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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Guy who ghosted me got back in touch... WWYD?

269 replies

Ghosteddramas · 02/02/2020 02:21

Started seeing a guy back in October who I met online. Both of us recently divorced and agreed we weren’t wanting to jump in to anything too serious. We’d usually meet every week or so (with minimal text contact every few days or so in between dates) - dates were always great fun, lots of chemistry and would end with amazing sex. Last date was just before Christmas when he took me away for the weekend, we stayed in a lovely hotel together and was wined and dined. After returning home he messaged to say what a great time he had and I responded agreeing and asking whether he was free to meet again on a proposed date in between Christmas and new year (he’d initiated the last date, so felt like my turn). He responded to say that unfortunately he already had family plans that day. He didn’t propose an alternative date, so I just responded saying that it was no problem. Christmas and new year passed and I heard nothing from him at all, in fact I heard nothing from him again until today when he messaged me out of the blue asking how I was and mentioned that if I’d like to meet up again to just let him know. No explanation as to the lack of contact.

I’m in two minds as I very much enjoyed our dates and the arrangement we had going. I felt a bit disappointed that he just disappeared. At the same time though, I’m not sure allowing myself to be dropped and picked back up again on a whim is a very respectful thing to do to myself and wonder whether I should just leave it in the past. Would really appreciate your advice/what others would do in my position.

OP posts:
Sockmonster23 · 03/02/2020 18:22

Sorry but even if Xmas is a busy period and you got no text or any messages that is appalling. We are never too busy with phones at our disposal these days. Would run a mile. It sounds like trouble.

sunshine11 · 03/02/2020 18:32

He’s treating you like a fuck buddy. Step away now.

MollyMinniesMum · 03/02/2020 18:34

He was busy over Christmas and skint \ dry January until now

JuneB1979 · 03/02/2020 18:44

I would give him a chance to explain why he hasn’t been in touch, you’ve mentioned he’s got children so it could have been a sick child, there are a number of reasons why he wasn’t in contact before now
It’s not always down to the man to make the first move and unfortunately you didn’t contact him either.
You could meet up with him discuss why you haven’t heard from him before now and go from there. If you don’t like the response then walk away but at least give him that chance

MamaSharkDooDooDooDooDooDooo · 03/02/2020 18:45

What exactly did you text? If it was literally just 'no worries' then maybe he thought you sounded a bit off and so didn't respond (I would also say the ball was in your court in that scenario). If you text 'no worries, let me know when you're next free?' then yep, ball is definitely in his court and if I were you I would probably just leave it... (what am I saying, I would find out why he ghosted me 🙈😂)

Bizawit · 03/02/2020 18:47

I personally wouldn’t call this ghosting. Ghosting is when you ignore someone’s messages. In this case the conversation stopped and neither of you reached out. I agree the ball was probably in his court, but maybe he also read indifference/ a rebuttal in your “no worries” reply. Maybe he was also super busy over the holidays and not sure when he was next free and by the time he did, he was confused by your silence as well. Who knows. People play so many games in relationships, it’s foolish trying to double guess people’s emotions. If you like him I would give him one more chance. But don’t brush over the silence- acknowledge it- say you were surprised and give him a chance to explain from his side. If the explanation is crap then sack it in...

Poliann · 03/02/2020 18:49

Ghost him back.

Rachel709 · 03/02/2020 18:51

Booty call

MrsStrangerThing · 03/02/2020 19:02

This isn't ghosting. However it is clear you weren't that bothered or you would have text him at some point, even just to ask if he is ok.

winterchills · 03/02/2020 19:06

He ghosted you for a reason I would stay clear

Raspberrytruffle · 03/02/2020 19:09

Yeah before I even finished reading it screams your ghosting ex is actually a ghosting cheat, hes got a family! Either A completely ignore or B what I'd do find out who his mrs is and tell her what a cheating weasel he is . All the best

