Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to take the day off?

246 replies

Gruffalosandbuffalos · 03/02/2020 07:07

DD has been sick so can’t go to childcare. I only work 2 days a week so am available to be home with her on the other 3 days.

DH has a board meeting once a week which falls on my work day. He says he can never take this day off.

AIBU to expect that as I only work 2 days a week on those days DH has to take the time off if the DC are ill? In my job there is a cost to the employer if I don’t go as they will need to pay supply to go in.

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 03/02/2020 12:03

Irs difficult. I worked very part time and had the conversation with dh that yes, I was part time and didnt earn much compared to him but nonetheless my employer still expected that I was there. He agreed that he would do his share of days off with dc if needed. Except of course mostly it didnt work like that because his job is "so important".

Dont know the answer!! But I no longer work

Aridane · 03/02/2020 12:04

My job has been the more important one our entire marriage. My DH always took the lion’s share of sick days. Sometimes 50/50 isn’t what is fair or possible. That’s all I’m saying. Job importance should influence the division of sick days in my opinion.

I agree

Lweji · 03/02/2020 12:08

Job importance should influence the division of sick days in my opinion.

Yes, but regular not that important meeting vs students not getting taught...
It's not just the job itself, it's also what is being lost and what are the alternatives.
He can probably do a lot of work from home, but the OP can't.
It's more the nature of the job, than how "important" or highly paid it is.

Original poster
Gruffalosandbuffalos · 03/02/2020 12:08

I would 100% rather stay home tomorrow than go to work! But I know it’s important for me to be there, and work have been really good allowing my to drop days and work part time so I don’t want to now annoy them by not being there!

I do love that DH has had a huge promotion and now seems to be single handily fighting the Coronavirus himself. If only his pay packet reflected that and then I wouldn’t have to work at all!

For those who asked why I work part time and not him- it’s because I want to. I love being home with the children and wouldn’t work at all if we didn’t financially need me to.

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/02/2020 12:09

I do love that DH has had a huge promotion and now seems to be single handily fighting the Coronavirus himself.

Sure...

museumum · 03/02/2020 12:10

I earn less than my dh bit that doesn’t mean a jot to my clients. They don’t know what he does, it’s not their problem he’s in a highly paid field. I’m a relatively senior consultant but just in a lower paid field. I have no less responsibility.

We share days off, or both work from home and juggle videocalls.

MummaGiles · 03/02/2020 12:13

He sees emergency leave as an extension of the childcare you already provide. You need to disabuse him of this.

Speekachu · 03/02/2020 12:15

@Lweji You obviously haven't read the full thread Grin

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/02/2020 12:20

I was once on a call with US lawyers on a massive piece of litigation and they were all laughing when a young DS1 decided to play peek a boo in a cupboard in the background.

Quartz2208 · 03/02/2020 12:21

Job importance though does not revolve around part time/full time though.

At the moment it seems that the OP would have to tell work and they would have to get cover vs the OP DH remotely connecting to a meeting. Which frankly in this day and age is very common (its rare I attend meetings where someone isnt dialling in). The fact that he wont is his issue not the OPs. And I am sure his work would be ok I have attended meetings when my kids are off sick

MaybeDoctor · 03/02/2020 12:22

Yeah, don't be so selfish OP - surely you understand that your DH has to save the human race via his careful use of Excel spreadsheets! Grin

Almost any other job (apart from surgery) is more flexible than teaching, as the OP can't just dial in to teach 30 children or ask them to re-schedule until she is back on Wednesday.

woodchuck99 · 03/02/2020 12:25

I do love that DH has had a huge promotion and now seems to be single handily fighting the Coronavirus himself.

Lol. I hope he doesn't actually think that.

kateandme · 03/02/2020 12:27

im not sure of the set up but this is surely what modern times are good for.for videoing in from anywhere.

timeisnotaline · 03/02/2020 12:44

I’d say It’s a shame he isn’t more supportive of women flexi working and trying to balance things, men who pompously say work should be all or nothing are exactly the reason women struggle. And what if you were hit by a bus? That would be a shock in his pompous ass to have to balance it himself. Or are his contingency plans to replace you asap as he is too important to be a single dad?

caringcarer · 03/02/2020 12:47

My dh has had to skype in to a meeting when at home with sick child before. His work is more flexible as he can work form home whereas I used to teach and so had to be in classroom unless sick myself. I have retired early and now I am home I look after child if unwell and dh goes to work. You could take in turns on days both should be at work.

bumblingbovine49 · 03/02/2020 12:50

I do love that DH has had a huge promotion and now seems to be single handily fighting the Coronavirus himself.

