Do all dad's not cope with their children?

[Dizzynic101]

I have 2 year and 4 month old girls, I went out Saturday night, leaving my partner, my kids dad, with the kids for 3 hours. I went out for dinner and a few drinks, he text me most of the night saying I needed to go home because the kids wouldn't settle, were being naughty, wouldn't stop crying. It made me feel so guilty for leaving them, but I just needed a little bit of a break. He tells me he can't cope looking after the kids on his own. We had a huge argument yesterday because I've told him he being extremely unreasonable, I never go out and leave him with the kids. I've told him he needs to get over himself and deal with it, they are his kids too, somehow he turns it around on me and I end up feeling sorry for him! I've tried explaining to him how it makes me feel. He just doesn't listen.
I don't think going out for a few hours and leaving the children with their dad is a bad thing. He is also upset because he read my text message to my friend calling him a shithead for his behaviour on Saturday night. Now he's upset with me. I feel guilty for that too.

I know exactly what you mean @YouDoYou18 as sometimes I feel I've had enough and dh will step in and settle them. Its like a clear head and fresh pair of eyes is best sometimes. I think we can all struggle sometimes and it depends on the children too and the circumstances. I bet some men and also women are lazy yes but sometimes it can be a case of just having a tough day as you said. At the end of the day you know your dh best and he isnt manipulating you or passing responsibility as some say. I class me and my dh as a team and equal and if he struggles I will take over and vice versa as I'm certainly not exempt from that either

@Lweji we can all learn and I bet there will be working parents better at parenting than some SAHPs and vice versa. We are all different and thrive at different challenges that's for sure.

we can all learn and I bet there will be working parents better at parenting than some SAHPs and vice versa

Of course. Yes I take your meaning, Lweji, and I agree that looking after children for a few hours is not beyond the bounds of most people.

I never go out and leave him with the kids

So you keep having kids with this guy - yet he's never left in sole charge of either one of them let alone together, and you expect him to magically know exactly how to deal with everything the first time?
Why haven't YOU left him alone to care for his child before?
Did it never occur to you that he should learn?

I know men who have tried to get 'time alone' with their own DC so they can experience that for themselves...yet the mothers don't 'allow' it. They would rather he stay in sight so they can continually 'tell' him what he should be doing/not doing right etc.

It's both your faults for not engaging your brains - why has HE never WANTED to look after his own dc?
Does he even know where their clothes are kept?
How to dress and feed them?
He obviously has no clue about how to console/soothe them!

If he didn't behave like a responsible parent with the first one - why did you give him another child?
You didn't have a problem with his lack of parenting after the first kid - hence why you went on to have another......you're just pissed off he ruined your one night of freedom.

I don't believe it never occurred to you that he should spend time with his DC and learn to look after them by himself.
I'm guessing you had a million and one 'reasons' why you couldn't just leave him with the baby and head out for the day/hours.

If you want your dog to behave --you train it.
Otherwise it just humps things, pisses and walks away.

If you want your dog to behave --you train it.
Otherwise it just humps things, pisses and walks away

Men are like dogs now. This is getting better and better.

Jesus this thread. Blaming women for the actions of men. Women aren't born mothers, we have children and we become responsible for another person. Why doesn't the same happen for men when they become fathers? And why is the fault of women when it doesn't?.
It's not as easy as saying just don't have children with shit fathers, you have no idea how someone will parent until they are one.
When I had my first child I was 18 and guess what I didn't magically know what to do but I figured it out. And a grown man is more than capable of doing the same.

Good grief why are men being compared to dogs needing obedience training?

OP, not all men are like your feckless H.
My DP will often take care of a toddler and baby and taxi around a couple of belligerent teens whilst he’s at it and manage to throw together a meal and do a wash. I thought that was normal non twat behaviour from either partner in a relationship.

He’s never been to obedience school either.

Although, I highly suspect if DP refused to parent his own dc, his mum and sister would be non too impressed, and not let him get away with it.