OP was he selfish, lazy and manipulative before you had children?
My main comment to you is, stop dancing to his tune and allowing yourself to be manipulated into feeling 'guilty' to order. He's pulling your strings very deliberately, very selfishly, to generate guilt and upset at his convenience, to get what he wants. Not the actions, or the thought processes, of a nice man.
Many people 'grow up' when they become parents and learn to be selfless for the first time. Some people don't and they often take advantage of the ones who do.
Then there's the powerful idea, embedded at the back of some people's minds, depending on their upbringing, of 'mother as mother to the household'.
So, all can be equal as young adults living together, even married. You might both pull your weight domestically. The moment you have a child though, the man casts the new mother as 'mother to the household', drawing upon deeply held but hidden beliefs about what a 'mother' is; suddenly expecting her to take on responsibility for all domestic tasks, thought and childcare, including being default 24/7 child-carer and often, in many ways, parent to him too.
You can't always see those ones coming. They're not always aware of it themselves, if they're not the type to question their own thinking. It's a cognitive dissonance between what they've learnt and say they believe as young adults and what they've internalised in childhood.