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Original poster

Weird comments from DH

193 replies

PassAnotherGlass · 02/02/2020 21:39

DD15 went shopping today, when she got back DH and I asked to see what she got. One of the items was a dress that was just above knee length. I told her it was lovely etc etc. DH, on the other hand, said “I’d like it if you weren’t my daughter” Confused. DD and I both found this really weird. He can’t see the problem. Am I being to sensitive?

OP posts:
CameFromAway · 03/02/2020 05:34

Ew. Just ew. Not ok.

kiaorasvetlana · 03/02/2020 05:38

I think it's a badly worded version of you aren't leaving the house in that.

AnnaFiveTowns · 03/02/2020 05:47

Just gross. He's basically saying that he likes to perv at other girls wearing short skirts but he doesn't want other men to perv at his daughter. Hypocrital and inappropriate.

myrtleWilson · 03/02/2020 05:55

Slightly off tangent but where's everyone getting the idea this is a short dress from? 'Just above knee length' is around school uniform requirements surely (think ours is no more than 5cm above knees)

WhereShallWeMoveTo · 03/02/2020 06:08

I think it was a badly worded way of saying he likes it, but it looks a bit to sexy and he's uncomfortable with his DD wearing it.

That in itself is problematic and a bit hypocritical, unless he's just referring to the fact he considered her a bit young to be dressing in a way that might be considered sexy or attractive to men. He still wants to see her as a little girl.

But I don't think he's saying he fancies her in it and it's a shame he can't make a move because she's his DD. I know it could be construed as that but I'm sure that's just an unfortunate coincidence.

Vanhi · 03/02/2020 06:54

A man perpetuating the sexualisation of women through clothing choices.

Yes, it's this really. And the way he says it highlights to me the attitude of 'it's OK for me to eye up other men's daughters. It's not OK for them to eye up my daughter'. Fatherly concern over men eyeing up their daughters is often (not always) more about protecting a possession. And when my dad did it, it always made me think 'well what do you think they're going to do that you haven't done to someone at some point? If you being male gives you some extra insight into the male psyche, then what does your concern about men say about you?'

BusterGonad · 03/02/2020 07:10

I've not read all the responses but he said that about a dress just above the knee! Jeepers he needs to get a grip. Fair enough if it was a bodycon dress from one the TOWIE lots ranges!
And yes, it does sound a tad creepy but some men are old school like that and can't see how inappropriate their comments are.

BusterGonad · 03/02/2020 07:14

What I mean is, there are better ways to express your views. Like 'I think that dress is a little too short for you at your age' or 'how about some black tights under it, that'll look lovely'

Sassanacs · 03/02/2020 07:20

Why does the word sexy come into it at all... it was his 15 year old child showing him a piece of clothing and he sexualised it.

Hmm that's gross OP

Fivetillmidnight · 03/02/2020 07:46

This will be split down the middle between hysterical posters who see every male as a potential serial rapist , calling 'yuck' 'perv' etc - and logical posters who see it as a comment that the father doesn't like the idea of his child wearing a 'sexy' dress.

The understanding from the comment between the two groups is diametrically opposes. The first assumes the father has sexual desire towards his daughter .
The second states that he doesn't even want to begin thinking of his daughter in that way - and doesn't like the idea of others (who may see her in this dress) thinking in her that way either.

Hmmmm wonder which one that would be?

WellHolyGodMiley · 03/02/2020 07:49

Geez shutvdown the internet. And the courts. Fivetilmidnight has spoken

BusterGonad · 03/02/2020 08:15

My dad makes cringy comments and I do not like it, I never have. He doesn't realise its cringy because he's from the age of Benny Hill etc. I hate it and I'm by no means a sensitive type. Generally I can laugh at any thing but I just don't like it.

butterpuffed · 03/02/2020 08:30

He meant the dress would be better suited to someone older , he's being protective. Can't believe that PPs are calling OP's DH pervy and creepy.

QuizzlyBear · 03/02/2020 08:47

I recently saw a photo of Millie Bobbie Brown (then 14 I think) wearing thigh high boots and a dress that - though it nearly reached her knees - was a skin tight wiggle style. It was a really lovely dress and I liked it - but not on her.

Whilst I'd defend her choices to the hilt - she's not MY daughter - if I was her parent there's no way in hell I'd want her barely pubescent body showcased in that way. It's sexualising someone before they're ready IMO. I imagine the OPs DH felt the same way.

I loved the dress though! Just not on a child.

Branleuse · 03/02/2020 09:02

I think some people think its a crime that men actually do find many women sexually attractive and that both men and women commonly categorise clothes as sexy and non sexy, and they DO objectify women they dont know.

In the absence of them actually doing anything about it, then are we talking anout thought crime, because what he said, doesnt sound particularly sinister.

BusterGonad · 03/02/2020 09:13

I suppose it depends on the dress and the way it was said, if it was a paisley polyester number from the back of a Sunday magazine then yeah, it would look good on someone older!

BusterGonad · 03/02/2020 09:22

I think it's the fact he said he'd like it on someone older, which without seeing the dress automatically makes me think it was a figure showing dress and he'd like to see a woman in it, not his 15 yo daughter, which then makes me think it's a bit skeezy! Of course it could all be very innocent. We do not know the man or the dress.

DameHannahRelf · 03/02/2020 09:26

I read somewhere that often the sleazier the man, the more protective he'll be of his daughter one day. Because he knows the worst that can go through young mens heads, and thinks they're all as bad as him. It's sexist, hypocritical, and gross, and I'd say the dad in the op seems like a good example of that mentallity.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 03/02/2020 09:30

He's basically displaying that cognitive dissonance that many men are capable of - the ability to think that certain things are OK as long as they are happening to other men's women. So he would be fine eyeing up another young woman wearing that dress but has no desire to think of any man looking on his daughter in a sexual way.

It's in the same ballpark as those men who can only get angry about sexual harassment or rape if it happens to a woman within their family unit - it's not the idea of violence against women per se that upsets them, it's the idea of it happening to one of their women.

DameHannahRelf · 03/02/2020 09:34

It's just another example of the madonna-whore complex. Woman are either saints or prostitutes, sweet little girls or filthy scarlet women. He wants his dd to stay pure and innocent, but obviously doesn't want all women to be like that. And it makes me wonder in what sort of light he really sees the op.

meredithgrey1 · 03/02/2020 09:41

Depends if he meant:

"It's a nice dress but not appropriate for my teenager." (I think I can remember my mum saying something similar about something I wanted to wear but that she felt was too short for me at that age. Obviously people can differ on what they think is appropriate at what age but most people draw a line somewhere)

Or if he meant:

"I would like how you looked in that dress if you weren't my daughter."
Which is creepy

loserssaywhat · 03/02/2020 10:16

He meant he'd like the dress on someone else's daughter where he'd feel comfortable perving. He doesn't want men perving on his daughter in a short dress though.
Typical Male nonsense if you ask me.
And yes it's a bit creepy and inappropriate because the message it sends isn't great.

CSIblonde · 03/02/2020 10:22

I'd say it meant its hard seeing his little girl grow up & become a young woman, which the dress makes him realise she is. He wants her to stay a little girl.

MintyMabel · 03/02/2020 11:06

He was basically saying yes that’s an attractive dress but I don’t like the idea of my own daughter showing off her legs like that.

But it is ok for someone else’s daughter to do so, in order for him to perv at them?

MintyMabel · 03/02/2020 11:09

”It's a nice dress but not appropriate for my teenager."

The dress is a problem but only for the women he thinks are “his”

Surely the dress is either appropriate for all teenagers or none? Why only inappropriate for his teenager?