To expect DH to take the day off?

[Gruffalosandbuffalos]

DD has been sick so can’t go to childcare. I only work 2 days a week so am available to be home with her on the other 3 days.

DH has a board meeting once a week which falls on my work day. He says he can never take this day off.

AIBU to expect that as I only work 2 days a week on those days DH has to take the time off if the DC are ill? In my job there is a cost to the employer if I don’t go as they will need to pay supply to go in.

Ps I think PP is right in that in many scenarios it is still assumed that it the wife that takes the flack for kids" illnesses etc and by and large that is sadly still true. My husband's industry is dominated by relatively high earning males and it's very much the case there. But when challenged he admits that those that never take time off for stuff like this are the really high earning ones whose wives are ones who don't work at all which isn't the case for us. He should respect that fact that although you take the biggest hits on both your salary and your career, the days that you actually do work are very important. And especially if you've only just returned after mar leave.

Stop excusing the lie that a mans jib is always more important than a womans job

While that is a fallacy, in this case the husbands job is in fact more important than the OPs job. Fact.

It Is true that in the majority of dual income families, one partners job will be more important. It is not as common for two parents to have jobs of equal importance.

This is the first time you've had this issue. Don't set the precedent by him allowing you to cover all the sick days.
Make sure you sort this out once and for all because he'll always have an excuse if you don't make your stance clear early on.

And nobody here knows what his job is.

I know of weekly meetings in the nhs between consultants that are to make literally life or death decisions. The impact of those meetings not going ahead would be patients not having their treatment on time, creating a knock on effect.

The impact of those meetings not going ahead would be patients not having their treatment on time, creating a knock on effect.

This isn't an issue when he's on annual leave. They won't cancel the meeting because one person isn't available - he'll have a second in command who can cover.
Or, as OP said, he can Skype in. There are workarounds.

I would try and negotiate taking turns. Neither of your employers should have to bear the brunt of all the child sickness days, regardless of what you do.

I know of weekly meetings in the nhs between consultants that are to make literally life or death decisions.

Exactly! And even if he is an NHS administrator upper manager type it is still critical time due to the Coronavirus. Lots of support functions have to ramp up to support the medical staff to deal with this killer virus.

While that is a fallacy, in this case the husbands job is in fact more important than the OPs job. Fact

Fact? Seriously?

I'd say it was far more important that the OP gets back into the workforce and maintains her financial independence.

I do a fairly 'important' job (whatever that is) and it always amazes me that it is my female colleagues who take time off to do childcare and the men rarely do.

GIveherhell
Don’t compare sick days to annual leave. Planned absences booked months in advance are completely different to unplanned, no notice absences.

He doesn’t manage an NHS trust. He works in finance.

Spartacus
So OP missing one day of teaching will make or break her financial independence which is more important than her NHS husband working during a pandemic WHO declared global emergency?

Sorry but I prioritise lives over cash money.

@PlanDeRaccordement oh yeah it's obviously different but my point is there should still be someone who should cover. There'll always be a back up plan (in an ideal world).

Anyway OPs now updated to say it's not a life/death situation with I think voids that issue really.

He doesn’t manage an NHS trust. He works in finance.

Finance is a key driver of NHS failure or success during a health crisis.

My job has been the more important one our entire marriage. My DH always took the lion’s share of sick days. Sometimes 50/50 isn’t what is fair or possible. That’s all I’m saying. Job importance should influence the division of sick days in my opinion.

We always shared days off and there's no way I would accept the excuse that a meeting absolutely has to be attended if it is weekly. Having said that I would probably see if I could change my days. If you can't do that I would insist he changes his attitude.

I think it's fair to take it in turns on your working days. If a child was then ill for a full week for example, OP would end up doing 4 days out of 5 which already adjusts for his job paying more and therefore being more important to their family.

If he was saying "I can't miss the weekly meeting THIS WEEK because of Coronavirus etc" that would be one thing, but he's saying that he can never miss it.

I don't believe that anyone has a job where their attendance at work is so vital that no one can ever possibly cover for them for one day - otherwise what happens when they are ill themselves?

I would be amazed if he was the only person ringing in to the meeting. I’d put money in there being some participants who ring in as a matter of course every week.

Who earns more has nothing to do with it. If the only thing he needs to be in for is the meeting, then today he has more flexibility than you.

@PlanDeRaccordement it's pretty clear your job is deemed to be more important judged by your responses which is fine if that's what works for you.

I'm returning to work from Mat Leave in a few weeks and we've already had this discussion.

DP earns much more than I do and he has much more responsibility than me but he'll be going his share of sick days because my employer is important too.

The difference is, too, that OP only works 2 days. To phone in sick on those two days only serves to tell her employer, and her husband, that her job isn't important and her job now is only to take care of their child, which isn't fair. OP is entitled to a career too.

It Is true that in the majority of dual income families, one partners job will be more important. It is not as common for two parents to have jobs of equal importance.

Rubbish. It is that kind of attitude which holds back women's careers as let's face it they are usually the ones who work part-time when their children are small.

Just because someone works part-time it doesn't mean there career is less important. They may be earning less at that point in time but that doesn't mean they always will do and even if it does it doesn't make their career less important. Considering half of marriages end in divorce it's incredibly shortsighted to just work things out on the basis who owns the most at a particular point in time. You may be happy to dependent on your DH and not have a career but some of us aren't. I worked hard for my career and there's no way I would give it up so that DH can have a better one.

Tell him to use Skype and wfh

YANBU- I hate this attitude that it's always the Mother's responsibility to make sacrifices for childcare.

My job has been the more important one our entire marriage. My DH always took the lion’s share of sick days. Sometimes 50/50 isn’t what is fair or possible. That’s all I’m saying. Job importance should influence the division of sick days in my opinion.

You would say that they wouldn't you as that attitude has worked to your advantage. Maybe your DH has never had a career and doesn't really care but that doesn't mean that everyone else should accept that one partner's job/career is more important than the other.

they though

While that is a fallacy, in this case the husbands job is in fact more important than the OPs job. Fact.

Where do you get that 'fact' from?

Yanbu. We split it but DH probably takes more days off with sick kids than I do because I only work 3 days so taking a day off is a larger % of my time at work.