ALongHardWinter · 03/02/2020 19:25

If he's done it once, he'll most likely do it again. And again. I speak from bitter experience. About 7 years ago,a man ghosted me not once but three times. I feel ashamed to admit that I responded each time he got back in touch,but to try to be fair to myself,I was mentally at a low ebb,with my DM having died less than a year previously,and was also at loggerheads with my brother over our DM's will.
Looking back,I can't believe that I accepted his bullshit three times over. When he did it for the fourth time,and returned 4 weeks later saying that he'd 'lost his phone' and therefore had lost my number,I thankfully saw sense. He knew where I lived,so what was stopping him coming round to my house?! With hindsight,I think he was actually married,or at least in a serious relationship with someone else.
My advice OP would be to cut your losses now,and bin him off.

MyuMe · 03/02/2020 19:25

Yeah before I even finished reading it screams your ghosting ex is actually a ghosting cheat, hes got a family! Either A completely ignore or B what I'd do find out who his mrs is and tell her what a cheating weasel he is . All the best

Dear god.

How did you glean this from 2 divorcees who agreed it wasnt serious.

Emmelina · 03/02/2020 19:36

He’s bored and horny.

Motherofasleepaphobe · 03/02/2020 20:12

So hang on OP you asked him if he was free a specific date between Xmas & new year? He says he isn’t as is busy with family and so you don’t text or speak to him again

Then a month later you’re complaining he ghosted you’re, but then say you haven’t attempted any contact with him during this time?

He didn’t bloody ghost you, you just didn’t speak to each other - for all you know he thought you had ghosted him!
It sounds like he is still interested and didn’t want to come across as needy/too keen when you obviously weren’t too bothered about contacting him

Wilkie1956mog · 03/02/2020 20:30

It is possible that he thought you weren't that bothered either, because you didn't text him over Christmas. Remember he's a male and they are simple creatures and they don't always think logically like women do, or do what should be the proper thing. He may have simply thought that since you' d agreed to be casual, it was ok. It's also possible that he does just want a date because he's short of sex at the moment. There's only one way to know and that's to give him another chance. Go on another date with him, but while you are there, ask him why he never contacted you, and tell him how it made you feel- a bit used. Give him a chance to explain and make it right. If he says the wrong things, then make it the last date. Don't have sex after this next date, if all goes well though. Don' t make it too easy. Tell him you might need a while to get into the right frame of mind for that sort of relationship again now, and suggest that you can see each other a few more times without the sex and see how things develop. And I think you need to decide exactly what you want from the relationship and whether he can actually offer that.

Tubs11 · 03/02/2020 20:32

Maybe he was doing dry January Grin

Attitude84 · 03/02/2020 20:34

Agree with others on here. He’s ghosted you for a reason and now his options have run dry, he’s turning his attention back on to you. Don’t reply and ghost him back.

flopsytheflatcat · 03/02/2020 20:39

Tell him to fuck off

starfishmummy · 03/02/2020 20:39

The message just said that unfortunately he already had plans on that date. I replied that that was no worries, expecting him to come back and suggest an alternative, which he didn’t

It probably didn't occur to him that you were waiting for him to suggest an alternative. As it was you arranging the date, he possibly thought you would suggest one

PotteryLottery · 03/02/2020 21:53

OP can I ask how you coped with the rejection over the holidays?

Were you upset? Did you date someone else?

I'd like to deal with rejection better.

bemusedmoose · 03/02/2020 21:57

Sounds like he might not be as divorced as you thought! Take it from a woman who's husband was caught cheating - if they think the wife is on to them they drop the other woman and spend time fooling the wife everything is fine, then when things cool down they pick up the other woman again.

Bizawit · 03/02/2020 22:26

Good advice from @Wilkie1956mog !

Aridane · 03/02/2020 22:35

Tell him to fuck off

Or you know, just be an adult

Aridane · 03/02/2020 22:36

Tell him to fuck off

Or you know just be an adult

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