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AIBU?

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Original poster

Weird comments from DH

193 replies

PassAnotherGlass · 02/02/2020 21:39

DD15 went shopping today, when she got back DH and I asked to see what she got. One of the items was a dress that was just above knee length. I told her it was lovely etc etc. DH, on the other hand, said “I’d like it if you weren’t my daughter” Confused. DD and I both found this really weird. He can’t see the problem. Am I being to sensitive?

OP posts:
maggieryan · 03/02/2020 16:53

you know your husband better than us. I wouldnt find that anyway weird if my husband said a throw away comment like that.

flyingspaghettimonster · 03/02/2020 17:01

My daughter will be 16 this week. She got a dress I bought her for a school dance and tried it on yesterday. It was very clingy velvet ruched dress with a mid thigh skirt. It hugged her figure and she looked amazing in it. I expected her dad to say something like "isn't it a bit tight/short", but he just told her she looked lovely and confident in it. Her brother told her she looked like an accordion 🤣

I doubt he meant to sound sleazy. He meant to express a dad being dismayed his little girl is grown up.

richele4 · 03/02/2020 17:05

Is this a serious thread?

Get a grip, OP, your husband has said nothing out of the ordinary as a father of a teenage girl. He just wants to protect her. Are you saying he should let his 15 year old daughter dress however she wants? There are just things that aren't appropriate and if your parents can't say that to you then who can?

I feel sorry for your husband. He tries to protect his daughter and gets painted as a pervert who fancies his own daughter. What an awful thread

Kit19 · 03/02/2020 17:11

I don’t think he’s perving on his own daughter at all

I do think he’s being misogynistic with his “Id like it if you aren’t my daughter” implying if He saw another girl/woman wearing it he’d happily have a good look. So it’s fine for him to look at other women but not for other men to look at his little girl.

HavenDilemma · 03/02/2020 17:17

I read it as "If you were wearing that and weren't my daughter......🤮"

Scbchl · 03/02/2020 17:17

Its his way of saying he thinks it's too overly sexual for his daughter to wear at 15. Not that he thinks anything creepy about his daughter.

windycuntryside · 03/02/2020 17:23

What a creepy perverted comment, reminds of Trump and why he said about his daughter, sleezy bastard.

windycuntryside · 03/02/2020 17:24

What . Not why

JosefKeller · 03/02/2020 17:26

What a creepy perverted comment, reminds of Trump and why he said about his daughter, sleezy bastard.

jumping to ^^ THAT conclusion is what I find frightening. Some posters really have some deep issues, I hope they haven't got any kids, it's shocking

Sparkletastic · 03/02/2020 17:30

Women and girls are allowed to wear short, tight clothes if they want.

fairlyplump · 03/02/2020 17:33

Some of the comments from some of you are unreal, you have sick minds. I personally think, he things it is too short, simple as that !!

JosefKeller · 03/02/2020 17:35

Women and girls are allowed to wear short, tight clothes if they want.
my daughters (and sons for the matter) are not allowed to wear any clothes I judge inappropriate, whatever the reason. That's my job as a parent to teach them to be appropriate.

maggieryan · 03/02/2020 17:35

bit disgusting the way you see it as sleezy, are you seeing it as him saying if you werent my daughter id fancy you...i see it more as in if you werent my daughter then yes, its a nice dress, but cause you are my daughter its too short....j

WellHolyGodMiley · 03/02/2020 17:56

The OP was there. It is her husband. She knows him. Her intuition caused her to ask this question. Something felt uncomfortable OP
Don't completely suppress that OP no matter how many race to label you an hysteric. Just remember that you paused to ask yourself if something that felt uncomfortable at the time was ok.

busybarbara · 03/02/2020 18:08

The OP was there. It is her husband. She knows him

That doesn’t fly. If she really knew him she’d know it was either a totally innocent or a sleazy comment and wouldn’t be asking on here.

Vanhi · 03/02/2020 18:17

It’s actually really grim to think about op and her 15 yo daughter both convinced the husband/Dad was having pervy thoughts about the dd.

The OP hasn't said sleazy or perverted at all. She's said 'weird' and 'weird' is very different. I didn't take it as him being attracted to his daughter. I did take it as odd. It sounds possessive. As I said earlier, and as some PP have also said, when a man tries to protect his daughter, you have to ask yourself, from what. Very often men will protect 'their' women from things they're not bothered about happening to other women.

When fathers try to 'protect' girls by saying they shouldn't be wearing clothes that are short or revealing, they're saying men will perv on women who do not dress modestly and that this is the fault of women for not dressing modestly. It's that that is weird or off.

PositiveVibez · 03/02/2020 18:20

but it is an honest reflection on how adult men will see his 15 year old daughter who is young & unlikely to have the experience to manage the attention

Then he is judging others by his own standards.

WellHolyGodMiley · 03/02/2020 18:44

It does fly
We are all conditioned to ignore our intuition, see the best in a husband, we become blind to what is clear to outsiders. That is not a conclusion here just a reminder so OP don't dismiss your intuition before you have let your thoughts do a lap of the intuition.

Ginseng1 · 03/02/2020 19:00

What a weird reaction from OP. Its a typical dad comment in my book. Wouldn't bat an eyelid if my Dh said it.

busybarbara · 03/02/2020 19:06

@Ginseng1 Agreed, but on here apparently a man prioritising his own daughter’s safety means he wants to violate the safety of other people’s daughters.. “Jump To Conclusions” could be MN’s board game.

Sharkyfan · 03/02/2020 19:06

I read it as a cliche “you’re not going out in that!” Kind of thing a parent of either sex might say.
And that he had a bit of a moment realising his daughter had suddenly grown up.

BigFatLiar · 03/02/2020 19:17

We are all conditioned to ignore our intuition, see the best in a husband, we become blind to what is clear to outsiders

Not on Mumsnet! Here we see the worst in any mans comment/action.

Like many others I see it as 'nice dress but not appropriate for my daughter'. i.e. too short/too tight etc His daughters growing up, he'll adjust, sometimes we don't want to accept that they are but she's still at the age where she needs a bit of guidance from mum and dad about whats appropriate.

TomPinch · 04/02/2020 00:13

As a father I have two options in this situation.

  1. Say nothing on the basis that doing so is mum's job (ie, it's wifework).
  1. Say something and risk being labelled a perve.

I suppose there is a third option: parents give their children no guidance on what they should and shouldn't wear.

Helpinghim · 04/02/2020 00:56

He obviously just doesn't like it on his kid because it's short. Jeez

pallisers · 04/02/2020 01:03

There is a third option, TomPinch

  1. say that you don't like the dress without saying you would like it if a different girl "not my daughter" was wearing it.

Simple really - don't need to start saying anything about how you view other women or sexualising teenagers. just say you don't like the bloody dress.

And it is still really interesting to me that the daughter in the OP felt there was something weird about what her dad said but her feeling is utterly dismissed in favour of all the posters views of this.

The daughter felt it was weird. Not "shut up dad I'll wear what I want" or "for gods sake dad everyone is wearing this length of skirt" but WEIRD. But lets dismiss what this 15 year old felt - par for the course really.