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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner hit me with a pillow this morning in anger

517 replies

Milosunshine · 03/02/2020 05:38

I’m aware a pillow isn’t the worst thing you can throw at someone however my partner has gone into an angry outburst because I haven’t made his breakfast this morning. For the past 2 years I have created a rod for my own back and woken up at 5am (2 and half hours before I am due to leave for work) and made his breakfast and lunch. I mentioned last week I was getting tired so at the end of last week he let me lie in. This morning he is infuriated and said it was one off. Just venting really as I feel so emotional and guilty 😞

OP posts:
KellyHall · 05/02/2020 08:09

Good morning op Flowers

How's everything with you this morning?

ScrimshawTheSecond · 05/02/2020 09:28

Checking in here, too, OP. Hope you're okay. Flowers

incognitomum · 05/02/2020 09:37

Please don't go back. He'll be nice for a while then could get even worse.

Bluetrews25 · 05/02/2020 09:43

Milo are you ok?
We're all thinking of you as we know these days will be difficult. Either you are feeling wobbly at your new beginning, or you have been forced to return. We're all here sweetheart, whenever you need support.

Mamabear88 · 05/02/2020 10:04

THIS IS NOT A MAN YOU SHOULD HAVE A CHILD WITH. You need to leave the disgusting excuse for a man and find someone decent, there's plenty of good men out there that would treat you with respect.

herbie01 · 05/02/2020 10:37

Hugs OP xo hope you doing ok Flowers

MadameOvary · 05/02/2020 10:54

OP I have been there. I know how you feel. We are here for you and cheering you on. I know how hard it is to take in all the advice, so I’ll limit mine to three points:
One - he abuses simply because he feels entitled to do so. He sees it as his right. You are not allowed either rights or respect.

Two: please look up Stockholm Syndrome. Looking into the psychology of abuse really helps to understand why you feel like this.

Three: He’s abusive. He’s nothing special. He may have won the Nobel Peace Prize but he’s still a shitsmear who abuses women and doesn’t even begin to question his own behaviour even when faced with your obvious distress.

Excited101 · 05/02/2020 11:15

Stay strong op, remember he’s an expert in this behaviour and manipulation. Of course he’s making you feel this way- he’s really practised at it! The strongest of women can be abused, just like the weakest. It’s no reflection on you at all. But you need to stay away from him now, move onto to someone who equals you. His ‘good side’ isn’t the real him, it’s the bit he has to do to ensure you stay with him when he’s horrible.

Anon87 · 05/02/2020 11:44

I've only skimmed over this thread but I couldn't leave without shouting out a massive fat well done to OP.

It may not seem like you've physically done much but you've just made a massive leap forward to change your life for the better.
Granted that your life may not have been that horrid - but he is!

If this is anything like mine was it's just riding out the phone calls, texts and mutual friends in your ear. Then there's a pity party and then some rage followed by a woe is me and then it's all your fault again and repeat.

Please do not give into this. Do not take a step back and undo your bravery now. It will fade away in time, so will he. You can keep the memories of the nice times but just wait till you can use them as a comparison to an actual decent gent who comes along with genuine respect and adoration.

I don't know you, but I'm so proud. 😊
And you lot as well, we've all been through some shit at different rankings, good on you lot for owning it, learning from it and reaching out to others xxx

Motoko · 05/02/2020 12:10

@Milosunshine are you ok?

L0bstersLass · 05/02/2020 17:47

I'd like to say to the OP if you have gone back, we are still here.

This.

We are here to support you in this horrendous situation. Even if you have gone back, you do not have to struggle alone. There are still people here that will support you if you let them.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 05/02/2020 18:11

"He said everyone will now think he’s a c*"

I think I can translate this. He said everyone will know the truth about him and that won't fit his carefully-moulded Mister Nice Guy image.

My late Mum's first husband (not my Dad) was like this, OP. They don't change. Fortunately she got out.

EerieSilence · 05/02/2020 18:16

He is a bloody abusive cunt. Stay away, never ever think about going back to him. For your own good.

NearlyGranny · 05/02/2020 18:56

An abuser's definition of what constitutes abuse is always - always - several notches worse than anything they've ever admitted to doing. And the definition moves ahead of them, whatever they get up to.

duffeldaisy · 05/02/2020 20:14

Still thinking of you OP.
I do hope everything is alright - ideally that you’re in a safe place with family or friends, or that you are at least sorting out a way to quietly and safely leave very soon if you did return.

You have so much support, even from internet strangers. All the best to you.

Threelionsandalioness · 05/02/2020 20:18

Absolute huge well done to you op, I do hope you are OK x

NaviSprite · 05/02/2020 22:13

Just come across this thread and wanted to add another well done for making such huge steps forward in leaving him. As has been said it can take numerous attempts to leave, it did for me too (7 in total) please remember we’re here and again, as already suggested, the relationship board is a good place to go. Thinking of you @Milosunshine and I hope all is okay Flowers

clpsmum · 05/02/2020 22:24

LTB ASAP

painintheholeSIL · 05/02/2020 23:37

@clpsmum RTFT

GeekyGirl42 · 06/02/2020 00:09

When he’s out, or you are out and not with him, call Women's Aid. They are amazing. They let you tell them what happened, they listen and they don't force any kind of action. They have a national phone line (24 hour) and local area support.

clpsmum · 06/02/2020 07:36

@painintheholeSIL 🖕🏻

Sorry OP didn't have time to read the entire 480 comments before I posted. Well done on getting away from him he sounds like a complete narcissist. You have not created a drama over nothing and it doesn't have to be black eyes to be abuse, this is abuse. Please try and stay away from him and have little, if possible no contact at all. Be strong. It will be hard but you are so much better without him. Sending hugs

Highonpotandused · 06/02/2020 07:42

OP, are you still at your cousins?

GeekyGirl42 · 06/02/2020 09:35

OP I hadn't seen when I posted before that you had gone to your cousins. You need to know you are very brave and have made a decision that takes a lot of strength. I am absolutely rooting for you!

If you go back, please please keep posting. I know first hand how hard it is to get out and stay out. Women's Aid were fantastic for me, and they can help by listening, letting you make your decisions, and practical support for setting up a new life independent of him if that's what you decide on.

NoFucksImAQueen · 06/02/2020 10:13

@clpsmum at least read the ops updates then instead of being rude to people who quite rightly tell you to read the bloody thread. It's not mandatory for you to reply right away, you could always, you know reply later when you do have time to read it Hmm

clpsmum · 06/02/2020 11:37

@NoFucksImAQueen I was trying to support the op. I was planning to read updates and post more which I did once I had the time. I'm on this thread to support the op who is being abused not to be told off by other posters!

I was rude to the poster because being tagged in a post that says read the fucking thread is very rude so I'm not going to be sweetness and light in my response.