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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to take the day off?

246 replies

Gruffalosandbuffalos · 03/02/2020 07:07

DD has been sick so can’t go to childcare. I only work 2 days a week so am available to be home with her on the other 3 days.

DH has a board meeting once a week which falls on my work day. He says he can never take this day off.

AIBU to expect that as I only work 2 days a week on those days DH has to take the time off if the DC are ill? In my job there is a cost to the employer if I don’t go as they will need to pay supply to go in.

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 03/02/2020 19:21

"He's correct that it's not professional to have a child in the background. People who wfh should have childcare in place while they are at work."

He's not really wfh though, is? He's looking after a sick child. It's not like it's a regular occurrence.

InfiniteCurve · 03/02/2020 19:44

If the NHS is going to go under and coronavirus is going to sweep the country because one finance director in one NHS Trust skypes into a meeting rather than attending in person,I think we are probably all doomed anyway.

It's a meeting,it may really needs his input,but that input can come remotely - his body doesn't need to be sat in a particular chair in a particular hospital for that to work,surely?

timeisnotaline · 03/02/2020 20:33

If he were that essential to the meeting, he’d dial in. Again, just like every woman who needs to be in a a meeting but her child is unwell.

RedskyAtnight · 03/02/2020 20:38

He's not really wfh though, is? He's looking after a sick child.

I was responding to the comment about how people who wfh manage to dial into calls when they have children.

missanony · 03/02/2020 20:42

All employers must come to learn that parents of children starting nursery will have to be off to cover illnesses - first the kids and the actual staff when they get it. It’s rubbish but it passes.

We take it in turns but will discuss at the time /argue about who’s busiest

Brefugee · 03/02/2020 20:55

meh - I dial into meetings all the time, sometimes audio only sometimes with video. I see all the things on the whiteboard because we do screen sharing.

Seems like a good result, OP

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/02/2020 21:29

RedSky
An alternative scenario I was wfh when DS1 was playing peek a boo because I couldn’t take the day off I had planned as we had just received a shedload of unexpected requests from a US regulator. I was doing my employer a big favour so they were grateful irrespective of there being a child around.

Sometimes shit happens.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 04/02/2020 05:03

He's correct that it's not professional to have a child in the background.

You know you can mute your microphone, don't you?

Aridane · 04/02/2020 05:45

Not when you’re speaking...

Aridane · 04/02/2020 05:50

He's correct that it's not professional to have a child in the background. People who wfh should have childcare in place while they are at work.

As for whether it makes sense to Skype in, if it's a meeting where most people are there in person, I agree it's worth than useless to do it - you can't hear most of the side conversations, everyone tends to forget you are there and you don't get to see any of the diagrams that people draw on the whiteboard.

We have a team member who works remotely, and everyone else is on site. When we have team meetings, we spend almost as much meeting time catching her up afterwards as she misses so much of the actual meeting.

Skype works brilliantly in lots of cases, but presumably DH knows better than randoms over the internet whether it will work in his.

Exactly!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 04/02/2020 05:57

@Aridane unless he's leading the meeting (which he's clearly not considering he's now just not bothering) he really won't need to speak for long.

I'm sure it really wouldn't be a big issue.

MurrayTheMonk · 04/02/2020 06:45

I'm glad he took the day off. You have only been back three weeks op-it would look awful if you had to take a day off at this point. And if you need the job financially then right now it is as important as his job isn't it?
Plus the impact on your employer and your students would be far worse than is the case for him.

My exh would never take the day off. He was Climbing the ranks at work and so 'always had to be there'. Then for a while he was too busy and important to take the day off with the girls. Now he has made it to the top he can work more flexibly which is great for him. Except that the DD's are old enough to look after themselves pretty much, my career has already suffered and I'm struggling to get it back on track, and we are divorced.... a cautionary tale perhaps?
I never won the arguments about who was taking the day off, and Charley Big Potatoes who could never miss a meeting became increasingly insufferable.... think a frank conversation with your dh is needed now, before you end up going down that path OP.

Lweji · 04/02/2020 07:48

I have very professional men and women taking their children to work when there's no school.
Keeping up with a meeting with a sick child somewhere in the house is not an issue.
And if they need assistance during the meeting, then it's an emergency. Tough.

masterblaster · 04/02/2020 17:45

If he works 5 days and OP works 2 then the fair solution is that she looks after the kid on days she's not working, and on days she is they alternate, but if she's working 2 days surely he could do the "other" day?

Everyone's employer suffers some loss if they are not there during an important time. OP seems to be wanting to load 100 % of the sick kid time on to DH's employer and that's not fair.

But he can Skype that meeting if it's his turn.

DanceItOut · 04/02/2020 17:51

My husband tried this one at the start of this year when I stopped being a SAHM we now take turns because I made clear that OUR decision to have children had already meant my career came second for the past 6 years (for two DCs) by default because his job paid more at the time. This time around we are taking turns to lose work time.

cherish123 · 04/02/2020 17:51

Take turns. Could you take that day he has meeting and he do the next? I would be inclined to say he should stay off, though. It also depends if either of you are temporary or on a probation period. I am sure his colleagues can manage without him. If he was a single parent, he would not have a choice. As for people who say you rely on his job so he should not stay off, he's not going to get thr sack for one day off for child care.

glennamy · 04/02/2020 19:45

Main bread winner has priority be it man or woman...

woodchuck99 · 04/02/2020 19:49

Main bread winner has priority be it man or woman..

Rubbish. It is very shortsighted just to look at who is earning the most money and just go on that. What happens if the higher earner loses their job and the other person can't pick up the slack because they have sacrificed their career to the higher earner? What happens if a couple split up in the lower earner can't earn much money to support themselves because they have given up their career so the higher end doesn't have to take any time off when their child is sick?It is important that both people maintain their careers if they want to.

woodchuck99 · 04/02/2020 19:50

Excuse the typos- dictation software.

Newmumma83 · 04/02/2020 19:53

You should take turns, I too have only just returned to work about 5 weeks and I had a day off with my son last week.
Husband had a meeting with multiple people in London .. I know it really made my colleagues hard pushed but I agreed it was some this time

That being said my husband was happy to take the next day off with him no issue.

We are both full time husband earns twice what I do ... he is more senior than me ... but it is a joint responsibility

Drop of and picks ups are my responsibility but husband will do if he can ( working from home ) so I don’t have to rush from work

Makeupface · 04/02/2020 19:54

It's easy to say Skype the meeting but if child is I'll how can you concentrate?! My partner has a busy job, lots of meeting and phone calls etc and a crying baby or cranky child wouldn't go down well!

Newmumma83 · 04/02/2020 19:54

Both our work give 5 days parental leave days I believe does his not?

Try2makeadifference · 04/02/2020 21:09

Yes, the healthcare professionals in the NHS would probably laugh their heads off at the idea of someone in finance being hugely important in saving the country from coronavirus
Yes we are! Grin
NHS is a ‘Positive’ employer, subscribing to family friendly policies. Carers Leave possible.
Winter flu causing more problems to the NHS than Coronavirus at present and that is already budgeted for.
So, he can be off and cause less disruption (missing a meeting of 15-20 people) than OP (leaving class of 30 with a supply teacher unfamiliar with the class). Partnership parenting and all... Smile

TheWashingMachine · 04/02/2020 21:12

It depends, my DH earns way more than I do, in terms of loss of revenue if he misses a day the impact is greater. He is self employed.

MadMadaMim · 04/02/2020 21:48

Weekly board meeting?

He's having you on...