Weird comments from DH

[PassAnotherGlass]

DD15 went shopping today, when she got back DH and I asked to see what she got. One of the items was a dress that was just above knee length. I told her it was lovely etc etc. DH, on the other hand, said “I’d like it if you weren’t my daughter” . DD and I both found this really weird. He can’t see the problem. Am I being to sensitive?

I agree it’s yuck.

At best it betrays an unpleasant attitude of “my daughter is better than the type to wear a short skirt”. At worst downright pervy.

I would be having words.

say that you don't like the dress without saying you would like it if a different girl "not my daughter" was wearing it.

"Why don't you like the dress Dad?"

Do you really need my help in answering that question TomPinch?

Answer your daughter honestly why you don't like the dress .

But don't say you'd like it on another teenager but not her.

The dress is a problem but only for the women he thinks are “his”

Women are only important in relation to men. It's deeply misogynistic and I'm not sure I understand why other posters are justifying it.

There is two meanings to that statement and if you read it one way it looks like he is a perv bit the other way is just saying "yes it's a nice skirt but not on u" and being a protective father so give him the benefit of the doubt, he hardly meant oh I wish you weren't my daughter so I could get with you unless there had been major issues in the past

“When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’

’The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things.’

’The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘which is to be master — that’s all.”

― Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass

He made a comment its pervy if you want to believe its pervy or its a comment from a protective father if you want to believe that. Does he analyze everything you say looking for extra meanings?

He's just saying he doesn't like his daughter in a short dress but that it's a nice dress.

Women are only important in relation to men. It's deeply misogynistic and I'm not sure I understand why other posters are justifying it.

This. It's disappointing, to say the least, to read so many posts mocking the OP and her daughter for their concerns and putting their response down to man-hating nonsense. If men want to protect their daughters, they should do so by encouraging other men to change their behaviour, not by expecting their daughters to dress differently. It's pretty fucking simple.

Women are only important in relation to men.

nope, that's only you I am afraid

If men want to protect their daughters, they should do so by encouraging other men to change their behaviour, not by expecting their daughters to dress differently. It's pretty fucking simple.

Agreed! I dress very conservatively (I.e. don’t like showing legs or cleavage) but this resonates with me.

nope, that's only you I am afraid

No, she’s right @JosefKeller

Afraid not Highonpotandused, women around me are important in their own right, nothing to do with men...

Isn't he bothered he's damaged his relationship with his daughter?

Sounds like a good dad. He's protecting his daughter from the other sleaze bags around! Shouldn't have to but unfortunately he does have to.

I think he meant it in the way that he doesn’t want your daughter to wear a short dress. But I get why you don’t it weird

Hightop... How is he going to teach other men and boys he doesn't know this...? Surely what he's done is the best he can do.

Afraid not Highonpotandused, women around me are important in their own right, nothing to do with men...

I think you need to reread Mrs TP's post and mine quoting it. Neither of us think women are only important in relation to men - we're criticising those who do think this.

This is the sort of foot in mouth, poorly thought out comment I could imagine my DH making when our DD is older.

I agree he’s basically saying ‘I see that this dress is going to get you attention that I don’t want you to be subjected to as my daughter.’ It’s not a good thing to say, but I don’t see it as sleazy. Just extremely poorly worded.

Maybe talk to him about it and if he’s the sort who is willing to talk more plainly about his reason for the comment, have him discuss it with your DD so as to repair any damage caused? I’m the sort of person that calls that sort of thing out in the moment though so my course of action is usually quite direct!