Neither the poster or her DH said this, it is an ironic reference to a comment by another poster trying to make the op feel bad for asking 'such an important NHS person to take a day off' Hmm.

53rdWay · 03/02/2020 12:51

He needs to start thinking of your classes as 'large meetings', except you have multiple of them per work day and they're the kind of meeting where your presence is more essential than anyone else's, and also you can't Skype in.

thenightsky · 03/02/2020 12:51

Its the NHS. He will be entitled to emergency carer's leave. If he's finance director, then I'm pretty sure there'll be a deputy director of finance too, who can attend the meeting. They won't sack him for missing one meeting I'm sure.

(39 years in NHS admin myself).

woodchuck99 · 03/02/2020 13:04

Neither the poster or her DH said this, it is an ironic reference to a comment by another poster trying to make the op feel bad for asking 'such an important NHS person to take a day off'

She did say it! Obviously it was tongue in cheek but that doesn't mean it wasn't said.

OnlyTheTitOfTheLangBerg · 03/02/2020 13:09

I'm actually involved in managing the response to the coronavirus in this area (which has confirmed cases, unlike the Midlands). Finance meetings are the first to go out of the diary because a good finance team will already be appraised of the position and vice versa - none of the national teleconferences I've been involved in so far have even had an FM on the list of attendees. And plenty of people have been Skyping into those calls from home. Yes, as we get closer to financial year end we will need to divert some resource back to that area, but for now it is firmly in the 'non-essential' pile.

At this stage we haven't even had to cancel any leave/block future requests, and additional cover for key roles is being met through reprioritisation of workloads and staff volunteering to work an extra shift here and there. Again, none of those key roles is "person in finance". And we're even still managing to take lunch breaks, hence me posting now!

As usual, some people will pull anything out of their arse to venerate The Mighty Man and His Mighty Job and throw women and their silly little pin money jobs under the bus in the process.

UpperLowercaseSymbolNumber · 03/02/2020 13:13

Good lord what a drama llama he is. IME men in senior roles who take the very occasional day off or wfh to deal with an ill child practically get a round of applause and a father of the year award. If nothing else he can look at it as setting a good time example to the more junior members of staff.

The world will not fall if he had dialled into the call. And anyway when dialling into a call it is etiquette to be on mute unless speaking. All he would have to have done is schedule his day so DD could have a snack with tv/tablet at that time to keep her quiet and occupied. Then pick up what he hadn’t been able to do during the day in the evening.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 03/02/2020 13:39

Glad that DH took the day off today. Is there really no person in his team who can go along for him in a sitation like this. If not he should find someone in preparation of the next time DD is sick.

Willow2017 · 03/02/2020 14:19

He has opted to non attend the meeting rather than Skype in as he says it should be all or nothing and isn’t professional to have a child in the background when on the phone. His choice, I’m sure the world won’t end because he isn’t there

God ask him how the rest of the country manages it?
People who wfh?

Bet he manages to talk to more than one person at work with phones going, people going in and out the office etc but cant manage a small child!

All or nothing my god he really us a bit self important isn't he?

RedskyAtnight · 03/02/2020 14:44

He has opted to non attend the meeting rather than Skype in as he says it should be all or nothing and isn’t professional to have a child in the background when on the phone.

He's correct that it's not professional to have a child in the background. People who wfh should have childcare in place while they are at work.

As for whether it makes sense to Skype in, if it's a meeting where most people are there in person, I agree it's worth than useless to do it - you can't hear most of the side conversations, everyone tends to forget you are there and you don't get to see any of the diagrams that people draw on the whiteboard.

We have a team member who works remotely, and everyone else is on site. When we have team meetings, we spend almost as much meeting time catching her up afterwards as she misses so much of the actual meeting.

Skype works brilliantly in lots of cases, but presumably DH knows better than randoms over the internet whether it will work in his.

Ginger1982 · 03/02/2020 19:20

"He has opted to non attend the meeting rather than Skype in"

So he can miss the meeting when he needs to after all. Funny that.