To end things because he hasn't come home... AGAIN!

[SmoothieOperator]

For context I am 25 have two young children and have been with my DP for 5 years.

I just need some perspective and wondering if I am being unreasonable or if it's a normal part of a relationship.

This isn't the first time he has disappeared all night and normally I will not hear from until the morning. Last time I couldn't make contact with him until 9am!

I know he has a right to have a social life and I'm okay with that but surely out of respect for your partner you should at least at the minimum let me know you're not coming home so I don't suspect the worse.

I think I'm more pissed off at the fact I've looked after the kids all day yesterday and will be doing so today while he swans off care free.

Is this really worth breaking up over or am I being overly dramatic?

I'm sorry to see you were attacked by Sall - from the deletions and some comments, I can tell it must have been nasty - no need for that. At all.

I'm sorry you've decided to split up you poor love. You must be heartbroken. What a shit he is to leave you with no option.

Get your UC claim in today, as a single person - once that comes through, turf him out that front door. Best of luck with it. Maybe other posters can help if you need to apply for more than UC. I think the 'aim' of UC was to simplify things (sigh), but no doubt, apart from making life unmanageable, it hasn't achieved that either. How old are your children? Can you get free childcare and maybe take up some work while they're there? It could top up your income maybe.

Best way to find out if it's unreasonable is to have your DP watch the kids while you pop out, tell him you'll be back in a few hours, and then turn off your phone, get yourself a nice hotel room, have a bubble bath, order takeout and watch movies in perfect peace and quiet !

Send him a text at 9am, just like he did with you.

If he screams blue murder that you should've contacted him blah blah, simply say ''You told me yourself that doing this was no big deal, so chill ! But if it's not OK for ME to do it, then it's not Ok for YOU to do it either!''

He's going to wriggle his way back in. The apologies, the tears and he's staying put because he has no where to go? I'll bet he's not in a rush to leave

It's good to hear other peoples experiences. It still feels raw but I'm just trying to keep it as normal for the kids. I work part time so I know I'll be entitled to tax credit (shamefully this isn't the first time we've broken up) as for housing how would I go about it , do I kick him out and not afford or the rent or go straight to the council? I am grateful for all the advice I just wish it didn't have to be this way.

"Maybe he's not aware how selfish he is being" What color is the sky in your imaginary world?!

@Rubyupbeat
Exactly what else would a man with young children who has ONE MORE THAN ONE OCCASION stayed out overnight a whim to do god knows what need to for it to be selfish?

And not realising doesn’t make it any better

Except I suspect this man knows exactly what he is doing

@SmoothieOperator hope you’re ok

What was his reaction OP? Was he happy enough to accept what you said or was he trying to win you back over?

Àre you both on the tenancy agreement? If he's not, you can kick him out. You can apply for help with the rent, plus council tax single person's discount, as well as other help with that.
If he is on the tenancy, you might be better going to the council, and let your landlord know you're leaving.

Shagging around, clearly.

The council wont rehouse you until you are classed as homeless, i.e. your landlord gets a possession order. Just been through it myself, theres not enough homes for people.

I’m glad you found the strength to end things, this will never improve. Using his age as an excuse is bollocks, the OP is the same age and she isn’t using it as an excuse to go out getting wasted till 1pm the next day . I reckon he’s cheated tbh, there’s no way he hasn’t slept over at someone’s house anyway.

Don’t take him back, I’d imagine he’ll grovel a bit over the next few weeks until he can leave but don’t give in.

No tax credits anymore OP. Have a look on the entitled to site, it's all UC now and that includes housing element. Make a claim straight away. You can get a same day advance payment if you need to. Child maintenance won't be taken into account so that's in addition. You claim on line.
Stay strong
You did the right thing. Wait for the grovel when he realises you mean it.

Child benefit is also separate from UC

Do you get paid monthly or weekly from work? This is important for UC and when you should apply for it.

@jelly79 thank you, that's really kind xx

@HuskyloverI nice one - just what the OP needs to hear that!

OP can he continue to contribute for the time being and live elsewhere to make this an easier transition for your DCs. Just stay in the house for a few months until you can decide on next steps and finances? Has he got anywhere else he can go to so you don't have to make too many changes right now. That would be the decent thing which he owes you x

jelly79 so, where do you think this guy is until 9am?

I was you 6 years ago. I know it’s tough. But you absolutely will not regret this; however things pan out in the end. You’re doing the right thing.