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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by shopping as a family outing?

520 replies

Sweetbabycheezits · 02/02/2020 16:21

I normally do the food shop on Saturday or Sunday morning. It's not rammed, but it's fairly busy, and one of the things that makes it so busy is entire families grocery shopping together. Yesterday, it was mum, dad and 3 kids maybe 5/6 and under...why?? The kids were bored and whingy, in the way, touching everything on the shelves. Surely one parent can stay home with kids, and one can do the shopping? I totally understand lone parents who work in the week having to take the kids along, but can't for the life of me understand why on earth the whole family needs to go? I'm probably just grumpy lol, so it could be that IABU...

OP posts:
Imsosorryalan75 · 03/02/2020 19:39

I wasn't going to bite but seeing all these comments about manchildren, gives me the rage.

Seriously, if you dont trust your partner to do a family shop, they need MORE practice, not less!

Jenala · 03/02/2020 19:40

Sometimes we stop at the supermarket on the way home from somewhere else. Often we try and leave the kids in the car and one of us stays with them but sometimes we have to all go in because it's actually less grief, or one of them needs the loo etc. Apologies for having the audacity of having a family that are sometimes all out together. The fucking audacity.

nickkinix · 03/02/2020 19:44

We have to go as a family, I'm the only one that drives, but I can't do any heavy lifting due to a recent operation so hubby has to come which also means the kids do too! Trust me, I'd really rather not take them and I hate every single second but it's unavoidable

JCSAR · 03/02/2020 19:50

YABVU. The people taking their children shopping with them pay the same for their shopping as those who don’t and have as much right to be there as you do. I do my shopping online but the times my husband and I do go shopping we take our children and I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty or make apologies for it. Get over yourselves!

Thewarrenerswife · 03/02/2020 19:51

Why do people feel the need to justify why they shop as a family? I’m going to do it from now on just to piss off all the Poe faced uptight control freaks on this thread. In fact I’m going to borrow some friends kids and maybe some cousins, and really go to town. I might even give them a breakfast of haribo before hand....

Mumgonenuts2020 · 03/02/2020 20:17

Online saves so much stress they still have input and also unpack sometimes which saves on queuing, trolley rage and the expense on bags, also if they chose something naughty take it off and replace it with something more healthier. My husband shops for his own, but I am starting crack the habits of ordering his Online As well.. if you take them you end up getting all crap foods and half the stuff you were planning to get you forget 😄😄👍

HairyPottyMouth · 03/02/2020 20:19

There is no excuse NOT to drive too and share driving. It's not the 1950s but fgs all these women on here who keep saying 'DH drives but I dont' LEARN !

Seriously? I don’t drive, nor do I WANT to! Public transport works fine, and when when we get the big shop in, DH does it. That’s not to say that we haven’t been shopping with DS too. The sooner kids are taught what behaviour is expected of them in different situation, the better.
All the folk on here moaning, do you expect kids to be kept out of site until they are 18 and released in to the world as fully functioning adults? Get a grip.

KennyRogersWasNotInStarWars · 03/02/2020 20:22

@FelicisNox my husband shops and cooks as do the many, many male chefs. Aside from that what do you think gay men, bi men in a same sex relationship and single men do? They just wander around looking lost until a woman does their shopping and cooking for them because they can’t cope with doing it themselves? Confused

Tubs11 · 03/02/2020 20:28

Two words....
Online shopping

JCSAR · 03/02/2020 20:28

@ Thewarrenerswife well said!!! 😂😂😂

MummysBusy · 03/02/2020 20:29

My blanket rule for any public space: if you can clearly tell that somewhere has made allowances for children, yabvvu to complain about seeing children there.

BillHadersNewWife · 03/02/2020 20:33

I can't drive and I still do it alone! I use a rucksack and two strong bags...and get the bus! It's my workout. Sometimes I have to do it twice a week but I certainly don't make DH drive me on his day off!

goose1964 · 03/02/2020 20:40

Let week I had to take DGS shopping as my daughter and husband were ill and I agreed to babysit. He lives in another town and the supermarket is on the way to the station. He walked around very happily eating his apple. Not all kids are badly behaved.

Bobsandbitz · 03/02/2020 20:45

There is no excuse NOT to drive too and share driving. It's not the 1950s but fgs all these women on here who keep saying 'DH drives but I dont' LEARN !!

Bit aggressive. Maybe they don't want to? And that's fine too, you know - they're not moaning, just stating the fact they don't drive.

I drive every day. But I have no problem with people who can't / won't.

