was alot younger. DD seemed a bit lost when he wasn't here and it was clear she missed him. She hasn't had either for a while due to FIL ill health etc.

Now she feels ready to have them again but only one at a time. I'm really not happy with this, they have a very close bond and one isn't going to understand why the other has gone to stay with nanny without them.

So, Aibu to think that if you can't have one of them then you shouldn't have either. I really don't think it's fair but I'd like to see what others think!

Two toddlers are a handful for a 55 year old

Ageist remark, or what?!!! I'm older than that and deal with 30+ children every day (and will be expected to, according to the Government, until I'm 67). Two toddlers would be a breeze.

Haha I was thinking similar CallmeAngelina. My aunt runs a pre school (ages 2-4) and she’s 61!

Well I'm much younger than that and I still wouldn't want two toddlers overnight! You presumably don't need to get up at 1, 3 and 5am to deal with your 30 children then get up for the day at 5am, as you might well have to with a 2yo and a 3yo who are away from home.

Stating a fact isn't ageist @CallmeAngelina
I'm 55, and a teacher, but there's a complete difference between a class of even Reception age children, and having two teeny ones overnight.
Plus, what you do in the hours you are being paid to work is one thing. What you choose to then do in your time off / evening / weekend are different things.
@D4rwin - don't be ridiculous. Not having the energy, or enthusiasm to want to have two littlies overnight has got nothing to do with your decision making abilities in an emergency.

To be honest if your kids are so codependent that they would be upset when separated this is a great opportunity to address that problem

@CallmeAngelina - I am 55, and I know I would struggle with two toddlers - but I wouldn't dream of suggesting that all 55-year-olds are like me. But if @Hjwk's MIL doesn't feel able of coping with both of them together, it is cheeky of the OP to suggest that she has both kids or neither. She is, presumably, the best judge of what she can manage.

Is an advanced 2 yr old really that bothered at her DB not being there?
I’d say to Mil that if she has DS alone then would she consider DD alone?
I have two only 14mths apart, it’s much healthier for them to be independent and not reliant on each other/looking for the other especially for when it’s time for school.
I’d not be keen having two toddlers overnight tbf.

If this isn't about always having the same one and never the other, YABU. One year is a very challenging age gap indeed when they're small. I'd find that difficult to cope with regardless of age (and so didn't have children that close together). I also think it would be a good thing to get the children used to being without the other one now and again.

Someone looking after your children for you is a favour, not a right.

YABU. She doesn't have to have the children at all, let one stay and have the other at home.

To help you gain perspective me and DH have had 3 child free nights in 14 years.

As almost everyone on MN has said; YABU.
As your DD is so ‘advanced’, she will be fine separated from her brother for a period. Intact, it will be a good thing for your DC to experience

*Infact

Two toddlers would be way too much for me to care for properly even if they were my own and I’m far younger than your MIL which is one of the reasons I didn’t want a close age gap.

And be grateful she’s even offering to have one at a time.

My two boys are close in age and were very much joined at the hip when they were young and it was really good for them to spend time separately at their Grandparents. They used to go on a Friday night and fully understood that they took turns. We got to spend special time with the one who didn’t go and on a Saturday morning their other Granny used to take whichever one was home out shopping with her and they’d stop at the café for breakfast.
They both absolutely loved it and still, as adults, have a close bond with their Grandparents.