To end things because he hasn't come home... AGAIN!

[SmoothieOperator]

For context I am 25 have two young children and have been with my DP for 5 years.

I just need some perspective and wondering if I am being unreasonable or if it's a normal part of a relationship.

This isn't the first time he has disappeared all night and normally I will not hear from until the morning. Last time I couldn't make contact with him until 9am!

I know he has a right to have a social life and I'm okay with that but surely out of respect for your partner you should at least at the minimum let me know you're not coming home so I don't suspect the worse.

I think I'm more pissed off at the fact I've looked after the kids all day yesterday and will be doing so today while he swans off care free.

Is this really worth breaking up over or am I being overly dramatic?

@sall74 I’m a taxpayer and very glad that we live in a country where people who need help can get it. Let’s hope you never need it hey?

sall74 is just one of those posters that can talk shit and be nasty because they are behind a screen, smirking and tapping away.

What a joy!!

OP I'm so sorry that you are going through this! You must feel dreadful!

Where does he say he is?? Do you think he may be taking drugs when he goes out??

@sall74 Go back to bed and get out the other side. The OP is 25 for crying out loud. She needs help and advice not a lecture on your political opinions

It’s very irresponsible and selfish of him to disappear without contact, yes. Leaving you wondering and worrying is unkind and I’d be angry about it too. If he does a lot of this I’d be furious.

sall74 be careful there, your ignorance is showing.

And what LEM said too - perhaps you are unhappy in your life...but try not to take it out on a stranger who is looking for advice and support and about whom you know nothing. You’re being a dick.

It's just common decency to keep you informed what time he will be coming home. My ex used to do this type of thing and I used to worry he'd been in an accident. I couldn't sleep for hours, it just wasn't fair.

@SmoothieOperator this isn’t the sort of thing you should do to your partner let alone your partner and children

Imagine what he would do if you went out one night and sloped back in the next day without so much as a discussion and understanding between the two of you

I think you need to clear in your mind what this means and take it from there. Behaviour like this is often indicative of something else too.

sall74....what planet are you on ?oh perfect one...

I'm sorry OP. It sounds like he has either met someone else or is on drugs. You are better of without him.

OP if you are only 25 I guess your partner is also young and is probably more immature and thoughtless than you. When my young adult sons go out I have had to explain to them that if you love someone you worry whether they are safe and so a quick text to let me know they are not coming back saves me the worry. You are not your partners mum and shouldn't be having to explain this but ask him how he would feel if you just didn't come home one night.

I didn't start a thread to debate about whether I'd be on benefits or not if I decide to LTB. Isn't it nice to live in such a perfect world? This is very much real life for me. Would I have had kids with him if I knew he would be a complete twat no, but here I am in this situation. Thank you to those who have been understanding. It's too early in the morning for keyboard warriors to be chatting shit!

@sall74 oh to be as perfect as you eh? And benefits are not what I would call generous, I think pittance is the word you're looking for. Put down the DM and stop watching High Times on Benefits.

OP this sort of checking out of family life leaving you with no break is not on. I certainly wouldn't accept it.

So do you get any child free time?
Perhaps today when he gets home, announce that it's your turn and piss of for the day and night. Come home tomorrow morning and see if he does it again after that.

Removing the benefits system for poor families won't prevent children being born, you will just end up with children living in abject poverty though no fault of their own and very very limited access back into society. We need children to pay future taxes! I'm not sure why anyone would want that.
The role out of UC has already made it harder for victims of DV to ensure the safety and well-being of their families let's hope not many people want to make it even worse.

OP, it's a very immature way for your DP to behave. What's the rest of the relationship like?

Let's not give the heckler an audience.

My ex used to do this. I would spend the time not sleeping, worrying he was cheating, wondering whether he was in a strip club or whether he had gone back to someone's house, or was meeting and flirting with women in whichever clubs or pubs he was in with 'the lads'. I would spend the next day being snippy with him but ultimately he didn't care - napping on the sofa in all his stinking hungover glory whilst I cracked on looking after the kids and making a roast like some sort of 1950's throwback.

Anyway, this was one of the reasons why I left him. He was selfish in many other ways and I bet your DP is the same. Oh the tranquility of the sleep that I have now, without torturing myself about what some doggy tin pot man is up to.

This is not normal. Apart from whatever he's up to all night, it's disrespectful as fuck to not let you know where he is and when he is coming home. My fifteen year old can manage that.

I'd have some serious thinking about this relationship OP.

Op, if he has started doing this recently and so frequently I would be highly suspicious there were drugs and/or other women in the frame