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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask, if you had your time again, would you have kids?

416 replies

UndecidedOne · 02/02/2020 22:32

My husband and I don't have kids yet (he's 32 and I'm 27). We have bought a bigger house in preparation for starting a family, but I'm just not sure if I want kids or not. So would you have kids again if you could start over? And what do you like and dislike about being a parent?

OP posts:
Frazzled2207 · 03/02/2020 15:52

I'm not sure tbh. I mean I adore my kids but I don't think I realised how my life really would never be the same again and not all of it is positive. Perhaps I will feel differently when they are older and less hard work!

Also I worry now about the world I've brought them into (climate emergency, brexit etc).

Berrymuch · 03/02/2020 15:55

I would, but with someone else. But no one else's experience really matter, you need to decide what you both want, you can have an equally fulfilling life with or without; if you are not sure I would definitely wait.

Frazzled2207 · 03/02/2020 16:05

Oh yes and as pp said it puts an enormous strain on your marriage. We're ok but our relationship is so different now to now it was when we were first married. Don't rush into it, I had my first at 35 (married at 34!) and perhaps slightly earlier would have been ideal but I'm pleased I had a few years of being a grown up in my 30s before it all went downhill Smile

bumblingbovine49 · 03/02/2020 16:06

Absolutely not

MulticolourMophead · 03/02/2020 16:10

I would have had kids, yes.

Just not with ex.

Juanbablo · 03/02/2020 16:16

Yes I would. I had my first at 19. I'm not sure I would have children so young but definitely in my twenties. I love having kids.

GarlicSoup · 03/02/2020 16:18

Yes and I would have had them sooner and have more of them.

Chottie · 03/02/2020 16:19

Yes, in a heartbeat.

I love, love, love being a mother. And being a DGM is like adding a cherry on top. I can't describe how wonderful it is to love and be loved by so many special people in your life :)

Bingewatcingagain · 03/02/2020 16:21

I would 😍 it hasn’t been easy and I’ve struggled with PND and low self esteem.

If I could go into it again knowing what I know now I’d live my life a million times. My daughter is the best thing to have happened to me.

MercedesDeMonteChristo · 03/02/2020 16:44

I love mine and would not wish them away or change anything. However, if I was thinking objectively and not about each of their personalities etc and everything I love then I would have had one child, possibly a second but more than likely one. I have 3.

ColourMyDreams · 03/02/2020 16:48

Yes I would and twice as many 😁

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 03/02/2020 16:48

No, I wouldn't!

LailaDay · 03/02/2020 16:49

No. I love my DC to bits, but if I'd be lucky enough to get another life (and know what I know now, and have the experience of having kids), I'd like to remain childfree. Once you have kids, your life becomes so scripted and every choice you make has a huge and direct impact on them as well, and that is limiting. The freedom that comes with not having kids (and I don't mean "going for drinks" or "travel", but the big stuff) is incredibly precious. That said, loads of childless people manage to tie themselves down as well with mortgages and (imagined) responsibilities, or just force of habit, so hey.

That doesn't mean I wish I wasn't a mum. I just don't think it's interesting enough to do it twice. I definitely don't feel like being a parent is my life's purpose.

PattiPrice · 03/02/2020 18:05

That doesn't mean I wish I wasn't a mum. I just don't think it's interesting enough to do it twice. I definitely don't feel like being a parent is my life's purpose.

This is very well expressed.

ChrissieKeller61 · 03/02/2020 18:07

No for so many reasons.

MargotsBumpyNight · 03/02/2020 18:12

Yes absolutely. If I was younger when I met my husband and had no financial barriers I'd have more than my current 3.That said, it's hard work and there are moments I question my sanity!

SunOnAll · 03/02/2020 18:14

I always find these threads really interesting, as someone who doesn't have DC. Even though initially DH & I tried for years, when it was evident it wasn't going to happen and we came to terms with it, I was surprised to feel relieved I'd never have that relentless worry or responsibility that having a child brings.

We have a wonderful life, I feel very lucky. I know I'll never have the experience of being a mum, but I've accepted you can't have everything in life and I'm very grateful for my blessings. And uninterrupted sleep every night.

Several friends have told me they regret having children, and that they were 50/50 but thought 'it's just what you do' and their expectations don't meet the reality.

Andahelterskelterroundmylittle · 03/02/2020 18:17

Without any doubt whatsoever.
For me , having children is my main love/achievement/reason for getting up in the morning.
I fully understand that for others this can be their career, partner, wider family or pets but for me it would only ever be my children .
It's a love and bond that will never die for me.

onionandsage · 04/02/2020 06:23

I don’t think those who have kids (me included) can say with any confidence what life would’ve been like without it.

For me it’s fairly obvious what my life would be like without kids - eating regularly at nice restaurants, long lie-ins at the weekend, impromptu trips away, the freedom to do what I want, when I want. DH could have afforded to live in a nicer area as we could have bought a one bed flat instead of a two bed. Our careers are fairly mapped out anyway so kids or no kids is irrelevant to that.

Whoopsmahoot · 04/02/2020 06:42

Yes, and done it sooner. I’m a better person for it even though it’s nearly brought me to my knees at times!

OVienna · 04/02/2020 07:01

Yes absolutely. My life would have been very thin without them. Thin emotionally not because you can find things to do you enjoy in the moment. I think I would have just spend even more time at work. Grim.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 04/02/2020 08:44

I think a lot of people who have children in their 20s think that if they hadn't had them life would have carried on like they were 25 forever. One of the reasons I'm glad I was in my 30s when I had DS is that it was already clear that living like a 25 year old was coming to an end whatever we did.

PattiPrice · 04/02/2020 08:56

I don’t think those who have kids (me included) can say with any confidence what life would’ve been like without it.

Nonsense. The exact opposite in fact. Those without kids would find it difficult to see what life with kids would be like as one cannot begin to imagine the stress, worry and guilt involved. My child free friend often tells me how her dog is more of a worry than any child could ever be!

I know what life would be like. I would have continued doing what I had been doing. I would be working full time, pretty consumed by office politics.. I would have continued going on holidays three times a year. I would have bought in or very near the city. I would have continued eating at the newest restaurants. I would have continued saving one quarter of my salary. From time to time I would have contemplated a very idealistic view of being a mum.

Poetryinaction · 04/02/2020 09:00

Yes, but I would have stayed single and done it alone.

PenelopeFlintstone · 04/02/2020 09:04

Yes, but with boarding school from Year 7 even though they’re still adorable then. They change in Year 8 and 9 and then it’s too late and they wont go.

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