To end things because he hasn't come home... AGAIN!

[SmoothieOperator]

For context I am 25 have two young children and have been with my DP for 5 years.

I just need some perspective and wondering if I am being unreasonable or if it's a normal part of a relationship.

This isn't the first time he has disappeared all night and normally I will not hear from until the morning. Last time I couldn't make contact with him until 9am!

I know he has a right to have a social life and I'm okay with that but surely out of respect for your partner you should at least at the minimum let me know you're not coming home so I don't suspect the worse.

I think I'm more pissed off at the fact I've looked after the kids all day yesterday and will be doing so today while he swans off care free.

Is this really worth breaking up over or am I being overly dramatic?

Of course it's not normal, and as someone else so rightly says above his right to time to himself is the same as yours - not greater. He is behaving like a collosal unwashed arsehole.

Whether to leave him now or "get your ducks in a row" I can't say. Are you working? Do you have supportive family? How does he respond when you call him out on his atrocious behaviour? Is couples counseling to get him to hear and understand your point of view something you can imagine him considering, or is he the type of blustering little misogynist who expects his little woman to put up and shut up and would see counseling as for more reasonable people wimps or something?

I ended a relationship, with very young children, for that reason. I think he was cheating, but ultimately it didn't matter if he was or not. The damage was already done.

Life is too short. Dump him, freedom from worrying about shit like this is so liberating

Cross pist - if only started 3 months ago and is suddenly happening regularly he's either having an affair or has started taking recreational drugs. Either way yes, in that case you need to get rid.

I'd make sure you're set up first though - definitely stay in your home with your children, and plan long term to be single, yep.

How frequently does this happen? I wouldn't be bothered about the being out late, I'd be bothered about the lack of communication, that shows total disrespect on him part.

If it's not frequent and this is the second time in say 3 years I'd be reading him the riot act and telling him he NEEDS to be contactable for the children of nothing else.
If this is a more regular occurrence, but you've not talked about it in the past, he'd get the riot act and told to sort himself out or he will be out on his ear.
If it's frequent and its been talked about, sorry but he'd be gone, no chances as previous conversations would have been those chances.

Too many variables for why he’s gone off grid and I’d be kept awake all night fuming/worried thinking he was shagging some one or dead in a ditch.

Has he got a binge drinking problem?

This situation wouldn’t be for me.

Oh sorry I missed page 2 and your update.
I think you've done the right thing. It's not worth you worrying what he's doing, and you deserve to be happy and respected.

You deserve better. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My DH does this. I hate it. BUT he is otherwise a great dad and husband. I trust him and don't think he is cheating on me. (I'm sure I'll hear how wrong I am for this from some on mumsnet though - how could a woman possibly trust her husband?)

So I hate it. But as it's literally the only thing he does that's bang out of order and only happens about once every three months I decided to just live with it (he works very hard, pays to support us, helps with more than his fair share of the housework, is great with the kids).

Last time he did it I was at my limit with the kids so when he got home I buggered off for some 'me time'. But if shopping, spot of lunch and had my nails done. Didn't rush home and ignored all his calls and messages. He couldn't say anything.

It's really disrespectful behaviour. You deserve much better.

I know people who have partners who do this pretty regularly and it doesn’t bother them in the slightest. Not something I could put up with, but each to their own!

@sall74 do fuck off. Your opinion isn't helpful or beneficial, just judgemental. Let's hope you never find yourself in the OP's position!

OP it's not behaviour I would tolerate, especially when you have two young children. Do you have family or friends around for support?

@sall74 the OP could be stinking rich for all you know and be totally self sufficient without this feckless man. It's weird the conclusions youve drawn with such little information.

sall74 really??

@sal74

I know a sahm who ended up on benefits because her working husband molested her daughter should she have stayed or is she allowed to be in benefits while she beats herself up and has a breakdown over it all?

Surprisingly everyone thinks he is nice and it cant be true

Well I won't lie, in my thirties I used to do what your husband did, but we didn't have kids yet. Not my proudest era. Wouldn't dream of it now though because I go to bed at 10pm. If a major part of it is that he is unable to look after the kids the next day, tell him that he can do what he wishes, but that you get one whole day of the weekend all to yourself too and hold him to that.

OP, you have to do what feels right for you. I would hate the lack of communication, it's disrespectful at the least.

He's a dog!!!! Ditch him

Well he wouldn't just not tell his boss where he is if he goes out for lunch break etc, so why on earth is it ok for him to do this to his partner AND whilst he's got kids at home?

Wow... @sall74, I so hope you're being a goady fucker for the sake of it and that's not how you really feel.