I find it hilarious that something this trivial has got people arguing. Don't like other people in shops? Well, then you probably don't like other people in general. I suggest stay in yourself. Shop online, stop moaning. Grin Everyone has a right to be in the shops, kids or no kids.... I really don't see the problem...

formerbabe · 03/02/2020 20:50

Lived with dh for well over a decade and have never once done the weekly shop together. I go by myself or with the kids, they quite enjoy it. If I suggested to my dh that we go together, he'd think I'd lost my mind. I actually love food shopping though!

falcon5 · 03/02/2020 20:58

But.... I like to go shop sometimes too? DH does the shopping he is the SAHD so he needs to do all the bulk of the shopping normally in the week but sometimes it happens it's not been done till the weekend. And then I might think... hey I'd like to go look on the shop.and see if I fancy anything. And it's 10 miles to the shop so we go at the same time and so DS goes too..... this all seems fairly reasonable to me.but 17 pages suggest not 🤣

notforonesecond · 03/02/2020 21:01

My Saturday morning treat is a lie in while DH takes our 1 and 3 year olds to Morrison’s/Aldi. I couldn’t give a shit if them being there with him annoys other shoppers because it’s a blissful 1-1.5 hours where none of them are annoying me!

msgreen · 03/02/2020 21:03

We often do your shop on the way home from doing something else , not everyone lives near a shop .and trying to use less fuel
Is important for the climate!!!
Cutting our car journeys where we can
Just saying

Goldenbear · 03/02/2020 21:17

There's always the references to 'the screaming kids' on these kinds of threads, yes, very young children will occasionally be loud but I never see lots of screaming children that are 7 plus, I live in the kind of area where children scoot around the 'local Sainsburys' but I still don't hear lots of screaming. My DD has tried to scoot around the local supermarket, I've stopped her but unless it's really fast I can't say it really bothers me when other young children do it. I genuinely do not care, I think if you are searching hard enough you will find an irritating shopper or shoppers from a variety of sources. Isn't this part and parcel of ring amongst the general public? Surely you expect chaos and noise at a supermarket rather than a Zen gathering!

ddl1 · 03/02/2020 21:22

'If you have a DP with a car, are not disabled in both hands AND feet, have at least one fully functioning eye and do not suffer from an uncontrolled condition such as day and night epilepsy. There is no excuse NOT to drive too and share driving.'

People can be disabled in ways that don't come strictly in these categories. I have two eyes, etc., but have problems with visual processing (somewhat in the same category as dyslexia, though I'm not dyslexic) and have very poor visual reaction times and severe difficulty in co-ordinating my movements with others, especially at high speed. I have been advised not to drive. My issues may not be instantly obvious, and frankly it's bad enough to have the resulting restrictions without being harshly judged as lazy.

And for my own and everyone else's safety as pedestrians, I would much rather that other people who are not optimally capable drivers refrain from doing so (it may not be such a common issue in people my age, but it's quite common in older people, who are understandably reluctant to give up the independence of a car, but in some cases possibly should).

In any case, people should just divide their chores as suits them. Not just assume that the woman does all the shopping and the man all the driving, etc.; but also not assume that everyone is equally good at everything. It's an individual issue, not as gender issue.

wingsanddreams · 03/02/2020 21:23

Today's kids are tomorrow's adults. My kids do house work, such as tidying up, washing up, sorting rubbish, helping each other and doing shopping. Although I do most shopping during the week, sometimes at weekends we all go to supermarket so everyone works in a team. DH prints out recipes, DD scans barcode, DS finds items on the shelves, etc. Occasionally they run a bit, or stand in other customers' way, but we apologise and accomplish the task. I think removing chores from kids' life for the sake of convenience is lazy parenting. We are bringing up children to learn how to live independently, healthily and cooperatively. I'm afraid life education takes time, patience and energy. I am pretty sure my children won't be eating ready-meals every night when they are in their 30s.

pauapaua · 03/02/2020 21:24

I don’t drive so dh always had to come to drive home with all the groceries and therefore so did the dc because we couldn’t leave them with anyone.

Why wasn't your DH capable of doing the shopping without you?

FizzyIce · 03/02/2020 21:25

We’ve always all gone shopping together , can fuck right off if you think only one parent should do it ,it’s quicker with two my children have never seen it as boring , just necessary

ddl1 · 03/02/2020 21:26

PS I happen to live 10 minutes or less walking distance from the Co-op and another reasonable shop, so I'm not demanding that people drive me there either! I also do some shopping online, and would do much more if I didn't live so close to shops.

pauapaua · 03/02/2020 21:29

Dh worked a 60 hour week, I was doing most of the cooking and it was easier for me to actually be there and see what was on offer than for him to work from a list and risk missing a lot of stuff because it was unavailable

Then write your list and suggest an alternative if he can't think for himself. I write the list and put what I am cooking at the top so if something is not available I know what to substitute it for - anybody who can cook is capable of that.