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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset BF went to see family

165 replies

SummerBreeze1980 · 02/02/2020 17:35

Namechanged.

My boyfriend and I have just had a silly argument. Resolved and all ok but still thinking each other is right.

I had an afternoon to myself today as my DC were with their dad. My boyfriend and I planned to spend it together. He arrived at midday and I was expecting him to stay until the DC came back at 5. At 2.30pm he phoned his DM and she told him her DD and GC were coming over (his sister, neice or nephew). He then decided he wanted to go over too and would leave mine at 3pm.

The reason I was upset was I won't see him again for 3 weeks (my next free afternoon) and he can visit his family anytime during the week and had seen his DM and DS during the week for a whole day and his DM a few other times in the week too. His argument was why shouldn't he be able to see his family and he had already seen me today and spent 3 hours with me.

AIBU to be upset he cut our afternoon short to visit family?

OP posts:
BercowsFlyingFlamingo · 02/02/2020 17:43

Could you not have gone with him for an hour? Why is it 3 weeks until you can see him again? Could you get a babysitter and go out in the evening?

Original poster
SummerBreeze1980 · 02/02/2020 18:04

@BercowsFlyingFlamingo - I could of perhaps gone but would have been 35 min there and back for less than an hour but he didn't ask me to go (I didn't ask to go either but did say we could have planned it so we both got to visit his family). The reason I won't see him for the next 3 weeks is the DC dad had them this week and last so I have them for the next 2 weekends. Going out in the evening isn't possible, unfortunately.

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 02/02/2020 18:04

Guess he’s not into you .... sorry.

Original poster
SummerBreeze1980 · 02/02/2020 18:07

@AlwaysCheddar - hmmm not sure I think that as a one off in 2 years!

OP posts:
Batshittery · 02/02/2020 18:09

He's entitled to see his family as often as he likes imo. I can't see the big deal. Why can he not visit you when the DC are there? How long have you been together?

katy1213 · 02/02/2020 18:10

If you can only see him once every three weeks, by your own choice, you're not really a girlfriend, you're a friend. You can't blame him for not investing too much in this tenuous relationship.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/02/2020 18:13

If you've been together for two years and you can't make any free time for him for the next three weeks, it sounds like you don't really prioritise the relationship... so he hasn't either, and he's gone to see his family. That's pretty fair enough.

Paintedmaypole · 02/02/2020 18:15

After 2 years seeing him why is it still not okay for him to be there when the children are at home? It sounds as if both of you want a limited relationship, which is okay if it's what you both want but won't work if either of you wants a stronger commitment.

TidyDancer · 02/02/2020 18:16

Can you not see him with the DCs there? I'm not seeing why this is a huge deal tbh unless there's more to it.

Iooselipssinkships · 02/02/2020 18:19

If he hasn't met the kids yet, which is fine as your choice completely, could he come over while they're asleep in bed?

BercowsFlyingFlamingo · 02/02/2020 18:20

After 2 years it sounds very non-committal. If you can't go out in the evenings how did you manage to date at the start? After 2 years I'd not see an issue with him being around when you have the dc unless there's a massive drip feed. I wouldn't class this as a relationship tbh.

hidinginthenightgarden · 02/02/2020 18:20

Why can't he see you in the week when the kids are in bed?

KellyHall · 02/02/2020 18:23

Why can't he come over to yours when your dc are there?

Why didn't you think to go with him to see his family?

Why do you think seeing each other once in 3 weeks constitutes being bf/gf?

northernknickers · 02/02/2020 18:23

I'm the same as other posters in not understanding why you can't see each other when you have your children?? It's not a new relationship...so why can't he come round to yours when the children are there? Sounds very odd to me 🤷‍♀️

Sirzy · 02/02/2020 18:24

So after two weeks you will only see him once every 3 weeks for 5 hours but he is expected to keep that time clear for you?

Sirzy · 02/02/2020 18:24

Years not weeks

SemperIdem · 02/02/2020 18:28

I’m sure there are good reasons why you only see each other for 5 hours every three weeks but it does seem a strange set up.

oktoberfestisuponus · 02/02/2020 18:29

I'm struggling to understand why he can't come round to yours or go out with your children if you've been together two years?

adaline · 02/02/2020 18:31

You've been together for two years, but he can't come over while your DC are home? Why not?

recycledbottle · 02/02/2020 18:39

He doesnt seem that bothered about you when he cuts the day short to see his DM who he has already seen several times the past week. You don't seem that bothered about him if you won't see him for three weeks with no flexibility about that.

Geneshish · 02/02/2020 18:40

Maybe time to introduce him to your kids?!

thewinkingprawn · 02/02/2020 18:42

It sounds to me like he’s fed up with something. If he can see them anytime and you only now and again (although another one who thinks if you aren’t in a place where he can be there when your kids are after 2 years then something is up) then the fact he chose to do that does say something. I’d try and get to the bottom of what that is if I were you

Fishcakey · 02/02/2020 18:48

If you think he's into you OP, why is this even a post?!

Marbu · 02/02/2020 18:50

hmmm not sure I think that as a one off in 2 years!

If it's a one off in 2 years I don't really know why you're making a big deal out of it.
But there's something amiss here. You've been together for 2 years but you're not going to see him for three weeks because of your children. Is there a reason why you don't want him to spend time with you and the children?

I think it sounds like neither of you are really invested in this relationship. If you were you would make more time for each other and he wouldn't disappear off to see his family when he knows he's not going to see you for another 3 weeks.

GrumpyHoonMain · 02/02/2020 18:50

He isn’t really a boyfriend, just a friend with benefits.